Caught my girlfriend "cheating!"



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Mr_B
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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 10:55 am 
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Consistence, looks like you already made your mind up on what you are going to do before you wrote this post.
Looks like you were just looking and hoping for other people's opinions to help justify your already made decision on staying with her.

In my oppinion staying with this girl lowers your own personal value's and beliefs.
Getting rid of her and moving on will preserve self respect and you will most likely end up growing more as a person as this is just one more of life's experiances.
Fuck her. There are probably soo many girls that want to fuck you as it is.
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LexLuthor
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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 9:42 pm 
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breakup, relationships dont work without trust, too much paranoia in the mist
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Consistence
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 11:08 am 
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Bump

This can also relate to my new post "this forum changed my life"

going to delete this posts soon :)

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Consistence
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 11:13 pm 
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Lodewijkp

Should really have listened to you dude...

but your posts helps me alot now to forget about her as a nice to keep girl!

I am glad she is out of my life :D

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n17
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 10:10 pm 
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This is my first post so I'd like to say Hi to everyone. I know that this topic is very old. But at the same time is very good. Information here are solid and helpful.

I was in long term relation ships for several months, nearly a year. At some point things started to go wrong. Lack of communication. Trust. She cheated on me first kissing other guy, than few weeks later sleeping with.

We are not together. But she's not gone completely from my life. I think that I made up my decision. I don't want to hang around some chick that behaves that way.

However I do not now what should I do to regain the status. I don't wont to seem needy. Also I don't want to be a complete idiot.

At the moment vibe is as follows. She's with him. However she feels terribly sorry for me. Saying that she never wanted to hurt me. (As she says.) I believe she is saying that only as her ego is afraid to accept the truth of what she has done and what she really is.

I have two questions:

1. If I tell her everything that what she didn't do when I needed her most. And What she has been doing while I was dealing with some other problems. And other unacceptable behaviour that I won't tolerate now at all.
What will it say about me?

2. Is there any cool way to severe the connection regaining some status and making her realize that she has chosen the wrong guy to be with.

Kind regards
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Herne
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 12:01 am 
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you must vanish from her life for 2 months-absolutely, phone,facebook etc--it must be like u dropped off the edge of the earth
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n17
PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2012 8:48 am 
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I've sent her a text already that whenever time comes she might be in real trouble I'll help her ... Some might say I have good heart but the truth might be I don't want doing something so people will dislike me.

Since she left she sent me few texts and messages about how sorry she is and that she hopes for the best for myself. It might seem I have mention that before. But it's still confusing me and I'd like to get a fresh view/ confirmation on that.

Even critics about myself is highly welcome. After all some guy stole my girlfriend I've been living with. I feel like a shit. Because of that. However I accepted reality and trying to move on.

She still need to get some stuff from my place and drop the keys off. I was thinking about writing a letter. Stating how she made me feel. Pointing the fact that she didn't care about me but about her ego. The fact she didn't fight for us but found a consolation in other guy. Question why did she sleep with me after the first cheating. (Putting, that part about validation herself and learning something new to use in order "to shine like a star now with a new guy.") However somehow I feel like its bragging and it will not meet the target. It will just show how low status am I to put the mud in somebody else face. To make them feel like shit.

The truth is I feel like shit. I am sad and mad in the circles. I'm thinking how much I loved her and about all the things I could have done. And I'm thinking how "bad" I have to be comparing to the other guy.
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Crypto
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 2:45 pm 
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To Lodje and others:

She didn't leave the chat open on purpose, she left it open because she forgot (fail). I see that you strongly support the opinion of me breaking up with her, and I would certainly do that myself if I had lots of emotional feelings for her. I would of done it now, at this second, and I'd make her cry! But that is not the case. Im into this relationship to work on my skills as a boyfriend (sexually etc) and to have a bit of fun, which I have, and there are some reasons that are keeping me from breaking up with her at this moment:

- It gives me social status to be with her, she's very pretty, and I LIKE social status
- I can find sex elsewhere, but to adjust to a new partner and be disappointed of her blow-jobs is quite stressfull, and it takes time to find a new fuck-buddy too!
- She's a cool person to be with and we have lots of fun

I have only two options in my opinion ;) Here they comes...

1) TELL HER THAT I CAUGHT HER CHAT-LOGS AND DUMP HER RIGHT AWAY. In one way this is nice because she's not a good girlfriend at all, but it would also give me the paranoid-boy reputation and I don't want that, lol :P

2) PRETEND LIKE NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. This is good because it will still give me sex and a bit of fun, but it's bad because she will most likely cheat on my in next to no time, and I don't know if my self-value would handle it.

So, if I decide to break-up with her, how to mention the chat-log without being a paranoid boy looking at her logs because I am needy and insecure?

- Consistence :D
You don't need to give her a reason that you are breaking up with her! Just say I don't think we should see eachother anymore and leave. Her mind will do the work for you, she will eat at herself to try and figure out what she has done wrong. If you provide her with reasons, you provide her with tools that allow her to defend herself even if only in her mind.

Example: If you tell her you read her chat she will be able to justify it in her mind "He does not trust me and is snooping around behind my back" which allowes her to see you as the one at fault and completely ignore the fact that she does not deserve to be trusted.

Example: If you just say "I don't think we should be together anymore!" she will not have anything to associate the break-up with and thus cannot pass the blame off on you in her mind. She will start to wonder why you broke up with her (i.e. another girl, bad sex, loss of attraction, being a bitch, etc...) which will self compound and grow like a cancer in her mind. It will drive her crazy for a while and most likely she will see you as more valuable because you are willing to leave her. The one who breaks it off first is always the one in control of the situation.


Peace...

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Herne
PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:25 am 
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''She will start to wonder why you broke up with her (i.e. another girl, bad sex, loss of attraction, being a bitch, etc...) which will self compound and grow like a cancer in her mind. It will drive her crazy for a while and most likely she will see you as more valuable because you are willing to leave her.''

Oh thats good....I like that
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Tinfoil
PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:36 pm 
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I only read the opening message and not your other posts, so basing it on that...

It depends how much your into her,

As I see it, theres two options. To keep it basic, wether she has cheated or not, she has done something I would not be happy with, talking about bubblebaths with her ex etc. To me, thats not acceptable. so you do one of two things, confront her, tell her its not acceptable, punish her bad behaviour.
Or, just break it off with her. Its upto you, if she says " I cant believe you read my messages" ignore that, thats not the point. Dont stand for her bullshit, poor excuses. You have ex's too, yet you dont go messaging them (im assuming)

I dont know you, but you deserve better than a cheating girlfriend, everyone does.
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raii
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:33 am 
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Quote:
Well, you seem to understand and accept the situation rather well, this allows you to have a few more options. :)

If you were "in love", "oneitis" etc then of course the only reasonable thing to do would be to break up with this girl, but as you "don't really care" you don't necessarily have to do this.

What I would do in your situation: for the time being stay with her for the sex HOWEVER game other folk as well (she's doing it, so it's not like you're going to get in trouble for it! 8) ) Keep emotions out of it and make good use of her, besides you can always dump her when you find someone better anyway.

I'm against this because it puts OP at emotional risk. Sex is linked to emotions and if it's as good as OP says, it's only a matter of time until he subconciously attaches his heart to this dead weight before she jumps in the river.


Fuck her right, dump her and cease conversation. She'll be on your hook and will eventually (after sleeping with "Don Juan") realize that you were the better choice of the two. Then she'll either become bitter that you won't take her back, or you'll bang her but no longer feel the same. She'll constantly pine for your attention no matter what though.
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-enjoi-
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 6:38 am 
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i mean you can have sex with anyone you can even fuck a cat on the street.
This deserves a standing ovation

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