Quote:
One of my largest sticking points is lack of dependence on groups. For whatever reason, I've always been more than willing to ditch the group and go eat at the cafeteria by myself while others seem to need people to eat with. Another example would be I don't call people to hang out, I generally rely on my 'cool' factor for people to invite me out.
While this is not healthy for relationships, both friends and romantic, it has made me start to wonder what determines who the leader of a group is. Almost every group I've been apart of, I've been the leader of. I really think it has to do with my flaw. As a general rule, I've noticed:
The more dependent on the group you are, the lower your ranking in the group will be.
You raise your value either through social skills, some natural or learned talents, or just overall fun to be around guy. Basically all the stuff you listed. But if your completely dependent on the group for things, you tend to be the follower. The leader of the group seems to be the guy who will do his own thing and brings this stuff to the table.
I'm not advertising this as a great way to live. I really dislike that I'm too detached from the normal social pressures. However, it's much like PUA. There is a balance of neediness vs independence. I don't claim I've come close to this balance, but since I'm on the opposite extreme as most, I do have insight on how it works.
I really think everything you listed doesn't matter if your dependent on the group. Assuming you have value:
Willing to leave the group = Leader
Someone who can't leave the group = Follower
That's just how things work out.
+1
I really like Hobbit's post, it's very similar to ways I were when I was in college.
I used to have a real independance from all of the groups, but I also had a lot of love from them. And what I've just realised, is that, in all of these groups, the people that have known me, have always been of a 'higher ranking' in the group. I used to be able to walk through the hall and get shouts out from a 'high ranking' member in each group for me to come over and hang with them.
What happened, is I came into the group with the
higher/highest ranks treating me as an equal, or someone they admire/hold highly. The only thing I didn't do in this time, was align myself with any one group.
I would say the best way, to be ranked high within a group, is to
be independant of the group, and be of high interest to the highest ranked.
This is why I say charisma gaming is a very useful tool in your arsenal, not for game, but for life. (and yes it helps your game massively too
)
Well done for making this post, Teddy-G, you've opened up an area of discussion that don't seem spoke about often, and clearly theres a lot of useful insight to be gained through it!
Much Love
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~Finesse
CHAT
