Okay, I'm going to go into a little bit of psychology and NLP. Well, pretty much NLP is part of psychology as well and how the mind works.

The Subconscious mind doesn't do negatives - therefore, if you state to yourself, "I don't care about her!" Well, you're subconscious mind says, "I do care about her!". With that in mind, you start acting like you care of everything she does.

So, here's the dilemma - since the subconscious mind doesn't do any negatives then how are you suppost to "Not give a fuck, but give a damn!" kinda thing?

I think I may have on solution of not letting a woman bother me that much. I have got better with rejection-so if a girl on a street rejects me it shouldn't really matter because I re-frame my experience by replacing a negative situation with a positive one. So, say Ms. HB comes along and we talk and blah blah blah, I ask for her number and she says, "Get fucked loser!" Now, is it my problem or is it hers? Do I take a gun out and shoot her? No, what I do is tel myself for reframing my experience is, "I'm far better off with out her in my life!" or "Eh, it's her lost!"

However, the tricky thing for me is that when I build an emotional connection with a girl - the rejection makes more of a impact. I went on a date three weeks ago. Everything was fine, she bought me a couple of drinks and we kissed in the car, I put my hand on her leg. I got out and we kissed again. I waited a couple of days to call her and when I did she didn't respond. Oh, well - right? So i waited a couple of more days and called her back, still no answer. Hmmm, now this is starting to become a pattern. It was stinging because I "thought" everything was okay. Maybe not DHV'ing enough did me in. I was confused and hurt. So, I tried going on another date, and so on.

So, my question is how do you guys not give a fuck but give a damn? In my situation, I finally got over that girl because I wasn't too emotional involved with her.

Now, this one time I had a major crush on and "thought" she liked me too but turned out she doesn't and my hurt turned into rage. I'm sure you guys know the story of busting down the therapy room door because I thought she was sucking off her client. Yeah, anyways - it still hurts but I got over it some.

I also learned not to look for IOI's alot. If a girl likes me she will let me know some kind of way. So, I built a new definition of how to tell a girl likes me or not. My problem with that girl I went psycho on was that I read in too much. If I didn't read in too much and hoped she liked me - I wouldn't bust down any doors and turn into a lunatic. So, I learned a big deal from that situation.

Back to my original question my friends - how do you not give a fuck but give a damn. Thanks for all the input.

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???! This statement is so flawed in language that I can't even begin to say that the meaning it's supposed to represent is incorrect...sorry.
I never understood people who say things like that - "it's her loss" - to me that's just deluding yourself, not effective reframing. Clearly it's not her loss because she didn't want to be picked up in the first place (evidently) whereas the PUA did want to pick her up. I think this is treating the symptoms of your problem, not the cause.

I kind of feel for you because I can be the same. I get really stroppy sometimes if I don't get the girl I want and WHEN I want. For example yesterday I had arranged a day 2 with a girl who I really like (and is somewhat famous in the UK), but I wanted to meet at 6pm. Turns out she texted me at 10pm asking to meet up (I think she just wanted to hook up at that point) and I just said no I'm out of town now because I was pissed off. The other related issue I have is that often before I even approach a girl I'm already planning where I'm going to close her, what positions, or where the day 2 will be and on what day I'm free to do it - and normally this is fine but sometimes I get so far ahead that if it doesn't happen it's a bit like..."Oh...........".

Anyway, back to your point. It all sounds a little...facade-esque to me, if that makes any sense. I don't think you're dealing with the underlying issues that relate to inner game and intellectual sense.

By inner game I mean you need to be secure about yourself. If you are getting sad at rejection in general it probably boils down to insecurity at some level. If you are confident about yourself, then you can clearly think to yourself: "OK, she rejected me, well, I'm an awesome guy (not in an arrogant way) so she must be busy or something happened to her - fair enough." Alternatively, you might think "Yeah, my game wasn't that tight this time, fair enough, I can do better." With the latter reason, it takes a level of security to acknowledge and be cool with that. Also maybe you are lacking an abundance mentality.

By intellectual sense I mean you can understand that the girl might have been having a bad day, just broke up with her bf, on her periods or something like that.

The final thing I would say is that you also have to make room for your personality. You can't hone every single imperfection you have - sometimes you have to make the distinction between an imperfection and what is simply a part of your personality. Like some of my flaws I listed above are just parts of my personality, and I wouldn't spend too much time correcting them; it's just who I am. Having an abundance mentality really helps but it's not the entire solution - it may just be your natural character to invest in girls a lot which will of course lead to a greater downfall should it come. In this case, the key is just to be aware of this and pre-empt it so that nothing comes unexpected, as that makes it more painful.

love x

Okay, I've read your post and it seems that you are afraid of rejection.

You need to understand that when you are able to completely let go of everything, in that moment you will be truly free. Free to do anything you want, and no one can stop you. Only in that moment of freedom of not caring.

See, people fall into the following traps and I'll explain each one.

#Importance - importance is something we men have invented and has become built in over the thousands of years of evolution. Trust me, NOTHING in life should be too important to you, or not at all. I won't tell you exactly why attaching importance to something is completely pointless, but you need to understand that it only cripples you and clouds your overall judgement and thinking.

#Desire - desire itself does not get you anything. People say : "The more you want something, the more likely is it that you're gonna get it!" This statement is so dead end wrong. It should truly be like this: "The more you want something, the LESS likely is that that you'll ever gonna get it." Desire alone cannot get you anything. I can want to be Bil Gates as hard as I want, but nothing will ever happen. Again , get rid of desire. There is a difference between desire and wanting something. Example: You want a new pair of socks, you do not desire them badly.

#Fear, Anxiety, Bad ongoing scenarios in your head - these things follow up if you fall into the above two traps. This third trap is fatal. You need to make peace with whatever may happen. If you really must, think of the negative possible scenario that might happen, and mentally prepare yourself for it (think of what to say, how to behave), in case the worst happens. It will make you a bit more comfortable.

You see, you need to completely CLEAN your mind. As Yoda would say:
" Let go of everything you MUST!" this is a personal NLP anchor I use on myself when I visualize Yoda speaking to me. I become calm as a monk.

Just close your eyes for a few seconds. Let go of everything and when you're done, you'll be aware of what's going on, instead of spending your mind's energy feeding the anxiety, stress, you name it.

You need to understand that your "WANT" needs to be PURE.

When you buy a new newspaper you do not feel anxiety, desire, too much importance. All you need to do is simply walk up, say hay to the newspaper guy, choose your paper, pay for it and leave.

Your mind must be pure as if you buy groceries.

This is pure intent: "Being ready to take action and being ready to have."

This is all I can say for now.

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Not caring comes from not attaching importance to things that don't deserve it.

And the ability of "detaching" comes from being out of your comfort zone many times.

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Keep flying until, you are the king of the hill.
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She says this face that you see, is destined for history.

there's actually noting wrong with that.

The mind doesn't do negatives. It doesn't recognize a negative statement. Like a statement that says "I am not stupid" the mind still feels as "I am Stupid"

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I get into the habit of doing things that push me outside of my comfort zone as far as possible.

I think the term "not giving a shit" should be more of a- "giving much less concern of other's opinions about you"

Now of course you would rather people think higher of you than lower, but far too often do people overcompensate with being very conservative.

#1 way to do this is to self-amuse...do anything that YOU think is funny and fun. More often than not, this is contagious and everyone around me feels what I am doing, and subconciously joins in. I try to make any situation fun, even if I am going at the courthouse paying a fine

I think because of the way you guys are phrasing this it could mean a number of different things. By negative, I thought Stealth meant "bad". And yes there is a lot wrong with the language used which lead me to this conclusion:

the 'subconscious mind' is a very subjective term. "doesn't do" is a very vague phrase. 'Negatives' an be interpreted in a number of ways - as shown by my potentially wrong interpretation. I'm still not sure what you guys specifically mean.

Using your example with the 'stupid' phrase, yes, you're right, the subconscious mind (whatever you believe that to be) does interpret it like that, but that is not by virtue of the statement being negative. And we should stop using the term negative as I thought it meant 'bad' which I don't think is what you guys are referring to.

I'm just being pedantic here, so, forgive me; I'm pretty sure (though not certain) I misunderstood the original post, hence my getting a bit worked up.

My thrust is being misunderstood big man. We are all aware of this idea in NLP. However, allow me to make myself clear by asking a couple of questions, that are actually counter examples.

So, some of you here are saying that 'negatives' (again, I'd refrain from using that term, 'negative' and 'positive' take on different meanings in NLP, and also vary slightly throughout history and by schools of thought) are not understood by the subconscious. Fine.

What about someone who thinks (to extend Hobbit's examples):

"I'm not ready for this."

or

"I don't like her."

Do you think that that person subconsciously IS ready for this, or DOES like her? Hmm...I doubt it.

Therefore, do you think the subconscious mind processes some statements (such as some examples Hobbit gave), as Hobbit and others have suggested by virtue of them being 'negative' (wince), or for other reasons?

That's what I'm getting at. It's quite a complex point, and I think rather unnecessary.

To Stealth, (as to not take away from the original direction of the thread), a good way to understand his issue better would be for him to ask this question to himself -

You say at times as a result of your issue you feel confused or hurt. Or, you feel bothered. How do you feel about being confused or hurt. How do you feel about being bothered?

To use a common phrase.

You can read into this far to much.

And that goes to all the good people that have replied to this post.

To many people on here will say that they always have an indifferent (not to bothered attitude if the the approach fails). I don't believe that.
Nobody likes rejection.

However i think Tasty's reply is good in parts.

But if you are concerned and you are affected, then what.
What do you do>!!

If you have problems with rejection like others on here have mentioned,
GOOD NEWS.

There are people on here im sure who can help you with that.

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Its getting Hot out there.

Its all to easy.

I want to be a tree!

When you dont give a fuck, you dont think about it. thats all there is too it.
Its like flicking through TV channels, you see one that looks interesting watch 20 seconds of it, then if its losing you, switch it over and look for a more interesting one.

Here is how I "dont give a shit"

Me"hello hot babe whom i am interested in physically, blah blah blah, im going club x tonight, you should come"

Her "Fuck you mother fucker! how dare you ask me that i hope your dick falls off!!!"

Me (thinking) "i wounder what ill have for dinner tonight..."


You only need to think about it later if you would like to figure out what you said that made it go tit's up. Truly, i know im going to have fun with or without her, if she turns down my attempt at extending my value to her by offering her a fun event to come to, then who is really losing out?

I haven't read the above posts yet but I'll try to summarize here.

The idea of the negation in NLP works like this:
"Don't think of a pink elephant."

For you to make sense of this statement you have at some level think of a pink elephant and then negate it.

Applying it to the "I don't give a fuck!" attitude:
If you have to tell yourself to not give a fuck you're already thinking about giving a fuck in your mind.
That's why Ross says he doesn't like the word "confidence". Because the word already has a meaning applied to it. And when you actually have confidence you just have it, you aren't reminding yourself to have it.
A better way to start the "i don't give a fuck!" attitude is to design a new state from scratch and then substitute it in whatever state you are. Because if to have confidence you have to negate shyness, fear, anxiety or whatever you're still experiencing it at some level.
The best way is to start a completely new state.

_________________


"Their compliance is,
'Does she grab your hand?' F*ck you! I want to grab her mind. If I can
grab her mind, she'll be grabbing whatever I want, any way I want her to." - Ross Jeffries

firstly, i recommend that you read the power of now. its magical for this kinda shit.

Its all your mindset mate. i used to be like that, thinking for so long abou the past, until i met a friend of mine who is a natural. I asked him how he did it. and he told me if you act like you dont care for long enough you will actually stop caring. so start doing things which act like you dont care and your subconscious will affirm thee actions and actually make it like this.

hope this helps

Yes this man .

Now that, is well said.

On a side note, there are some very strong NLP methods to negate unresourceful or unwanted states of mind. Do ask if you want detail.

Thanks everyone for the posts. The above post makes sense and it kinda reminds me of, "You gotta fake it to make it!".

Also, there's a lot of negative emotions tied into my mindset about women. Which of course I don't expect you to understand a bit. Which of course is fine with me.

I think someone stated that accepting the rejection as it is will help me, however one must admit sitting through the rejection sucks dick.

Having fun or making a situation humorous is a good way also. For instant the whole ideal of, "I wonder what will be for dinner" after hb tells the guy hope his dick falls off.

A friend of mine is good because he doesn't care if a chick rejects him. He doesn't get mad but goes, "That's nice!" kinda thing. Which I guess is effective for him.

Anger hinders me of course as some of you know. It all stems from my biological mother rejecting me as a child. I'm not going to discuss all the details of what was done to me but that's what's my therapist is for.

someday I'll get over the anger and soon will forgive my mother. However, I do agree creating a new state will help as well.

Well gotta run talk to you guys later.

_________________
"Women Love What They Can't Have!"

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