Hi all I am new and saw this posting and wanted to throw in my 2 cents. I had just gotten out of a 4.5 year relationship a few months ago. And previously was in a 9 year marriage with children, so I can hopefully help from experience.

First of all, TRUE, you do control how you feel or how you are so called HAUNTED by the memories. The problem is when things are over, the person who doesn't want it to be over thinks of all the GOOD things in that relationship, not the bad. If you are going to torture yourself and think about her, then it's time to focus on things she did that made you unhappy, and if it ended, I can bet you can name a ton of things that you PUT UP WITH because you loved her.

You will have memories, but I can tell you that I don't even think about my ex-wife of 9 years anymore. Sure, we talk, but it's just different. Our lives went other directions. I don't dream, morn, think of her AT ALL.

Look I know it sucks, but if you ever got back with her, it wouldn't be the same, you just have to come to this realization that she will be in your life probably in some form, but not as your wife anymore.

You made the mistake of loving her more than you love yourself, and you made her your sole focus in your life. I learned this the hard way with my 4 year relationship. Good friends and lovers, so when you lose them you lose not only a mate, but a friend, and that is hard to deal with. But, remember this. LEARN from this and don't make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

The beauty of life is you always get another chance, and you will. Enjoy being single for a while, it's not all that bad... Here's a what you need to do.

Ask yourself when you are feeling bad "Can I allow this feeling?" Yes or No
Then ask yourself "can I let this feeling go?" Yes or No (doesn't matter the answer)
Then ask "Would I let this feeling go?" Yes or No
then ask yourself "When?"

Sounds crazy but you will feel a little better. Do this 3x a day if you can't cope with your loss. Just remember divorce and breaking up happens to all of us, you have to dust yourself off, and respect yourself enough to move on and KNOW you are not going to DIE without anyone in your life.

Hope this helps, sorry for the long rant.

im scarred by the 1st girl i slept with but think about this our scars have a way to remind us of our mistakes and can either push us down and make us repeat the same destrutive behaviour or you can draw a line in the sand and say i wont do that again i will do things differently theres 1 question i wanna ask Do you wanna break out that cycle or change and move on??? when you answer that question youll know what to do!

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it