| When out with new wings and people who aren't so familiar with me, they have often pointed out how I create a strong rapport extremely quickly. This is something I never used to put much thought into and perhaps took for granted. I always knew I was good at connecting with people but I never knew why or how... after a lot of thought, I've figured out a few ideas that can help you creat a strong rapport with people in a short amount of time.
Now if you're anything like me, you don't wanna be reading a lot of dribble about how I worked this out or any other nonsense, you just want the techniques, so I'll get to that very soon, I think first though it would be good to talk briefly about rapport.
If you think about your friends, and people you've known for a while, you know theres a feeling of a stronger connection between you than between yourself and someone you've just met. For the sake of this thread, I'd like to put it down to just two main things... 1) you've known them long enough that you're both comfortable with the idea of eachother. 2) You've had enough time to share experience and find commonalities.
Now one big thing people complain about, is flakes. Most people seem to get them, some people more than others. But I've seen enough people running their game to realise why this is happening.
These guys are doing everything good, opening well, qualifying, etc etc, getting numbers, being attractive, all that sort of crap, but I can see that the number isn't a strong one. You can see it, you can tell when the girls leave, that they feel like they've just been chatted up and have given their number away. When the guys follow up, their isn't enough comfort/rapport for the girls to always want to respond, regardless of how spectacular your 'opener' was or how refined your 'number close' technique is.
So you may be wondering, how can you create a strong connection with someone in five - twenty minutes, when it usually takes months or weeks of knowing them.
In the time it's taken me to write up to here, I could have already created a strong enough connection with someone to carry it on in the future with them wanting it themself.
Well we've already established sharing experiences and commonalities helps create rapport, ...heres a few different ways I like to do it, you may want to try these out yourself...
Sharing emotions...
when someone expresses an emotion, express that same emotion, in agreement with them. Express it through your tone/words/body language.
Perhaps using words like "argh I know what you mean" / "argh I know how you feel" ...but you must express it emphatically. (This example is of negative emotion)
You can then add/relate a recent experience to it... for example if she's just told you she's pissed off as some guy has stolen her purse, you empaphise then bring up how you lost your car keys, or something, and make a funny comment/joke out of it... which I talk about in the next 'technique'...
Sharing emotion with someone, shows you both feel the same way about things and are in agreement, it puts you both on the 'same side' so to speak.
Shifting emotions
This I find works best after 'sharing' their negative emotion. You don't want to just always be sharing/agreeing to their emotions, otherwise you're going to come across as a bit needy and too agreeable. Which is why you're going to want to make sure you shift their emotions...
When agreeing with and sharing an emotion, you can shift the emotion to something positive. This will achieve several things, firstly it will make them associate you with 'feeling better' or feeling 'good', and after having done times, you will be someone they want to spend a lot of time around - you make them feel good. It'll also be ANOTHER 'shared' emotion... Hopefully you're starting to realise how easy it is to blast people with a rapport creating combo. Racking up those rapport points.
(it also makes sure you don't appear to just be nodding along to everything they say/feel)
WARNING: by 'shifting' emotions, do NOT just say things like 'ah things could be worse' or try saying anything along the lines of 'you gotta look at the brightside'. You can't suggest the idea of being positive, just DO it. You have to shift the emotion, not suggest it.
Spiking emotions
Laughter I find to be the easiest emotion to 'spike'. If you've already established some kind of rapport with someone, they'll be more likely to laugh when you do. So when you're in conversation and decide to laugh about something (doesn't necessarily need to be funny), they'll usually hop on board.
This does something else that is interesting to note... they have started to agree with/share YOUR emotions, so obviously this lends itself to leading them, and them investing in seeking rapport with you.
Flipping emotions
Similar to 'shifting' emotions, but could be a little risky to perform, so I might come back to this one if I find a better way of explaining it. I also don't want to throw in 'complex' things.
I'm writing this in a slight rush, and think I've wrote enough on emotions to get you started... what else can creat rapport...
Commonalities
You may think it's rare to find obvious commonalities with everyone, but you're likely looking too specific. If you do happen to share a specific commonality with someone, don't be afraid to milk it a bit at first, as you'll likely end up sharing a lot of emotions/feelings about the commonality which will only go to help boost rapport.
You can share commonalities without them being specific, you could link being a fashion designer and being a mechanic or something down to having to pay attetion to detail ( I don't know how true that is, but you get the point ), you can have commonalities in the way you feel about what you do.
Commonalities can also be pulled from your surroundings/emotions etc, the possibilities are (almost) endless.
I'm going to have to cut this short for now, but shall hopefully be back to refines this when I'm less tired or perhaps I'll make a part 2.
With all of these things though, the best piece of advice I can offer, is to just talk about whatever, don't be focussed on trying to find commonalities, don't be focussed on trying to share emotions, don't be focussed on any one thing, just talk a load of random shit, and you'll find oppurtunities flying around everywhere for the chance to connect on something.
If you stay too focussed on trying to 'DHV' or 'Qualify' you'll end up missing a lot of oppurtunities to create a strong connection/rapport with the other person.
I find having the ability to create a quick rapport and connection with people instantly changes interactions from trying to keep the girl/person in the interaction while you 'build' attraction, and rather, they stay there because they enjoy it and want to be there. I often have chicks ask for my number due to the vibe and feeling that we have known eachother a long while.
When people want to be around you, you hardly have to do much 'game' at all. It all becomes a lot easier.
And as far as texting, I'm able to turn around slightly disinterested girls, but it's an effort I really hate having to make, and I'm sure you would too, create a strong enough initial interaction, and you'll have a lot LESS problems with flakes and such things.
I'm rambling a bit now, so that shall be it for now.
Much Love
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~Finesse
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