Hey just wanted to post one of my newsletters, I got a lot of positive feed back from it and I'm not a big poster but figured I'd put it out here in hopes that someone would get some benefit out of it.
Discuss and let me know what you think
Hey what's up,
I'm currently hanging out in Macedonia for the summer. The last few weeks have been slightly hectic, as for a while there I didn't have internet access or it was very limited, plus all the excitement of being in a new land, I've put off writing newsletters. So I'm back in action now. First I want to talk about a certain topic and then I'll answer a few questions that I have received lately.
What image pops in your mind when someone says the word "Women"?
I know for me personally, being that i spent a solid 4 years engrossed in the ideas of the community before deciding to step away from that area and I'm sure most of my readers from that background can relate to this, the image that popped into my head for a long long time, was a very negative one.
This is understandable. We are constantly bombarded by negative images from the media, whether it be movies, TV, magazines and other formats that to "some" degree, women either do not like men, dislike male attention, are uninterested in meeting new people or are taken. In the community, though I do not frequently read any information anymore that comes out of that venue, but back in the day I can remember one of the biggest images/beliefs that I had installed in my mind was the idea of "pussy power". What this was, it was the belief that women flaunted their sexuality in order to manipulate or control men, and all they wanted was control and weren't interested in friendships, sex, relationships, or anything natural/human. I mean looking back on it, it's pretty laughable, but the mind is an interesting thing, and being that I was young and unable to distinguish (come up with my own opinion) I just accepted well if this guy says it's so, and he's an expert, well it must be so.
Well it didn't take long for me to start finding evidence to support that belief, and if anyone has heard any of my interviews, I unfortunately (or maybe I should say fortunately, looking at the long term effects) created a reality, or found myself in circumstances that would prove those beliefs.
This is probably one of the biggest issues, if not the biggest issue when it comes to guys having difficulties in this area. It's just simply having a negative image or belief structure about the opposite sex.
Here's the thing, as long as you have a negative image in your mind of women, well subconsciously women are going to pick up on that.
Or if you want to take it further, as long as your holding a negative image in your mind of women you're going to keep creating that in your experience or you're going to keep dreaming up experiences that correlate to that image.
So how do you knock it out? Well you just let it go that's all. When I first figured this out, I just simply wanted to be happy with myself and my life, so I just changed what these circumstances meant to me. From that point on, I was no longer holding a negative image in my mind that brought up the thoughts "There is something wrong with me." or "I'm not good enough." and instead made it mean, "I'm awesome". You can do it that way.
Another way is just let it go, let go of the ill emotions, as in just accept it. Hold the image in mind and keep accepting it over and over and over again until the image changes. If you no longer have negative emotions towards it, well the image has to change. I'm a big fan Lester Levenson and Larry Crane, and one of the techniques Larry Crane uses is he just says to let go of any dissapproval towards women and give them approval, and eventually instead of the negative image, you'll see them either smiling and being happy. That's a great technique as well.
Another way you could do it is just by using affirmations. "I absolutely love women and everything about them, and they absolutely and unconditionally love me." or something along those lines.
Now if you are going to do this, remember to do it for yourself, not because you want things to be differently. Again when I first did this, I just wanted to be free of making myself feel bad and to just feel good. Do it for the same reason, just to be free from the bullshit. To just have good thoughts and good emotions in everyday life.
What then usually occurs after the positive image gets installed is spontaneously and out of no where, either women start conversations with you or you'll start conversations with them. And it just seems to happen. And it makes complete sense, if you already like someone before even talking to them, well they are going to like you as well and there would be no hesitation or at least very little about initiating a conversation. Again it all seems to happen effortlessly and just in the moment. It's an interesting concept and definitely fun to play around with.
Now let's answer some questions.
Question 1:
My question is how can I find my way to be indifferent? I want to be indifferent, want to be approached by girls etc. Can you help me in this point?
My answer 1:
To be indifferent is nothing special or magical. It just means to stop basing your self worth on results. If the results happen, great, if not, that's great too. Basically just love yourself for no reason, that's all there is too it. I see here that you say, "I want to be indifferent, want to be approached by girls" If you are wanting to be approached by girls, this isn't indifference. You have not care if it happens or not. It's about stepping out of the realm of "wanting" because wanting only leads to more wanting, and then stepping into the realm of having, because having only leads to more having. If you are trying to use any of my stuff in order to get women, then you aren't getting what I'm talking about, because then you are still on the path of becoming.
It's really simply. Love yourself and stop giving a fuck, just be happy with what's going on around you regardless of the circumstances. Then pretend in your mind that you already have it to the point that if you get it or not, it doesn't matter, because inside you feel like you have it. Then, at least in my experience, you'll have it, and having can only lead to more having and then after a while of doing this, may take some time, you'll find things seem to happen that lead to actually having it for real. But that's what's tricky, at this point when it does happen, it's not that big of a deal because you already had it in your mind to begin with.
I see this again and again, especially when I move somewhere new and no longer "have" what I used to "have". I lose contact with my old friends, old women, old venues or the old stuff that I used to do and I have to start all over again. For a short period I may find myself stepping back into wanting, at this point, it all stops, all of it. Then usually what happens, is I catch myself or get frustrated enough that I can feel the suffering that is caused from wanting and just let it all go, because not wanting/having feels so much better.
Then, it starts picking back up again. Spontaneously and without me thinking about it. Maybe I go to the grocery store and some random woman or maybe the cashier starts flirting with me. Maybe I go to a bar, and where before in my state of wanting, nothing was happening, it starts picking back up and women start asking for my number or wanting to hang out with me and whatever else comes along with it.
But again, its the freedom from the bullshit that I most want. I just want to be free of the wanting. Wanting is painful and it sucks. To be in a constant state of wanting, even if it did give me women, I would still choose freedom, because in freedom at least I'm at peace with myself with or without women or anything else for that matter.
Question 2:
I'm really working on this being more social and I know that you talk about being social with everyone, both men and women. I have a fear that if I talk to guys they will think I am gay, is this normal and how do I overcome this?
My answer 2:
Yeah it seems to actually be pretty normal, this is a topic that comes up with almost every one of my clients. Not sure where it stems from but it's definitely something most guys seem to have.
Here's the way I explain it. OK so if a random guy walks up to you and starts talking to you, are you going to think he's gay? Every time I've asked one of my clients this the answer has always been no. Well there's your answer, no one is going to think you're gay.
Now let's take it further. What if they do? My answer, who cares? It seriously does not matter what anyone thinks about you. Are you defining yourself by what others define or label you as, or do you define yourself. If you do not yet have the ability to put other people's opinions to the side and form your own, you are going to have a very very very difficult time changing your self-image or your identity. If you're going to play the game of changing the self-image, you are going to have to let go of your attachment to the opinion of others and live your life and think your thoughts for yourself. In other words, just be OK, as in not care, if people think you are gay, it seriously does not matter.
To bring and even more importance to this. Most of my best friends were just random guys I met at parties, around town, or at bars. And I've been fortunate or that's just the way reality works to find myself in friendships with some really really awesome people which I just ended up meeting by being social. This is also important if you ever move to a new location or you change your self-image. Because you're old friends, most likely are not going to be there, or it's just not going to be the same relationship. When you change, everything else does too. And because of this, I've found that certain friendships die off and so new ones are then formed.
Hope that helps.
Question 3:
Ever since you stopped giving a fuck and women started pursuing you, how have their experiences during sex (with you) changed?
My Answer 3:
No idea, I'm not them. That's kind of a shitty answer, but I really can't say more. I can only see out of one set of eyes, can only feel from one body, and can only think from one mind. So I have no idea what's going on with other people.
Question 4:
My girlfriend broke up with me and I can't seem to get over it. It's been months and I'm still depressed about it and I want to move on with my life but I seem to be stuck. (I'm paraphrasing here, this was a really long ass email)
My Answer 4:
Well I'm not really in that field, dealing with past relationships and stuff, but I've had my share and so I'll answer this to the best of my abilities.
First, understand that you're happiness or inner peace comes from within. Now if you are currently experiencing negative emotions, try this out. Practice feeling at peace, and realize that no one and no thing can take that away from you, because it comes from inside of you. Then from this place, look at that emotion of lack or grief or sadness or anger or whatever it is, and see that it's just a feeling or sensation in the body, nothing less and nothing more.
You can still step into the peace even with the sensation inside of the body. Then try to make that sensation stronger and just observe it like a scientist. Don't judge it, just see it as being a sensation in the body and get curious about it. Really pay attention to it, ask yourself "What is this inside of me, and how the hell is it even there." It's pretty strange if you think about it. And allow it to just come up, from this place of peace.
In this place you'll have no thoughts or images and are in the now moment and are only paying attention to the feeling. Be careful to not get sucked into it though, or have attachment to this, in other words "don't be the emotion". The emotion is not YOU, it's just something you are observing. From this place of non judgment and of observation, that energy of that emotion/feeling will eventually deplete itself. Now depending on the gravity of it, it may take a few seconds, it may take a few hours, maybe longer. Again though, don't be the emotion when you are doing this, step into peace first, then look down at the negative emotion. It's kind of like a battery, eventually it'll deplete itself or simply just leave. Again, its super important to not judge it or fight against it. "What we resist, persist"as the old saying goes.
Anyway, after that. Next thing you could do is play a little game. Imagine that just now, you were created (2 minutes and 8 seconds ago to be exact) and BAM!!! you just popped into this world and found yourself reading this email! It's totally fucking nuts, and that all your memories are just images that were installed in the body that you are inhabiting. What if it never really happened? What if, you just made it all up? What if all the memories that you have, are just that, imaginary? I mean can you seriously prove that it happened? Well you could ask someone, hey did such and such happen, well what if they are in the same boat. What if they were just created and all their memories were just installed and none of it really happened, only they think it did, but what if they are wrong? Thinking like this, does it hold as much emotional significance as it did before? When you play this game, does it have the same meaning, does it have any meaning at all? Or is it simply just an image, a meaningless image that has no emotional significance what so ever. Like waking up from a dream.
Next, let go of any negative emotions you have to this past relationship ( forgive her and forgive yourself of any bullshit that you are holding in mind that brings up negative emotions so that it doesn't have to repeat itself in the next relationship) and carry on. Start looking at what you can do right now to enjoy your life.
Refrain from calling her, and refrain from answering her phone calls 100%, I'm serious about that. I've seen it happen. Guy and girl break up, one night, guy gets drunk, calls past girlfriend. In my experience I've only seen bad things occur from doing this, so just refrain from any contact with her period, all contact completely. I've also seen bad things occur when the woman called, and the guy picked up and got back together with her. I mean, everything is relative and nothing is absolute, but like 90% of the times I've seen, it never lead to anything good. Personally, I wouldn't take the risk.
The best thing to do is just completely forget about her 100% and move on with your life. Find some shit to do, work out, go for walks, go hang out with friends, play some video games, get some sunshine, and have some fun, maybe go camping or go on a trip or pick up a new hobby, you know that thing you've always wanted to do
Now is the perfect time to go do it.
Alright, hope you enjoyed the newsletter. Had some great questions for sure on this go around, we'll see what the future holds.
Enjoy the week.
-Jake
CHAT
