Oh hey Mr coffee

So nice of you to drop back by.

Could you take the time to answer a few questions for me related to your post?

Perhaps you could clarify to me why the answers I am looking for will not help me or what you feel the answers I am seeking are?

That would be helpful man.

Thanks.

I would, but everyones hands are starting to cramp from writing the same thing over and over and over again.

That's what I thought. You don't have anything to contribute. Your a funny guy though man, you should stop wasting your talent on this thread.

You know what's funny?

In a way this thread was sort of me testing a theory out.

I wanted to see how people would react if I told them that some people just don't like me and see what would happen.

You see I have this theory that has been developing and it is that when humans see weakness (particularly males) they see it as a chance to establish dominance. This is in particular attractive to beta males or males who feel they must prove themselves to others and climb the social ladder within a certain environment.

It's the same dynamic as the kids who use to tease the uncool kids at school. I was one of the cool ones for most of my life but I rarely would pick on the kids that other kids would pick on because I just thought it was cruel and stupid.

What we have in this particular thread is a lot of bullies and a few actually cool chill guys that are actually genuinely trying to help. They don't need to poke fun at some guy they don't know on an internet forum to feel better about themselves. They have so much value to give that it overflows and they can't help but to try to give some of the value out towards others.

What this thread has turned into is not a guy who is not interested in being helped. All one has to do is review the thread to see that.

No. My theory is that what we have here is a handful (and it's really not that many guys just a small handful in this thread) of guys who are using this as a chance to promote their own social status within the forum (which is gay). They saw some read meat, an easy target -- and they jumped on it as a way to vent their own frustrations and feel better about themselves.

Some of them even became close to belligerent and very very nasty when it became clear that I am actually capable of defending myself against the bullying and wasn't just some low self esteem guy here to be a victum and play as everyones punching bag. It's actually kind of humorous to have watched the dynamic in this thread play out to be honest.

I'm done with this. Don't post. read everything over again. Now. Click on page one of your thread.









You need to find help within yourself. Read what everyone has said to you and don't respond. Ignore your replies. They are irrelevant. Hobbit has already said it best.

Man... I'll give you this. You do seem to really want to change. You do not seem to know how to change OR fully believe that change is possible. But at least you're one step down the long road. I'll admit right now that, yes, part of this response is serving my own ego. We all get some ego gratification out of helping others, and really I don't know you, so it's not because I care about you like you're my friend or anything... let's be honest. And maybe part of it is that I do care on some level because you're a human being, too. (high five! instant rapport! lol)

Point by point:
Here's a twist: Do you worry about acting "alpha" in social situations? Do you base your behavior upon your perceptions of what other people think of you? Does it bother you when people don't seem to like you, even strangers you just met?

First, you have to accept the facts -- kinda like the burn scene in Fight Club -- you must understand that people WILL HATE YOU, not maybe, they WILL... lots of them, and many for NO good reason at all.

Just like the fact that you will die, nothing, NOTHING will change that fact. So learn to live with it. Life is too short to live and die by others' opinions.

Now, the problem. Being interested in others' perceptions of you is an issue of egoic reflection. What you need to do is become genuinely interested in other people! NOT their opinions, their clothes, their style, their taste in music, or even what they think of you. Become interested in WHO they are... which is HOW they are. Ever been with one or more person really having a great time, and someone starts laughing setting off a chain reaction, and eventually you can't even look at each other without cracking up...? Become interested in people like that.

As mentioned by Fin, How to Win Friends and Influence People is a great book. Even further, I recommend A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, especially chapters on your and others' Pain Bodies.
Why do you need to put people "in their place"? If this is a hidden reason behind someone kidding around with people, it's no wonder people don't like to joke around with that someone. Teasing, joking, kidding -- done right they are just that. Using humor as a vehicle for judgment is not only destructive to others, but also to the self.

This is where letting go comes in. Being "right" or "proving" one's self often comes at too high a price.
Stop worrying about THEIR perception of you, and start paying attention to your perception of them. In fact, forget your "perception" -- just see/hear/feel what's there. Be in the moment, not lost in worrysome thought. Peace is Every Step and Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior are good books along this line. They're based in mindfulness or meditation, which is probably not really what you think it means. For your own sake, reserve judgment and give it a shot.

Warning: You will not like this. Read it and deal with it, or just skip over this section if it will honestly kill you dead in your chair.
I'm sorry to say this, because no ego likes hearing it (even my own), but NO ONE in life really cares about anyone else's story. Especially if it's used as a justification for whey they "are they way they are".

You need to know that your story, your past, your history does not define who you are as a human being today. Not to say that it hasn't had influence over your mind, but you are not your past. You are not your future. You are who you are right now. And you have every option currently at your disposal to use to your advantage. Nothing more, nothing less.

Get over your past. Stop worrying about your future. Live. Right. Now.

Maybe this won't resonate the right way... Maybe you're not ready yet. I'm just trying to reach out because some of the behaviors you exhibit are very familiar to me, embarrassing as it is to say. Goes to show you that people can and do change.

I hope you read some of what was recommended, by myself and others... and if some of it comes off as too new age / spacey / spiritual, give some Tony Robbins audio books a try.

[/quote]

_________________
Live Your Truth.

I see this thread has come to a head. Whichever one of those you think I am doesn't mean anything... to me or to you. Hope you can come out of this with something positive and become a better person -- whatever that means to you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to sleep at 12:30 on a Friday night after spending an hour or more online. Please, judge me. It doesn't matter.

Oh, and have a nice life, seriously.

_________________
Live Your Truth.

Once again I'm insulted...
Yes. If you don't count the 6 or 7 previous posts jam packed with specific information to help you with your situation. But because they weren't the answers you were looking for specifically.. about changing your hair, your shoes... what have you, they all of a sudden don't exist. Insulted.

How can you expect people to like you when you treat them the way you do. It doesn't matter what I say, or what anyone else says. You will just ignore what we say, and ask the same question until someone gives you the advice you WANT. that's not bettering yourself.

If you can't see that.. (which you will ignore this part in your long winded reply) than people will continue to not like you..

And quite frankly.. they are correct to not like you.

STILL your responses are defensive and asshole worthy. Any SANE human after reading REPEATEDLY what everyone has said, would at least make a solid effort to not act that way even in the thread again. But once we gave you this revelation, YOU ACTUALLY BECAME MORE OF AN ASSHOLE. and literally proved EVERYONE'S point MORE CLEARLY. (you will also ignore this point)

It's INSANE to me that you haven't gotten this through your head. It's an experiment for me too. Do you know why? Because I can write these responses.. And Prove you wrong time and time again. And then I know EXACTLY to the WORD how you will respond. I've called it for the last 3 times... Money bets you make it 4.


You are the farthest thing from ALPHA possible.. So get that out of your head. You are not a natural, you are not a people person, and my 12 year old niece is more ALPHA than you are.

--------

And why when I post on this site does it post 4 times???

------------

Who is you??

Suddenly you drop from the sky out of nowhere to tell me to reread my thread??

You guys justify yourselves (especially the bullies who have contributed NOTHING) by saying that I've got all kinds of help here.

I HAVE read back through it.

There was the following actual RELEVANT ADVICE to point me in the right direction:

1) Changing my appearance in certain ways.

2) Finding a better balance and becoming a more effective alpha male (with a link)

3) Fin's help.

The entire rest of the thread is a bunch of KJ's who have nothing better to do than to try to score some "site rep points" by dropping into a thread on someone legitimately trying to improve his life and offering nothing. Dancing monkeys is all you guys are. Sadly your not even COOL dancing monkeys nor are you that funny. If I hadn't been so focused on trying to get some answers I could have made you all look the equivalent of SCREECH from saved by the bell.

Some of you look to justify now that I have gotten all kinds of "help" as a way to just backwards rationalize your immature monkey behavior. Sure I am the one who made the post -- but your the ones who made the post a sickening biography on everything that's wrong with people. You call me fucked up?? I'm no more fucked up than you and after this thread I say I'm LESS fucked up than you.

This thread has helped me to realize that there are no real answers. You can't please all of the people all of the time and I need to just trust myself more, stay strong, and not eat the shit that people try to feed me.

In real life I don't vent my feelings like this. No. I keep it inside and just try to show people why they should be cool towards me with actions most of the time. I'm sure though that non-verbally some people can pick up on the fact that I have a problem with certain stuff that I'm not coming out and saying and I'm sure this doesn't help things.