| I'm going to coin a new term here (I call it new since I haven't found any instance of it elsewhere) but it's essentially a different take on an old idea.
Social Gravity. What is it? And how do you get it?
Have you ever noticed when you go out with a group of people, there's always one (or two) people that are the center of attention? They command the conversation. They direct the group. People look to them. Girls lean in to them. Guys suck up to them. The Alpha Male. They have something - social gravity.
And the most frustrating thing is when you notice girls just flocking to them instead of to you.
I've mentioned before that you only need two things to get a girl to like you:
1.) Social Proof
2.) Confidence
Everyone has social proof. I don't care who you are. Unless you live alone in a cave and have no friends whatsoever, you've got social proof. That is, you have a value to other people in the world. Granted - if you play D&D with a bunch of guys every Friday night (not to knock the hobby I'm just using it as an example) you probably don't have much social proof with a playboy model. You WOULD have social proof with the cute, shy girl that works at the comic book store. I'm playing off of stereotypes here but the point is still valid - we all have social proof with someone.
The thing that MOST people struggle with is confidence. Confidence to walk up to a girl and talk to her. Confidence to reach out and grab her hand, or place it on the small of her back. Confidence to kiss someone. Confidence to try something new. Have you ever noticed people who seem fearless? They can do whatever they want to and never get nervous. Not true - they DO get nervous. They just don't show it. Showmanship is part of confidence. But to be truly able to exude that energy you must have core confidence.
These two together are what it takes to get the girl. All the routines, all the gambits, all the theories and methods are derived from this. Distilled and packaged into a diluted solution that beginners can use to see rapid and early success. My providing it to you now will do very little to help you in early game, because you won't know what to do with it. But it's good to know what the root of your success looks like.
But there is one thing missing to tie this all together. If you've been in this a while you already know that to get the "one" girl you must learn to get ALL the girls. If you want to win one girl in the group, you must win over the entire group. Does this mean you hit on every chic in the circle? Not exactly. There are two kinds of attraction: Active and Passive.
Active is when you see a girl you like and move to introduce yourself, or when you invite her out to spend time with you because you know you like her. This occurs more in clubs and during cold approaches.
Passive is when the girl sees you. She ends up making the effort, or starts making it clear that she is interested. She makes the effort, not you.
And that's where the idea of Social Gravity comes in. When others start flocking towards you, and you don't realize it or even know why, it's a form of "passive" attraction. But there is one thing on top of Social Proof and Confidence that you need to tie it all together:
3.) Energy.
Energy is a vibe. It's a feeling. It's gravity. It's a combination of your body language, of your eye contact, your conversational ability, and your overall perspective of things around you.
Energy is a tricky thing - you can't see it. You can only feel it. We as guys have an even tougher time figuring it out. If you go out to a club with a buddy of yours who has a girlfriend (but she's not with him) for some reason all the girls flock to him. How? Why? The g/f isn't there. How do they even know?
It's an energy. It's a vibe. That "don't care" attitude (because he genuinely doesn't care) makes him so non-needy and so approachable that girls will just go to him. He's exuding a positive (keyword being POSITIVE) energy since he's just there doing his own thing. If they find out he has a girlfriend, he becomes so much more attractive (Social Proof). And since he doesn't care and has nothing to lose, he might entertain them with some kino, dancing or conversation (Confidence). Suddenly the girls are gravitating towards him.
Energy needs both Social Proof and Confidence, but the more you have of one the less you need of another. You can have tremendous confidence but very few women in your life; you'll still be able to get the girl. You can be extremely popular but doubt everything about yourself, you'll still get the girl. Energy for the most part is difficult to control - but there is ONE aspect of it you CAN control: Perspective.
If you have a decidedly negative or pessimistic view of things around you, or if you're in a slump or a rut, then your energy will be all fucked. You will exude a very negative vibe, and repel people from you. If you change your perspective and your mindset to be an optimistic and positive one, and truly imbue your body and mind with that outlook, your energy will be bright and piercing.
On a final note there I want to touch on something that many of you must have heard before (and if not you'll likely hear it many times henceforth): To get the girl, you must learn to get all the girls. To win the target, you must win the group.
Think about how gravity works. If you hold two apples in the air and drop them both, does gravity pick ONE apple and pull that one in? Absolutely not. Both of them will fall to the Earth.
Pickup is one of those things where the more you focus on getting the one particular girl, the more she will escape you. It's just a mindfuck of life. But take solace in the fact that the laws of nature don't work that way. Be attractive and likable to everyone - guys, girls, old ladies, little kids - and people will flock to you. Without even realizing it.
Q.
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CHAT
