Things with me and my girl have been going well recently. We even got engaged a couple of weeks ago:) Then the other day out of the blue, she gets a text message.

The message said "Whats up?" We were together when she got the message. She asked me if I knew the phone # and I said I didn't. She continued to wonder who this could be for about a half hour. I finally asked her if she wanted me to call the number and see who it was. She said "No that's alright". Well I had a bad feeling about this number so a couple of hours later I decided to check her phone. It turns out she had deleted the original message, but had a couple more messages she forgot to delete in which she solicited information from him. The nature of the messages weren't flirtatious or included IOI's, but she still tried to hide it from me.

I knew it was her ex-boyfriends phone # because I had seen it in her phone a while back, before it was deleted out. I checked her phone again several hours after that and all of the messages were deleted.

She has no idea that I have any knowledge of her texting back her ex-boyfriend. My girl gets extremely jealous and pissed when women chat with me. I am always honest about when something happens. So for her to do that to me, really pisses me off. I would love to confront her about this, but I know it would be counterproductive.

When my girl and I were together last time, this is the mother-fucker who she fucked behind my back and broke up with me to be with. They haven't spoken in almost a year. For her to have a conversation with him and not let him know that we are engaged is a bit disturbing.

Should I just play it off as some isolated incident and not worry about it? Should I be extremely cautious of everything she does? Or should I confront her with the info that I know?

thanks

Well it doesn't seem she is going to run off with him so I would dismiss any thoughts or feelings that she is going to cheat on you. However, I cannot understand why you're feeling uncomfortable speaking with her about this. If you feel that you should have a reason for concern then you should be allowed to freely express your concern with her. You should both be free to willingly communicate problems with each other.
On the same note, you should learn to respect your partner's privacy I don't agree with letting your morbid jealousy get the better of you then reading her texts. If you do choose to speak with her about it then leave the texting part out because that will cause the conversation to become counter-productive.
Do what you think you should do.

AFCCoffee

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"At the end of the day these are women's lives we're dealing with, not mere entertainment."

"We are what we repeatedly do. excellence therefore is a habit and not an act."

Well, u've said it all yourself that she once fucked him behind your back and broke off with u to be with him. I still have my doubt that if she have'nt learn her lessons of her previous mistakes she would do it again hoping u are always there to take her back with an open arms after her adventures.

I'm not against my GF talking to other guys including their ex and u can't ban someone on whom she must'nt communicate with as long she knows her limits, if the messages were extremely flirtatious and she developing sexual IOI's for her ex then u have every course to be worry. Both of u are engaged and a reasonable woman would make it very clear that she is in a comitted engagement to discourages further advances from the ex to signal her loyalty to u.

One thing I know about myself is that I don't let any woman take me for a ride as she wants, she once played with your feelings and she is about going down that road again with the same person. I think is best u nip the situation in the bud before its' escalate. If she has been jealous or angry about women contacting u, I bet its time for u to put her in your shoes. Prying into her privacy seems creepy tho but I don't blame u due to past incidence she had put u through , she once dealt a massive blow to your trust on her. right? lol

I know this is a sensitive situation, but its controlable if u handle it right, If u are going to confront her don't do it with the view that u are jealous or angry she is texting or flirting with her ex but to state clearly that what she is doing behind your back is not what u consider responsible and acceptable. Let her realise u forgave her for what she has done in the past that's why she got this far to getting engaged with u and if she messes the relationship up again she is not going to get another chance of forgiveness and u are prepare to go ahead with your life without her. I know its takes much strength to allow a woman to discovered the wrong things she does in her life, but hey your valueable feelings and time are under treat.

Goodluck man.

I agree. If my world, once a cheat always a cheat. Now she finds out this guy is back and immediately thinks about having sex with him. That is my initial gut reaction, as much as it hurts to read it. Now will she act on this sexual feeling? Probably not.
VERY important. Although I don't know if I would confront her. She will be able to twist the situation and make you look like the bad guy for looking at her phone. I would just see what happens. I know you are jealous but you have little reason to be.

The only thing that I see in this situation is she did this once to you before, and I'm not sure I would have taken her back after that honestly.
This is the problem. You have no way to confront her without her finding out because you never knew who it was. You should just wait and see if he comes up again. Make it sound like you found out a different way, then tell her it is unacceptable.

I would just let it go and blow it off. Maybe those "IOI's" you thought you saw are just what you expected. Maybe it is all just insecurity because of the past. She didn't do anything. She found out who it was and was being friendly. You don't have to let this get to you and you don't have to distrust your fiance. I would just say let it go and see if it comes up again. If she starts acting distant, or goes out doing things she normally didn't do. If you suspect her cheating and she is, it WILL come out of the woodwork.

Here is another thing you could possibly try. If you start acting distant and she starts figuring out something is wrong, she might bring it up.

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Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

Thank you all for the help:)

Backstory:
My fiance and I first started dating about 5 years ago. We had a great relationship for about a year and half and then our relationship went to hell. She started manifesting some major issues like physical abuse towards me and always having to get her way, etc... Then I started getting advice on how to handle this from some chick who was going through the same thing with her boyfriend. My girl got really pissed off and thought I was cheating on her. It caused A LOT of drama.

So for about the next 6 months we tried to work through these issues. Things were pretty rough at times, but I thought things would be able to work out. Well one weekend I was out of town and after I got back, she seemed really weird. She all of a sudden was very cold toward me and seemed to have no desire to want to be with me. Then I started seeing all of these new pictures of her on myspace with some new guy. I asked her about them and she kind of blew it off and wouldn't say much. A couple of weeks of her always ditching me to "hang out with her friend", I told her that I think she was cheating on me. She denied it, but would still refuse to let me hang out with her and her friend. So finally, I told her that I want to break up. She was a little upset, but was otherwise fine with it. For a few weeks after that she would still try to call me and e-mail me. Then one morning I got a call from her and said "I told you, if you talk to him, we are done". She refused to stop so I told her "don't call me anymore". (This coincidentally inspired me to learn the pick-up arts after our relationship ended)

That was the last time we talked until 2 years later. At this point a year ago, she had gone through several more boyfriends, but still was in touch with this douce-bag. Then one night the craziest thing happened. Her and her roomate were having a house-warming party at their new place. Sure enough she invites the mother-fucker. During the party it was totally awkward. She was talkative to him, but it seemed like she paid more attention to me. Since we weren't dating at the time, I couldn't tell her that he couldn't come, but it still really pissed me off.


"I cannot understand why you're feeling uncomfortable speaking with her about this."

This particular guy is a bit of a taboo subject. She doesn't even know that I know she cheated on me with him. At the party she tried to play him off as an old friend.
This is the first time he has spoken to her since a year ago. I don't know how to bring it up to her, since she doesn't think I know as much as I do. I know I shouldn't look in her phone, but she told me she has hidden things from a different one of her ex's. I just want to make sure she is not pulling shit with me. And besides, she always checks my phone to try and catch me in a lie.

"she have'nt learn her lessons of her previous mistakes she would do it again hoping u are always there take her back with an open arms after her adventures."

Right on, this is exactly what I want to avoid

"clearly that what she is doing behind your back is not what u consider responsible and acceptable."

Is it okay to strait out tell her I have a feeling she is talking to her ex behind my back?

"If she starts acting distant, or goes out doing things she normally didn't do. If you suspect her cheating and she is, it WILL come out of the woodwork."

I will be sure to watch for that If I notice any of these behaviors, what is the best way to confront them? Any acqusations will be made mostly on assumptions, and wouldn't that push her even further away?

thanks again!

Really tough situation. This happened to me a ways back but fortunately I was not engaged to the girl. She cheated and eventually I took her back but guess what? She cheated again with the same douche bag ex boyfriend, kind of like with you. When this happens you start seeing signs of her infidelity everywhere you look which drives you crazy. Women are fairly predictable once you know what to look for.

If she starts getting cold with you or does not what to have sex during her fertile period these are both huge red flags that she is cheating or about to cheat. Also if she takes her phone with her everywhere she goes. i.e. say you are both on the couch and she goes to the bathroom she will take it with her.

Good luck and keep us posted!

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~Carmo~

Fact with me is that I have'nt had any experience of cheating in my relationship, I have had some instances where I'm trying to get to know a woman that are still somehow not over their ex yet, and when I notice such situation I don't waste my bloody time trying to convince her to forget about her ex, I just cut them loose and give them the option to go figure out what they want, and concentrate my time and energy on another woman that deserve it, that is when they realise they are in for a tough one and it shakes them to conciousness and reality of the kind of world I'm living in.

Peace.

"She cheated and eventually I took her back but guess what? She cheated again with the same douche bag ex boyfriend, kind of like with you."

Did you take her back right after she cheated? We went 2 years without speaking to each other. But it still fuckin sucked big time!

This will sound cold and short, especially since you love her are engaged...but dump her, you'll never trust that kind of girl. If she fucks around behind your back, contacts ex's behind your back and has the nerve to be jealous of you, it will always play on the back of your mind. Find a girl that was almost impossible o get yourself and you'll know that no other guy will be able to get her.

I'm really good at getting girls in serious relationships to sleep with me, married with kids, engaged, on their honeymoon, I've seen and done it all. At least confront her if nothing else.

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Even the most naturally gifted can learn to become better.

I’ve got to agree with Stand UP. It will be at the back of your mind the whole time. The worst is when she gets a bunch of SMS in front of you because you are constantly wondering if she is making plans to fuck around behind your back. This is really bad insecure behavior that is really bad for game but can be avoided if you just distance yourself from girls like that.

To answer you questions, I took her back a month or two down the line but it wasn’t really like I officially took her back. We started to see each other again as fuck buddies but you can only do that for so long before you fall back into the relationship thing. I tried to lie to myself and say that I didn’t care what she did but it was a lie and when I found out she was still fucking her EX I cut her out for good and in the long run I am much better off for having done so.

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~Carmo~

I agree with STAND UP too. You may love her but she has alr cheated on you before. Ask yourself these questions. Are you going to trust her? Are you going to be all suspicious whenever she is acting weird? Do you want to feel all screwed up if anything of this sort happen in the future? Are willing to love her and be with her even when you have no trust in her? Its going to be tough.

I'm sorry to say this, but there's alr a exsiting problem to the relationship after you guys get back together. She has alr cheated on you before. Getting back with her means forgiving her. She can either be thankful for your forgiveness and be loyal to you or she can take it for granted and cheat on you again because she knows that you are willing to accept her even if she cheats.

Although we maybe advising you onto dumping her, its still your decision. Weigh it for yourself. Can you take her cheating on you again? Can you come to a point of trusting her? If both the answer are no, then i feel that its about you move on. Being engage with her i believe you are actually looking in this relationship very seriously and even is planning on marriage. You have to have mutual trust with the lady who you decide to marry.

Some very excellent points guys, thanks a lot

"you'll never trust that kind of girl."

You are soooo right! After we broke up, I discovered she had a whole different side to her. When we dated the first time, she had some morals. After we broke up, she turned into somewhat of a slut and would get drunk all the time. She only fucked 3 different guys while we were apart, but I seen pictures of her with a bunch of other guys. She is very insecure and has a low self-esteem, so my guess she went out seeking happiness from the validation of guys wanting her instead of her ugly friend.

We have been together this time for about a year now. It seems like she reverted back to the way we were before we first broke up, of being a respectable person. Things have been going really well this time, but that thought always lingers in the back of my mind of "what could set her off to do something behind my back? It is a very uneasy feeling.

Her stupid friend always wants to try and meet guys. Her friend is a very ugly chick who has had one boyfriend in her life that lasted for like a month. She is the reason that my girl was introduced to that mother-fucker in the first place. So I have a very strong suspiscion of her friend too, even though she seems to genuinely like me this time.

If I suspect her of trying to pull shit, would it be AFC to confront her about it even if I don't know all of the facts?

Thanks!

ok im newish but have plenty of experience of being fucked around in this sort of way

the women posters on here pretending to be men interested in pua and the male pseudo-feminists hoping to impress the ladies in cyberspace are gonna start blabing about her privacy and her rights and getting over it moving on etc what not

(1) you cannot trust her shes done it before and they ALWAYS do it again---the relationship is going nowhere without trust and you deserve better

Youve lost the relationship but you can still get a nil all draw in fucking up duchebags chances

(2)the next time you get access to player girls phone you text him pretending to be her--IM ENGAGED TO A WONDERFUL HOT GUY WHO MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME--PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN.

Yes---like she should have done when the dickhead contacted her in the first place

THEN DUMP HER

OR

you could sit it out and make that text fairly insulting---if she confronts you about it say you know nothing about it---you could have some real fun here

HER ''did you send a text on my phone to my ex saying that i wanted nothing to do with him and''
You ''why i know nothing about it---why are you so upset you must have sent that text--why what did it say--you didnt mention that he had been in touch with you''
Her '' it said im engaged to this great guy bla bla bla
You ''well THAT is what you WOULD have told him isnt it dear''

THEN DUMP HER

What could you possibly get out of being vindictive other than an immature sense of satisfaction for deliberately causing hurt and pain in someone else's life? That is not productive.