I've been a member here for a while, around 6 months, and I've been aware of the community for a bit before that, and so far I have not been able to make any noticeable improvement whatsoever.

I want to do this, I really really do, but I just can't seem to do it.

I'm not sure if I'm scared of trying and failing, or if I'm scared of succeeding, as strange as that may sound.

All of this above doesn't just apply to pua but to other areas of my life too - I'll find out about something, really want to do it, start it and then stop halfway through without really knowing why - I kind of feel like I don't deserve it, like in this case I don't think I'm deserving of goodlooking women. Like when I worked at a bar, and a nice girl came to the bar, the confident guys would be trying to get there to serve her and chat her up, whereas I would shy away because I was scared.

I've always been painfully shy with a horrible horrible lack of confidence outside my small comfort zones and I don't think if I could handle the constant rejection (a little like spoon from pua2).

I have some serious self esteem issues from being short and skinny, I tried going to the gym but only went a few times before I dreaded going so much I stopped.

I can't afford to go on a bootcamp or anything else (not by a long way) as I barely make enough to pay bills etc. which also means I can't really afford to buy new clothes, change my appearance/avatar much either.

I am pretty intelligent, sharp witted with (I believe) a lot of potential but I just don't have the confidence to go and chase my goals - I'm worried I'll end up falling into place grinding out a poorly paid 9-5 unfulfilling job for years in an unsatisfying life. I have so much desire to make changes but struggle finding the motivation and confidence to actually start.
I end up spending a lot of time on the internet as a form of escapism, something I feel I may come to regret in my later years (no-one is on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time on the internet, right?)

Anyway, typing that was good.
If anyone can think of any way to help me get started achieving my dreams and starting to believe I am worthy of them it would be more than appreciated. I find I work quite well with lists, if that helps

You are not affraid to succeed, you are afraid to fail and afraid to be judged. Your ego is crushing you. You don't want to dissapoint yourself or lower your value in your eyes by failing so you don't try. You convince yourself through thousands of bullshit reasons that you shoudn't try. When you were 5 yr old and tried a bike for the first time you didn't expect to get it and you didn't; you just tried. What happended? In one week you where riding a bike.

Now with this you want to succeed right away. You won't allow yourself to fail. You want every girl you approach (did you even get that far? or did your self image prevented you to go that far?) to just drop on their knees and suck your dick. One step at a time. Allow yourself to be clumsy, allow yourself to be rejected and learn from those and more importantly, do it again.

Sorry if my response is harsh, but you need a kick in the balls. Don't become your ego's bitch. Just do it. Don't even think about the "how are people going to view me" " I'll just look dumb" . Just do it.

_________________
Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

wise word my friend.i think we all need someone to be brutally honest and i think u pretty much did that.

but trust me my friend things will get better.just dont stop trying.u fail 100 percent of the time u dont try so why be that guy?i really hope that things work out for you and u get more balls to just do it.belive me this game is only as difficult as u make it

_________________
~remember were not just picking up girls.were building a better life.~mystery.

I agree with these guys.

Also, try to get a wing-man with ambitions! I think that would help A LOT in your case.

heres a quote that I have as my desktop background
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

theres no simple fix, I know its hard and I know its scary but can you think of anything worth having being easy. but the funny thing is everytime you face something that is hard and that is scary it slowly becomes easy and alot less scary. So GO FOR IT start off a little bit out of your comfort zone and promise to yourself each day you'll push yourself more and more.

Didn't even get that far. Half tried it once then ejected at the earliest opportunity due to nerves.

When I say scared of success I kind of mean I don't feel like I deserve success or am capable of earning it so trying is sort of pointless as it won't happen or if it does it will be down to luck and won't last.

I get a lot of analysis paralysis as well which I don't know how to get past - I find I am second guessing myself a lot too which leads to more confusion and inaction.

I don't think bootcamps are a neccessity, even La Ruina and AFC Adam admit this (I've heard an interview Podcast they did with eachother a while back), in fact they never really attended any if I remember right. You can also get books on PUA on amazon for less than £5 in some cases. There are plenty of free videos online as well for you to look at.

I personally don't believe in needing to go to boot camps to figure out how to be more confident and meet more women.

What you DO need is some drive and some confidence to get started.

It sounds like you are crippled by fear. You really need to work past this, and the only way to do that is to make small steps on a regular basis towards where you want to be.

Maybe start by listing 3-4 things you REALLY want to accomplish. Small goals like getting 2 phone numbers, etc. Then write down what you need to do to accomplish that goal (talk to 1 girl each day, etc) and a date by which you will accomplish it.

Also, not to be mean but you need to MAN UP. Stop making excuses for yourself.

I guarantee you could be VERY successful if you put some work into it.

i really identify with what your saying about yourself. i have had the same problem all my life. and the truth is im sick to death of being me, i cant really describe the way i used to feel about myself but im sure you already know.

by the time i was 24 i had no friends. i hadnt slept with a woman in years. i even remember this really really cute girl i saw on a bus she smiled at me and i ran to the back of the bus and thought to myself she would never like me anyway.


its been a long process. but im pretty good with people now.

i got a job in telesales so i could get used to talking to people. it helped a lot. then i found out about pua a while ago.

i just had to grit my teeth and go through the pain. i honestly dont want to end up alone and miserable. and u know what. im not iv started making friends. i just got rid of 3 girls cos they were annoying me. like really badly. sex just isnt woth that.

i went out with a friend on sunday niht for a quick drink to say hello to a couple of female friends i know. we ended up going on a massive pub crawl all over the city and just had the best time.

ps im also very self conceous i used to self harm and have a lot of scars on my wrists. i can also wear short sleeved tshirts today witout feeling judged.

i really hope this helps dude. stick at it.

ps Yossarian is right set yourself some goals.

dont worry about phone numbers for now.

i would start with approaching.

apprach 5 people and ask them the time.

approach 5 attractive women and ask for the time.

approach 5 attractive women ask for the time then compliment them on something. their shoes, women love being complimented about their shoes.

go direct. walk up to 5 women and say hi i dont mean anything by this i just wanted to say i saw you and thought u were cute.

do it in this order then when u get to the cute one it wont be as bad. just have simple goals.

i also like to watch films with people i admire on them. fight club. usual suspects. things like that. with people with dont take shit attitudes. it helps.

Hello Locket

Do you think you have underlying and fundamental issues with yourself, such as self-esteem, that prevents you from becoming who you really can?

You said you believe you have a lot of potential. Is that correct? In order to unlock this potential, to utilise all this great stuff you're doing well to learn then, it might now seem clear to you that you have to solve these internal self-esteem and confidence issues before you begin pick up.

To be honest. Confidence and self-esteem in my opinion will get you 50% of the way anyway.

This change you need to make, then, is not really something you can get from pickup. At the moment you are like a tree trying to grow without roots, you know how that feels?

Here are some potential changes and methods that are targeted at your issue:

1. Get a job working with people. Retail sales is very good.
2. Make top-down changes, such as changing your routine. These will carry through internally.
3. Learn life skills. Learning how to do a coin trick, or poetry or music or even sports can be done for free or at very little cost.
4. What are you good at? Get better at this.
5. If you can flesh out around £60 (probably per session), try and see a hypnotherapist or NLP practioner. I very much recommend the former for fundamentally ridding you of your issue.
6. If you want a powerful NLP-related method to help you get rid of your anxiety, let me know and I'll slap one down. I just don't want to go through the effort of writing it if you're not going to use it.
7. Start small. Every big journey is made of a thousand small steps.

Can you visualise yourself, say, a year or two years from now, being somewhere different? Talking to people a bit more? There is a part of you that knows you have the potential to make it. It's just a matter of time. And the first step to solving an obstacle is identifying it - you're half way there mate, even if you don't know it right now x

Man - I have the exact same problem. I know I have a lot of potential, but am deathly afraid to do anything. My whole life I was raised with extremely low self-esteem and intimidated by women.

I first started learning the pick up arts 3 years ago. When I first started, I thought I did well. I forced myself to do approaches and it started helping me. Well then I started dating this total cunt for about a year and a half. She belittled me to shreds. Throughout my whole life, the only women I could get were those who had some major inner issues.

I met a guy who has taught me lots of great principles of pick up, but am too scared to get back to where I need too.

My point is man, you're not alone!

Locket, I sympathize with you. I'm currently working toward banishing my shyness, but it's a long, hard road. To give you an example, I went to another job interview today. I got so damn wound up, I ended up taking a quarter of a Valium in order to calm myself down! I'm 37, so that means I have 37 years of bad social habits to rid myself of. That isn't going to happen in a bootcamp, or a few months, maybe not for several years! Be patient with the process....

From your post, your problem isn't shyness, it's that you're missing something, 3 things actually: You lack ambition, confidence and a tolerance for discomfort:

AMBITION: I've looked through your posts here on the site, and I don't see any mention of your goals as far as PUArtistry goes. Myself, I (eventually) want to be seen as the life of the party. Being a mPUA is a distant second compared to having a rich social life IMO. My social anxiety right now puts me a long way away from that goal, but I'm determined crawl toward it...inch by inch if I have to. Try this site http://www.about-goal-setting.com/index.html out for starters. Once you've forged some goals, post them here, so if you start slacking off, we can call you out and help you get back on track.

CONFIDENCE: This only comes about through successful practice, as well as patience in the on-going process. I say "successful" practice, in that you need to start with small things (ie, The Newbie Mission), complete them successfully to the point that they are effortless, and only then do you move to the next lesson. If you're failing, STOP...as you are only reinforcing failure on your own psyche. Back off, analyze what went wrong, correct it, then reload. (btw, I'm re-doing the Newbie Mission tonight, as I was choking up big time at the beginning of it...gotta get my own confidence up!)

TOLERANCE FOR DISCOMFORT: I was going to say "pain" instead of discomfort, but we're not talking about physical pain, it's more mental anguish than anything. The human being was built to avoid pain at all costs, but unfortunately, people cannot grow without change in their lives, and CHANGING IS DAMN PAINFUL. Go to the gym and look around at all the buff-heads working the weights. They don't have to lift those heavy bars of metal to survive, they are subjecting their bodies to pain so they can CHANGE THEIR BODIES FOR THE BETTER. And as their physical muscles are growing, so are their mental muscles that help lift the burden of pain out of the way of your mind's goals. You need grow your mental muscles if you want the brass ring my friend.

Dude, I'm not trying to tear you down. I see a lot of you in me, from what you've described here. I want you to succeed. But it's not going to happen without you redoubling your efforts and focusing on the 3 things I just mentioned. I would recommend you find a wingman IRL that can help you out when you get stuck, as I sense that you might need help getting motivated at times, and a partner can help keep you honest.

Hope you stick around and manage to stick to your guns.

Dude, man the fuck up.

Read these posts that people have spent time writing for you. Set yourself small goals, like asking 1 woman a day for directions or the time. Then move on from there. There is a wealth of information out there so you have no excuse. I highly reccomend taking Rafiel up on his offer to help you with some NLP.

Seriously.

_________________
- Scratch

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty

Thanks guys - sorry it's taken me a while to reply, I have a new job in a bar (which happily fits with Rafiel's point 1) and have had a tough first few days, getting used to the late nights again may take a while!
Rafiel, if you read this I would love that NLP method you mention in your point 6.

I do have self-esteem issues, and they all stem from being short - its hard to feel like an alpha male when you are constantly looking up to everyone else who is taller - I don't feel like I could win any physical confrontation if it was required, and I'm a lot smaller and weaker than most which is not helpful for feeling like a man. This is my biggest issue by a long long way, and I'm not sure how to get over it.

I can and frequently do visualise myself being different, doing different things but it's so far from where I am now it's difficult to know where to start!

Yossarian / Hank Moody, I like your simple approaches - I think I will try them when I go into town either tomorrow or thursday to get some new (different) clothes in anticipation of my first payday - does anyone know of any good resources / threads for fashion tips? Preferably advice on what to do on a tight budget as well would be helpful!

I also watched Oceans Eleven yesterday, and watched Brad Pitt for his body language.

Rafiel:
1) Done (although it was rather coincidental!)
2) I will not only have to change a routine, but really pick one and stick to it! There are so many different methods out there I read too much and ended up stumbling around with some sort of composite method, not really knowing what I was doing.
3) I've rented a magic book from the library - it's always something I have been amazed by (I love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-XHG4_FhKE in particular and would love to start learning.
4) I'm ok at the guitar, I should really get it out again and improve! And I'm good at football (soccer), but I found this tended to isolate me from girls in a social setting as I kept in my comfort zone talking about football (an area I am knowledgeable about and comfortable talking about) and generally its a guy sport so the only people I spoke to were guys (although I did make friends)
5) Can't come close to affording that right now I'm afraid. Maybe someday...
6) Please do
7) I need to. It's very hard though because I know the journey is going to be so long and painful.

Darkst0rm - I have so much ambition, but I am too scared to attempt to achieve it. Part of the reasoning behind the fear is this (quoted / paraphrased from my post above) But you are right, my tolerance for discomfort is very low, in this area at least. I need to force myself or perhaps entrust one of my friends with my aims, I have someone in mind.

I have just looked at the website you posted now and I'm actually about to go to bed but I have a day off tomorrow so I will check it out then.

I'm on it.

Thanks for the help so far guys.