| Random update:
Ended up hanging out with HB8 again tonight. We attended the same reading and after it was over I said I was headed to an open mic and she was like, "Is that an invitation?" So I said, "Sure," and we both went. It sucked and we just went walking around. At one point she puts me in the LJBF zone. We ended up talking about her reaction to my piece and whatnot (I figure this set is blown so I might as well learn as much from it and why I failed as possible).
We're talking about her kissing guys. It's funny, she says that after kissing me no one else has been good, lol. But she mentions that after kissing someone she always feels the need to run away. I asked if that was the case with me. She said yes. I asked why. She was hesitant but I pushed her through it and she said that ath the time, when it was happening, she was enjoying herself, but on reflection she didn't (whatever that means). Essentially, she had built up in her head, back in high school, the idea of going to college and meeting a guy who was good with words--in every way, on paper, in speech, with a good voice. She developed a perfect archtype. And I fit into the archetype perfectly. She fell for the archetype, but realized she didn't lik me--not that way anyway.
So, what do I do with this? She is actively telling me that I am unattractive to her.
Just to finish out the story of tonight: after that we continued to walk and talk. The conversation came around to my ego (wtf?) and I decided to just completely screw with everything. As we talk about my ego, and we've been talkign about why she's a virgin, and how after she has sex for the first time she'll become a sex-fiend(she said this not me), I say, "Well, honestly, it's a good thing you decided we should just keep things friendly. See the thing is, if we had sex, I'd ruin it for you. You'd have sex with me and every guy afterwards would just be a dissapointment. You'd spend years fucking random guys just to try and have an equal experience. But..." I trail off.
She responds, "Oh so you think you're like the best?"
"No, there's always *someone* better. But you'd spend years whroing yoruself out until you found a better fuck," I said.
We then go into a conversation about how I know I'm a good fuck. But then my ride arrives and we must part ways. As I'm about to leave I turn to her, put my hands on both her arms and say, "Listen, after you lose your virginity, *then* I'll have sex with you. But honestly, I wouldn't want to ruin your first time by being the best you'll ever have." She balks. "It'll be great! We'll have sex, cuddle, and talk about the novel we're going to write together." She continues to look at me like I'm nuts. "Or," I continue, playing off her expression, "We could have sex now, if you really want. Well, not tongiht, I have to go, but later. I'll be very gentle, I promise."
She says, loud and indignant, "You know, that is NOT going to work on me! That is just not going to work!"
I laugh as I start walking to the car waiting for me. "I'll see you later," I call over my shoulder.
She looks back as she too walks away. "I don't know!"
I just put that last part in for laughs. I don't know if she was acutally offeded by that, but perhaps. I'm looking to you guys for some advice on the whole me fitting her archetype but not her actual idea of a potential mate. It's weird, she says things and acts certain ways that make me feel she might still be attracted to me. Like she asks, protesting that there's no hidden intention, if i'm still broken up with my GF. She asks me not to look at her with my puppydog eyes that she fell for to begin with. She tells me that I'm weird, and she really likes it b/c it keeps thigns interesting. But, then again, she's THE most difficult person to read that I've ever met.
Anyway, is this a lost cause, or does anyone see a way to turn this around in my favor?
_________________
If the dream is won
Though everything is lost
We will pay the price,
But we will not count the cost.
-Rush
|
CHAT
