I just wanna start off by saying that I'm not looking for pity at all but I need to describe my situation as truthful as I can otherwise I'll never escape what I'm going through....So thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this and tells me what I should do.


I really struggle around women on a level that most people here probably can't even comprehend. I haven't spoken 1 word to a woman in real life in over 10 years now. I have been in relationships with women before all this happened..So I'm not a virgin....But within the past 10 years or so all I can handle is talking to women online at the very best....I'm articulate, I'm funny and I know exactly what to do to get girls to like me. But I'm extremely terrified of them in person. Every girlfriend I've had in real life has pursued me because I'm really good at sports and they're attracted to me physically as well...But that was when I was in my teens and it was really easy to hang out all day and not have any real responsibilities etc....All of my friends went off to University and I wasn't even able to make it through highschool because of the fear I had with presenting projects in front of a class room. It really destroys your self esteem when all your friends think you can't handle highschool because they assume you have a really low IQ....But in reality I was an A+ student and the work was simple....The anxiety of being in any and all social situations took over my life and when it started happening to me I didn't even realize there was a term for it called anxiety...So it was extremely confusing and devastating to walk into so many social situations where everyone was enjoying themselves...and I felt nervous for no reason at all....terrified is the right way to describe it. I embarassed the hell outta myself around all of my closest friends on a social level...These were people I used to be really comfortable around and then all of a sudden I'd be having really bad panic attacks. There were a lot of girls that were into me so I'd be getting attention from them but I didn't want it at all...I mean not socially....I'd be thinking in my head please go away I can't handle how overwhelming it is to talk to a girl that's really attractive. And pretty much every single time I'd try my best to say something...Just pure gibberish would come out and I'd have the worst sinking feeling inside of me. To embarass yourself on that level at that age is devastating....I can't relate to the way anyone else is and how everyone wants to socialize and be around people and talk all the time.....To me talking is the most uncomfortable horrible thing in the world. I decided to lock myself in my room and I shut everyone out of my life...Musta been weird for all my friends how one day I was hanging out with them etc...then all of a sudden I just vanished off the face of the earth...I mean they know where I am and that makes it so much worse obviously! That I had tons of friends and really beautiful women that wanted me and I couldn't handle it so I hid inside my house. I can't even get back into their life and pretend that I moved to a different country for University or something...So it's extremely punishing to my life that they have so many judgements about me now...Like they probably think I'm absolutely insane! But it's actually the complete opposite...I was forced into this position because it was the only way I could ever feel calm and normal....Being in social situations back then would have destroyed me...That was in the 90's that's how long this has gone on for....


It has taken me such a long time to get where I am now to even be able to leave the house and not be overwhelemed with fear...So I think of myself as incredibly lucky in a way to actually have a fighting chance when I know this problem could have easily gone on for my entire life...Or I could have done something stupid to myself and gave up entirely.....So I look at this moment in my life as an opportunity not about how horrible my life has been....But to just pretend like my past hasn't affected me would be totally lying to myself....There are so many things that are just completely different about my life than everyone elses...I haven't had a conversation with a woman in my entire adult life....Even after everything I've been through and how terrifying women are to me....I know exactly how to act cool and attract a woman....If I knew 100% that a girl I was attracted to had zero friends and wouldn't ever make me have dinner with her family and anything social like that etc...then I'd go for it....But that fantasy doesn't exist...So it's impossible for me to ever get close to a woman because I won't be able to handle her girlfriends, guy friends, and her family. I don't know how to do it. I can't even be around my own family for the exact same reason! I have an extreme fear of being in social situations...my mind will just go blank and my heart will race like there's a gun to my head...and it's obviously unbelievably unpleasant. I will do anything and everything to avoid talking to people.


I have read all the popular pua books and watched the videos etc.....But I don't have a clue how any of it is supposed to make me more comfortable around women. I have the most important things going for me like real DHV. Girls will pursue me because of it and in the books it's basically trying to teach people how to get yourself to that point...But I'm so uncomfortable around girls I'm attracted to it's just unbearable..It isn't just shyness or even shyness at all...It's complete fear to the point where I'll end up being so tense and not able to enjoy even 1 second
of it. And Im at a complete loss as to what to do to fix this so I can have a life already. As you can imagine not having a sex life for this long is beyond painful. I crave physical attention from a woman so badly...it's so upsetting to me...And also makes me worry how I'll ever be around a woman I like ever again because of what I've been through. These days if I see a picture of an attractive woman it's actually really depressing. I don't think a lot of people experience that. So it's a very weird feeling.....But beyond just my physical needs and lack of physical attention...I haven't been fulfilled socially either....I'm so attracted to the way women are not just their looks so I really wish that I could somehow have an amazing and fun time with a girl one day soon....But the paradox here is that I can actually hook up with a woman...I'm not afraid of sex....But I can't talk to a woman and it keeps me from ever experiencing any physical pleasure because you have to dazzle a woman with your personality before you can be with her. So because I'm unable to talk to women that means I'll never have sex ever again and it's the most frightening thought in the world.


I have gone to therapy before and it doesn't change a thing so that kind of advice isn't gonna help me out. I'm more or less looking for something I haven't thought of that will help me.....Although I pretty much know the exact scenario that will get me past this....I need a girl that is understanding and is patient enough to hang out with me until I'm able to be comfortable around her...But that seems like such a fantasy to me..Considering I don't have 1 girl that's just a friend how will I ever be able to find someone like that...Fixing this situation is just incredibly frustrating and I don't know how to dig myself out of this hole.


Thanks to anyone that can lead me in the right direction...you have no idea how grateful I am for any help! :]

Read

Power of the now, eckhart tolle.

Hopefully it will give you some insight in your anxiety and where it's coming from.


We all want our quick fix, just to lie back and watch our problems fade away. THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

If something is bothering you, you got 3 options

1.Accept the current situation
2. Change the current situation
3. Resisting the current situation

Out of those 3 options, Which do you think applies to your situation? How do you deal with problems?

I have planned to read that book for awhile now....but I don't think any book will ever help me become comfortable with women....I know exactly where my anxiety comes from so I'm not a lost person that is trying to find myself..I come from a really abusive family and now I'm apparently living out the scarred for life years. I want to figure out a real solution to overcoming my fear around women and people in general.....Even just a few seconds ago I saw a picture of Mystery hanging out with a few stunning women..and 1 of them looks exactly like my ex...and it just takes my breath away thinking about how terrified I'd be in that situation...I'd just die. I'd have a massive anxiety attack if I was even at a bar or club period...So when Im reading books or articles on this stuff it's hard for me to ever even get to the part in my mind where I'm talking to a woman...When my comfort level is already so screwed up even being in proximity to them.