Hey,
there's this super cute and hot guy, he's 20 ir 21, I'm 24 and by looks alone I guess most would say he's out of my league if asked to make a quick guess.
anyways we're kinda collegues, have met a couple of time throughout the past 2 years at events. the first time we met we were sitting next to eachother and he was super sweet and outgoing, hugged me goodbye and added me in a social network but I didn't really think of him as more than a nice collegue since I was in a relationship and pretty blind to other men. And I didn't feel that attractive that day, so I didn't really assume sexual interest from his side.
Now that I'm single and don't have many opportunities to meet men outside of that organization, I started thinking of him as a target, since lately I've realized how damn gorgeous he is. (He goes to my university now and we ran into eachother a few times, great conversations, but always one of us didn't have much time)
BUT: he has some really girly/gay behaviors, I don't want to stereotype and don't get me wrong I absolutely adore these things about him. But the way he talks, he's a bit hyperactive the way he gestures with his arms and kinda bends his legs inwards alot when he's talking, I don't know if you can picture it, but I'm pretty sure it's what you get taught in David Ds seminars NOT to do. And stastically the odds are pretty high he might be gay, since overaveragely many men in our organization are. So I've been wondering ...
two weeks ago we had a major event and at the party I was THE party girl, danicing with everyone (unfortunately my outfit wasn't really sexy cuz I didn't have time to change from my daytime outfit, kinda a Carrie Bradshaw type skirt and a bright blue blouse) and we were both a little drunk and dizzy from dancing too much and I literally fell into his arms and really enjoyed that, we clutched to each other in a long, physically very close embrace, but nothing else happened. I did use other opportunities for touching him a bit more often/intensely than usual during several group dances, where we're all arm in arm.
Anyways the next day after the event was over he accompanied me to a poetry slam in his town, I had mentioned I'd be performing at. We had both told mutual friends about it, but he was my only sure guest, which I of course found great.
On the train there we talked about how few girls there still are in our organization even though it's improving and he mentioned that there had been a new blond girl in the front row who was really attractive.
Now I'm not sure what to think of that. Yay, he's not gay after all? he wasn't interested in her though, from what I can tell, just curious about her, since he's never seen him and he'd heard a rumor about her (and yeah she IS a total princess, adorable platinum blonde hair, and very sweet too, I already know her well). So I'm not sure if HE was attracted to her or if that was just a valid decription "very attractive" which could have also come from a straight girl - or maybe from a gay man. Unfortunately there was another collegue, whom we only briefly know with us on the train heading the same direction, so I couldn't go there in the conversation.
Anyways we had a total blast, we were both like we have to come here on a regular basis, laughing all the time, great conversation, got to know eachother on a personal basis, great! I was leaning forward to him, playing with my hair much more than I usually do, giving him the look and using opportunities to touch him on the arm/hand, had opportunities to tease him and then tell him how cute that was that he got embarressed by his foolishness.
BUT ... I realized ... he doesn't seem to notice! he's fun and outgoing and enjoying the time but not intentionally flirty with me and doesn't seem to get I'm into him!
I missed the last bus to my town and I had hoped that would be the opportunity for me to crash at his place since I'd already been in his room that day but nope "No problem, I'll drive you home".
We had more great conversation but when we reached my place as soon as the current topic had come to a stopping point, he's like "well then, have a good night" No ot in an unfriendly or distant way ... but it was I was just warming up to turning towards him full body language, hoping to be able to turn this into a kiss or at least a "well that was great going out together,we have to do this again" or "hoping to see you soon".
Well, he did say he was tired and he did have an early lecture next day ...
So two days later I went to another event in his town where which he advertised on facebook, where I had said yes on facebook but told him that night in the car it's now a amaybe and I fear I won't be able to make it, though I'd love to come. He was really glad I came fter all but the seats were almost all taken so I couldn't sit close to him.
Afterwards I go to the ladys room and when I come back - I can't find him - I'm ready to leave, disappointed, when suddenly he appears, hey! there you are, I thought you'd left, I'm glad you're still here, we're gonna head for a drink, don't you wanna come along?
I say, yeah, where to? the place we were on sunday?
and he's like: hey, why not? I told everyone about how fun that was, (he did say "our place" at one point, talking bout the pub), I really wanna go there more often and the others wanna check it out two. It isn't that far away either.
So he suggests to the group that we show them "our" hidden gem which he's been talking about.
This time we sit together and I have my body language towards him again, whether I'm talking in his direction or with the other side of the table. Or drinks are close together and I place my arm adjacent to him, kinda a "pressure test".
Our arms are lying together, no reaction from him, we're normally talking with both "subgoups" of the table.
Then the first people leave and I also have to hurry - again to catch the last bus of which he now knows the time it leaves.
He's also driving a mutual friend home and so I didn't have the opportunity to find out what he feels, if he'd be up for a "real date".
Now here's my problems:
- I don't know if he's gay
But I reckon: he's fucking prince charming so if he's straight or bi he must have enough experience with girls to see when they're willing, right?
So my question after a long story:
if he finds me not attractive enough, would that show? I mean, wouldn't he have pulled away his arm? or do only girls do that and guys don't mind?
Wouldn't he be awkward?
How can I tell whether he's just not getting it or doesn't like me physically enough?
Does it even matter?
Reasons he might fail to see me as a potential lover may be
- gay
- "friend zone"
- knowing each other too long
- since we've met I've climbed the ladder and recently entered the ranks of the top decision makers so I'm higher status than him (but that doesn't come through in personal interaction)
- failing to see me as a woman altogether, as I'm acting - successfully - in a mostly male dominated network and of course display traditionally masculine actions/ (social) skills in that environment. However, as I mentioned, I do wear skirts alot and I do also display a girly, playful attitude, I think. (dunno: two close male friends in my network both told me independantly, I'm attractive to men but come across as a tough/badass/crazy girl.)
Oh yeah, another thing: the day after the party, before we went to the slam, he was standing next to me when I was talking with a mutual female friend about relationships and I mentioned my Ex-Boyfriend and she was like: wait a minute - EX? he's your ex again? what happened? He didn't seem to take interest in the conversation and the fact I had broken up with my long term b/f. But maybe he'd unlike her, he'd seen it on facebook. didn't say anything. Or maybe he never knew about him before? but I'm the type of girl who mentions her b/f/ex-bf too often
I posted a picture of vegan cupcakes I baked on facebook today and he commented: "we should bake or cook vegan together sometimes
"
????
this could mean anything. I know other straight males who like to bake or cook, but this could be gay or otherwise "male girlfriend"-friend zone.
Maybe he's just interested in vegan cooking (he"likes" almost all veggie-links I share, so maybe he's just really into the lifestyle and wants some advice?)
Or it could mean - I like spending time with you and you're a great cook - that would be a great date, how about it?
have only had brief contact on facebook since last seeing him with the group. there are no upcoing events I'm attending where he's at anytime soon.
don't wanna ask him for a date and have him be like - um - I'M GAY, didn't you know?
Can't ask his friends, it's too late for that (that's like asing a girls name, after you've spoken several times ) and they'd easily guess I like him.
I can't ask around/show I like him, because I can't have people thinking that now that I'm regarded as a VIP I'm using my status to grab some young hot guys. Both a straight and gay friend in similar positions have warned me, that that would be a major threat to my reputation and that I need to make sure that if I'm dating within our organization, there's no rumors about it going around or I'll lose respect or even be seen as a slut.
(fucking double standard!!!)
as you may guess from this major post I really like him, I'm up for anything, one time adventure, f-buddies, casual or serious dating, LTR
But I don't wanna spend time in the friend zone!
CHAT
I guess cos it wasn't a date, where those kind of questions are normal. It did feel kind of accidentally turn into a date/ feel like a date after a short while but I was scared the question would have come out of nowhere
