Hi,

Me, a RAFC just started to study a lot of pickup stuff (after a breakup and pretty long LTR)
Now I am putting this stuff it into practice, slowly improving.

I would really appreciate any help, comments, criticism or whatever on my current situation.

There is this one chick I have been dating and I had sex with her 2 times. She is demanding a proper relationship, but I wanted to keep her as a friend with benefits.
When having sex for the second time, she even tried to force me into a relationship or she wont let me do her. I was fucking tired that time and thought "Fuck it" and stopped working on her. Seems like she got scared she wont get any that night and basically made me fuck her anyway.
She still keeps talking shit about the relationship stuff, which was kind of annoying so I decided to LJBF her. The sex was not so great, but we still have a lot in common.
So far, so good, I wouldn't have had any questions, if there wouldn't be a little more detail:
She is having an affair with another ass, who has a girlfriend for like 10 years. She even told me, that she is convinced, that those 2 will marry one day. Yet that ass is fucking her, which exactly sounds like the thing she is denying to me.
It is not, that it is her personality to avoid these kind of relationships.

Does anybody have any experience with this kind of behaviour? Looks like chick logic to me, which nobody really can understand...

Well, my conclusion is, that I must have conveyed some wrong values during the pickup/dating. Maybe something like, "The nice guy who yet is good boyfriend material", or shit...
Would that make sense?

Any help/comments would be very very appreciated.

You're a friend with benefits. You have NO right to act upset if she hooks up with someone else, regardless if he's a crack head or a guy that tries to pay for an abortion with food stamps. She could just be punishing you for not thinking she's worth a relationship. That's some good chick logic right there. If the sex isn't even that great, why don't you just man up and find someone else already? Are you scared you won't be able to get someone else to have sex with you? I get that you like her personality, so just be regular friends. Easy.

I don't care who is fucking her at my back. I just don't want her for a proper (traditional) relationship. I already dumped her sexually anyway.
I can't fucking handle any relationship like that right now and won't keep up a fake one to get sex. Either the chick is good with my attitude or not.

Its more like I wonder, if I framed myself in a wrong way (BF vs FB)
Seems like she is ok with both, but i was definitely in the BF category.

Anybody who got similar problems during RAFC period? I mean like conveying too much "Lets become GF and BF" vibes..
Any ways to improve that besides going out and play the game more?

But I guess the mistakes I am doing right now is to try to understand her chick logic. Wasted time...
BTW she had that guy already before me, as it seems... I don't give a fuck about him...

I think your dilemma is age/maturity specific. This sounds mostly like a teenage girl problem. As for frame, why define anything? You're two people that enjoy sex with a variety of partners. It doesn't have to be black vs white.

You can set expectations in a girl pretty easily. When you're starting out, if you spend a lot of time talking about exes and what she expects and is looking for in a relationship, she's going to make some obvious assumptions about your intentions. You spend a lot of time talking about how you like to travel and that you're just too caught up with how fast everything moves to rush into another committed relationship, she's going to expect something else. She'll like you either way, you just have to set the expectation right at the beginning. If part of your game is telling a girl you're looking for a girl to chill with for now who could potentially be a mainstay in your life, it's natural that she would want to take everything you have to offer (even if you don't mean it) if you're a quality guy. Just avoid those sentiments of relationships and longevity and you'll probably get different results.

"When having sex for the second time, she even tried to force me into a relationship or she wont let me do her. "

Seriously? You don't want that girl, she's psycho, out of control and obviously has other expectations than you do.

I can hardly imagine that it would be worth trying to rewire her expectations or being tough on her and hoping she'll "learn the lesson".
Chances are she'll be unhappy and get mad or disappointed or blame you, think you're using her, even if she decides to give in.
Not worth it and not "fair".

To your question, why she's ok with just sex with that other guy.
fators:
- she never had expectations because she understood early in the game he's NOT gonna leave his girl
- they have a different type of relationship, maybe they never went on a traditional date or did boyfriend/grilfriend activities or had the type of conversations that she desires for a real relationship
- maybe she just likes you better (beyond sexuality) because for instance you DID have the type of conversations that make her really fall in love?
- maybe she's just tired of not having a relationship (but won't give up her friend w/ benefits b4 she's got her real b/f) and somehow thought: nows the time for change and he's the one, I'll make him mine!

sometimes you don't even do anything to set expectations.
like there was this guy, who said he wanted to say single, and I also didn't want a relationship, it was clear we were expecting at best friends with benefits, but then I did start to fall in love - which he couldn't handle happens.
But I'd never be a bitch and try to force a guy via sex into something he doesn't want. If you two just don't have the same wants, then that's tough and too bad.

@minsok:
I think that pretty much summed it up.
I'll have to be more careful about setting expectations. I guess it is the biggest issue I have to overcome at the moment.

Thanks a lot for your help!

@femme85:

- maybe she's just tired of not having a relationship (but won't give up her friend w/ benefits b4 she's got her real b/f) and somehow thought: nows the time for change and he's the one, I'll make him mine!

I think, that was the case. As said above, it was probably setting wrong expectations. I'll have work on that, cause I don't enjoy breaking girls hearts too.

Thanks for helping too!

Oh my freaking god, I've got a girl on the line that says I have to commit before we have sex. She's 25! It's not an age thing. I'm pretty sure all bets will be off if I can get her home, just have to figure out the logistics... Geez, what a raw deal, I thought sex was free these days.

?
um ... there are like people in the world with clear principles? Even if they might be conservative and not make sense to you.

not saying you can't ignore what she said and be successful, but I think she's gonna hate you! (of course this is mainly "just" a moral issue)

p.s. there are men who want a woman to commit before sexual actions too, they are rare, but they exist

I committed before sex with my ex; it worked out fine. I guess I am irritated because the girl knew she was going to lose me if she was honest, so she totally screwed with my expectations. No premarital sex doesn't work with me, I can't wait no two years or more for sex and how do I know if I even love the girl, it might just be extreme blueballs. Eh, I'm just gonna post a thread.