Hey,
MPUAForum Brethren, hope you're all doing well.
Recently I've been looking at myself a lot and reflecting on all my flaws, and everything thats holding me back socially. One of these things was I don't smile enough (apparently), theres actually a few things, but I've came to realise the main, biggest one holding me back. It's something that a lot of other things that were holding me back all lead to.
Expression.
One thing I've found quite often, is when in a new social setting, I often hold myself back. Depending on the group, this can change, but usually, I'll be quite reserved, observing the group, so I know better how to 'intergrate' myself better with them. Even though there are many benefits to this, it is very restrictive, and not really necessary. I used to like 'building' myself into the group, to avoid risk of being to full on, I used to like to creep up on 'em, gradually turning my levels up so to speak.
However, this often lead to me appearing shy, timid, reserved, and introverted. Which most certainly isn't my natural character, as I have often tended to be one of the more bold characters within my groups. And I think this is the reason I was holding my self back... having a very strong character, and being someone who is very playful in a teasey way, I was often worried that I would offend or upset others (which of course, is something I personally wouldn't want to do), which brings me to the subject of this thread, but first I'll briefly explain why this inhibition to freely express myself has been a major dent in my game.
By nature, I'm a very expressive person. Teasing and witty playfulness if a major part of who I am and my interactions, however it could be quite strong, which is why when friends of mine would get into arguments they would always try to get me on their side, because of my super fast witty comebacks. (It would just end in both parties getting shamed, but I digress). This is a very big part of 'who I am', and at risk of being abrassive, I was pretty much hiding it in all of my initial interactions with people. I wouldn't really tease, I wouldn't be playful, and I wouldn't really express myself. This resulted in very plain, generic, formal, interactions. All because I was worried of 'offending' people. Which brings me to the thread subject...
Watch very young children...
Theres been a lot of experiences and events in life which have brought me to think of this, however a very recent experience inspired me to write this.
I was recently put in a situation with a group of strangers, we were then given paper and were instructed to turn to the person next to us. You're probably going to be wondering what this has to do with children, or pickup, and you'll soon see. Once everyone was faced eachother, we were told we had to draw eachother... Instantly you could see the main things that created awkwardness/nervousness in people.
- · People were worried about their abilities and being judged.[/li]
· People are worried about offending this stranger with their drawing of them.[/li]
To make this worse, we were then told we only had 1 minute to make this drawing. Once we had finished we had to show this drawing to the other person, it was interesting to see how careful people had been, some people trying to draw very accurately and detailed, and using these techniques to get it more 'correct', so as to not look unskilled or not offend their subject. My drawing was very bold and exagerated
but that's beside the point... Hopefully you're already beginning to realise what this has to do with pickup and how you can start using these ideas, but where do 'children' come into this...
If you think about very young children, give them a pen/crayon and a peice of paper and tell them to draw someone, do you think they're worrying about their skill or what the person they draw is going to think of their art? NO, of course not. That child will scribble some mad, bold, drawing.(or scribble), either way, they wont be holding back, they will be full heartedly expressing themself. When they finish the drawing, will they be scared of your judging of their skill, or how you feel about their representation of you? NO they will be running over to you eagerly to show you their expression.
Theres a lot that can be learned from children. They haven't yet had societies stupid restrictions hammered into their brains, and have little, if any, inhibitions. They do as they wish, act as they wish, and express themself fully.
I've only recently started trying to express myself more fully, with strangers, in social settings, any setting, and it's proving a massive befenit to me, you feel free-er, more comfortable to express yourself, and able to project your true character and identity. I've now finally found the answer to one of my never ending quests, how to be the centre of a new group of people, and lead/vibe them. I've only just started doing this, and getting hugely greater results, hopefully for those of you who can relate to this situation or who are not yet fully expressing yourselfs, I hope this post has something you can take away from it.
Be bold. Be expressive. Be a big kid.
Much Love
~Finesse
CHAT
or ^^ or 