Hey everyone,
I'm looking for some constructive opinions on how to handle a situation.

Through the magic of the internet and one of its popular social meeting sites, I'm back in contact with a lady I felt strongly for 25 years ago. We weren't actively looking for each other but I saw her & reached out. She recognized my name and sent her phone number.

We've talked once... just a couple of days ago. She wasn't overly excitable but still trusts me a lot. She tells me everything about her family members who I knew back in the day even if it isn't flattering. When I cut the conversation off after 20 minutes or so and told her I'd like to continue this, she agreed (IOI, you might say).

The 25 years we've been apart can work to my advantage because we were both kids when we went our separate ways. I'm more established now and her life has not been easy. I did not have enough attraction created then but I have set out on a path to neg & tease her a little while being more unreactive than in the past. Creating attraction and advancing into a personal meeting (I will have to fly to a city near her) are requirements. I must not be easily lumped into the "friends zone". In the past, she has gone for guys who won't commit and make her chase a little even though they are losers.

Anyone have good tips on how YOU would go forward if you were in my shoes?

UPDATE: I tried to call her last night but just got her voice mail. Immediately after, I logged on to Facebook about 9:15 PM and saw her in my chat section as idle.

ME: Hey... funny thing... just tried to call u. You around home?

HER: Not right now. What's going on?

ME: Not a lot. I was just thinking about conversation part 2
When can I reach you by phone?

HER (after long pause): If it's not too late for you, can you call me about 10:30?

ME: Can do.

At 10:30 I called. No answer. Called every 10 min until just after 11. No answer.

Possibilities:

A. General flakiness or got delayed
B. Home but sees my number on call waiting and avoids

I think A is the correct answer for now but the result is not flattering either way. What would you do in this situation?

Personally, I wouldn't have called her as often as what you did. You could have just called her once and let her a quick message saying:

"Hiya, It's me. Talk to you later."

This communicates that you aren't needy or fussy about when. Whereas calling her a few times every 10 minutes may not come off as well.

I base that on Mehow's Phone Game Guide, which I think makes a lot of sense.

You don't really know. She might be a bit flakey, but if you like her, i'd say leave it a few days and then drop her another text, but just be general. Don't ask about phone calls or meeting up.

You mentioned negging and teasing her, but maybe drop a playful tease in there.

_________________
"Too much patience will get you nowhere" - Doctor Who (Tom Baker)

You've very likely blown it by calling her so often. Its shows an extreme amount of clingyness and its also seems quite obsessive. Move on...

Yeah, in this situation I would've tried to escalate to a meeting after the very first phone conversation.

"Look I have to go do whatever, but let's grab some coffee later this week and catch up."


catch up = totally non-threatening, non sexual conversation between old friends. Zero pressure. Of course, once she's there, you could turn it up.



And I agree that you probably blew it by calling every 10 minutes. If I were you, I wouldn't have ANY further contact with her for at least a week or two, unless she initiates it. And if she does, try to escalate to a physical meeting.

Tell her you don't like talking on the phone a lot, or something, but get into a physical meeting with her.

UPDATE: I received information a serious event had taken place in my target's life yesterday via her myspace site & decided it would be a good time to call that afternoon.

She immediately confided in me about what had happened and gave extra detail as I asked for it or commented on things she said. We started talking about work & free time. It gave me the perfect segue and I said, "I love the phone and all & really enjoy talking to you but I'd like to see you. If I fly out there, can you clear a day in your schedule for us to get together?" She got excited and said that would be awesome and she'd really like that. So I pushed a little further & said I had some vacation time already scheduled next month. If she could schedule some at that time, we could make it a few days. She replied with enthusiasm that she could do this. I consider it a breakthrough but she then immediately mentioned that she wished she knew where her brother was (whom I was tight with long ago) so she could invite him. I just said "baby steps, now. One thing at a time."

Looks like we will meet up next month. We already have tons of comfort but I need to seriously create attraction so I'm not easily relegated to the friends zone. I'm planning lots of playful teasing & kino. Any good suggestions from you guys? Thoughtful responses so far... thank you very much. Special thanks to Hobbit. You read the situation right, dude.

This is pure gold. Even if you're not friends a "quick coffee and maybe a look round the shops" sounds innocent. Of course when you're there... not so innocent

Listen to Hobbit.

Dont overdo the situation on the phone.

And when you see her: be a pleasant guy to hang around with. There shouldnt be any problems, only possibilities and lots of fun.

I think you have some attraction right now, and you'll have a super chance to make sparks fly when you see her - so dont focus to much on that

You're allready living a great life, you got a lot of things going on and now your going to see a great women. Whatever happens you're still a great guy and this situation can only be a win, for the both of you.

Best of luck

_________________
Vino, vedi, vici.
I drank some wine, I saw her, I conquered

Thought this forum wasn't for newbie questions? Dude, LET IT GO! You are the one who contacted her on the internet...25 years later? Ugh, CREEPY!!!! She now knows that even 25 years later you don't have steady pussy in your life.

The following things give me concern:

* She has referred a couple of times to things that happened in our youth before we were ever an item. I was close friends (best friends for a time) with her brother and the things she has referenced are connected with him more than her. I am concerned that is the way she sees me... more connected to him than to her. The experiences that connected me to her ended in an uncomfortable & awkward way (on two separate occasions). It's only normal for us not to go back there... but I don't really want to stay further back as her brother's buddy and simply a friendly face to her. My current attitude about this new contact we have is "that was then, this is now". I don't bring stuff up. I'm just showing sincerity in normal conversation and being playful now & then to get her loose & laughing.

* Her MySpace profile shows she has a boyfriend and is in a relationship. I don't consider this as much of a threat to me right now because:

A. She hasn't yet made mention of his existence to me and
B. She has made a remark in one of her posts that indicates his commitment level may not be what she wants it to be

Nonetheless, it is a piece of information that I am aware of.

Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, she could could have thoughts that I am just a trustworthy friend or the one she let get away & now regrets or any place in between those two extremes.

I continue to appreciate the insightful remarks from you guys.

QUESTION: I have her e-mail as well as her phone number even though it was her phone number which was originally given to me. Does anybody have a strong opinion on whether I should continue to communicate by phone to firm up our plans or switch to e-mailing some details and questions abut the proposed dates to her instead?

That is a comment completely lacking in wisdom based on the IOI's I'm getting. No one is creeped out. Everything has been welcoming & positive to this point.

Please feel free not to reply again. You're not helping.

You're using your vacation time to fly out to see her? Depending on how close you two were in the past, this could either be OK, or it could be a major sign of neediness and you could be destined for use as an emotional tampon and nothing more.

This is starting to remind me of that movie Something About Mary.

I have tons of vacation time. It's for doing things I like or want to do. This qualifies.

Dude, 25 years later and you are still lapping at the skirt of this chick. I'm not helping? How about help yourself and go get YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP!! Stop hanging around for sloppy 38ths, because you know she has been ran through more than Jamaica. Flying out to see her? LOL, if she wanted to see you, she would FLY TO SEE YOU!!! Not the other way around...25 years later and you are still acting like a chump. Oh, and to say IOI's? Haha, at this age, an IOI is her outright telling you she wants to fuck...and let me guess, she hasn't said that has she?

Initially I asked how close they were 25 years ago. If they were very close, then I don't think that flying out is too much.

If it was just a casual friendship, then you look extremely desperate and you're begging for the emotional tampon SPAM.

You may even end up fucking her once, but trust me, you can't build long lasting attraction on neediness, extreme emotional availability and emotional VULnerability on her part, and a "I wish I'd fucked you 25 years ago" type background.

If you don't play this right, you're either going to get friend zoned, OR, you're going to temporarily have her, and then lose her to an alpha male not too long after.