Annnnnnnnnnnnd.... We were all proven right.

Come on man.. are you for real?


It is if you were to ask "How do I walk through that doorway?"

To which we would reply "You use your legs, and follow a left right left right pattern, and walk right through the frame of the door."

and you say "No no no.. That doesn't work for me. Are you even reading my posts?"

Well the answer then becomes.. "Okay. You don't want to take the proper steps to walk through the doorway, thats fine, but you will remain on the side you started on, and will be unable to achieve the task of walking through the door. those are your two options, take the advice and walk through the door, or don't, and stay where you are and not advance."
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The point is. The only way to get people to stop disliking you, is to stop pissing them off. that's the ONLY answer to your question.

You say, you do nothing to piss them off... but I can PROMISE you... You do. i can see it in the posts, and I'd put a LOT of money on it.

Almost every poster has given you some sort of advice to achieve this, but thats what it boils down to.

If you do not wish to take that advice into action, thats fine, but realize that your situation will not change. and people will continue to treat you, and effect you the way they do now. You asked the right question, and got a the correct answer, but you don't want to accept that reality at this point.

You are looking for a different answer, an easier fix to get along with people...

Unfortunately, just like walking through a doorway, there is only ONE way to do it.... STOP MAKING THEM DISLIKE YOU.. You know the answer, but I can promise you, you will reply with a long drawn out statement telling us that, "We don't understand what you're saying, and that this advice doesn't work."

That is once again fine. But your situation will not change.

I reread Kasabi's posts.. they make perfect sense, and reflect the same thing that almost every poster is telling you. You may even truly believe you don't understand it, but you simply do not want to accept what needs to change..

I'm awaiting your drawn out complaints of our inability to give you advice.

Keep digging the holes and proving us right.

I asked myself this same question. This feels like a TROLL.

If you want something you can say or do to make the people who dislike you like you, I think you should look elsewhere, cause nobody here can give you that. Instead you need to perhaps change what you're currently doing. I think this is the problem. You say you reach a level where you can't handle things anymore. I don't have a 'threshold' that is reached after a certain time. When I find people annoying, I smile, ignore them, walk away or point out their stupidity in some funny way~.
You don't have to be affected by someone else's words. You say you are defensive, but what do you need to defend? Your sense of self-worth (or whatever you're defending) doesn't have to depend on what other people (especially people you yourself say don't even know you) say about you. There is nothing for you to defend.
I think you should consider doing the positivity challenge (first link on Google, I can't post links..) and 'cut the negativity threads quickly' especially when you're in the conversations with people who put you in defense-mode.

Hey guys I'm about 5'10 with shoes, and have a football player frame with broad shoulders. I do hit the gym but not enough to be in stellar shape. Just enough to not be fat and to have some reasonable sized arms on me. I weigh about 190 so I could stand to lose maybe 20 pounds of fat and gain 10 pounds of muscle.

Keep the advice coming. I need to rewrite this a different way because people are misunderstanding. I do agree I sometimes have an air of superiority, sometimes can look at things negatively, and sometimes can seem like I'm pissed off -- but this is usually in very high pressure situations like work -- which is a big majority of where I am having the problems right now.

Ive been thinking about it and I use to be very admired by most people who got to know me, I still tend to be but sometimes the trust is not there and some people are skeptical because I'm caught between being the alpha male that I am inside and being the pua with witty comebacks who puts people in their place. Since I'm not 100 percent congruent with one identity or the other it probably drives some people batty and as a result I get shit tested constantly because no one really knows wtf I am.

Some people just don't seem to like me from the get-go no matter what though -- and really that's more of what I was talking about.

It sounds like I have a lot of thinking to do. Even if I took all the feedback here to heart I wouldn't quite be sure which direction to go or what plan of action to implement in order to evolve.

I do appreciate the fact that people are still trying to help me though, despite my overcomplicated and poor communication of my problem. Despite the fact that a lot of this thread IS INDEED my poor communication though, I'd like to ask you guys of how many of you have ever gone onto a forum and poured out your deepest insecurities out there into a sea of people you don't even know to pick apart??

Please remember that before you respond to me from now on, because obviously I am going to be a little bit sensitive about it. You would be too. Just try to think about how it would feel to make a post like this and then have people responding the way some of you do.

You just answered the only issue you had by yourself.
I said you'd say that.


If i was acting the way you were, I would want someone to set me straight. No one is saying this stuff to BE MEAN TO YOU, you just need to fix what your doing wrong to be successful. yeah, it would probably irritate me, but i could promise you i would take it to heart as much as i could, and not negate, and insult the people trying to help.

As you so eloquently stated in your username.. Pimpin' ain't easy.

Hey man.

If I could figure it out on my own I would have done so. Even good friends have a hard time with figuring out why some people are rubbed the wrong way. It could be some non-verbals i need to improve, it could be some miscalibration, it could be that i'm too dick, it could be that I'm too soft.

Right now I have no idea at all what your talking about. Seriously.

I'm curious though. If you have something to say then say it. The advice is all over the map so if you could clarify that would be great. Thanks.

Again, this reply is directed to others who are following this thread. Without some mindfulness, clarity, acceptance, and courage, (and he's demonstrated that he has none of these qualities) the OP will die thinking that the World around him is crazy.

At first, I wasn't too sure if the unusual perception of the OP's own life and those around him was due to an adult male figure in his life abandoning him or due to an adult male figure giving him the wrong kind of attention.

Usually, the type of attitudes that you see often on this forum relates to early age abandonment. There's nobody around to support the kid so he grows up cheering for himself. - "I am a PUA! I am special! I am somebody! I can do it! I am such high value!" - Usually, this is about as harmless as "abandonment" itself. At most, these kids grow up not being able to value the qualities of those around him due to the selfish focus on himself. And at most, this irritates those around him and limits his progression. In essence, these kids "abandon" those around him and they are more than happy to return the neglect and thoughtlessness back to him. It's a life of cyclical loneliness and not too conducive for finding healthy partnerships of any kind.

What the OP presents here is a different case all together. He's on a continuous mission to justify his actions regardless of whether what he did was right or wrong. And when he runs out of justifications, he simply relies on ignorance . . . "I don't know."

What happens when a mother fucking cock sucker of a guy continuously abuses a child is he forces the child to create a personal formula for a way out. Reality doesn't matter. Right or wrong doesn't matter. The only thing that matters while a fist is hailing down on your face is that the fist needs to stop. You ever see anybody get wailed on? How do they plead? "No! I didn't do that! I didn't do this! I am not that! I am that! I am this! I'll do it better! OK, OK . . . I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID . . .JUST STOP!"

The first thing to do if you're ever getting wailed on is to 1. Make it stop. Say or do anything possible to make it stop. 2. Then plan a course of action that makes the abuse impossible in the future. 3. Then after insulating yourself from the abuse, come to a realization that it's OVER. Much easier said than done.

This isn't to say that this is what happened to the OP but a form of abuse is still going on RIGHT NOW. Others around the OP are being verbally and socially abused and all they are doing is simply what they can do to MAKE IT STOP.

You gotta love the guys on the forum who plead, "You don't know me! Those girls don't know me! If they had a chance to know me, they'd all like me!" - No, no, no . . . they don't want to get to know you better because the little they know of you is enough to let them know that you're an ASSHOLE. They continue to dislike you because you continue to be an ASSHOLE. All it takes is a moment of acceptance and a change in direction. This moment is something that too many refuse to gift themselves.

You could give me some direction as to what to focus on to improve but instead you continue to judge me and project things onto me. Isn't this the same behavior you say that I DO that rubs people the wrong way?

Further how is it that in highschool I was among the most popular kids, and that I spent the majority of college and 5 years after-wards with girlfriends if I am so hard to get along with??

I write a post about roomates stealing my beers and me just ignoring it and buying more and hiding it and staying cool about that. I talk about how people will treat me in a manner that is offensive to me and I just pretend not to notice.

I'm willing to own up to MY part of where I could be doing something wrong but you offer no solutions. All I hear is you judging and labling and projecting stuff onto me that I never even said. I've shown open mindedness to advice very clearly but I don't feel I'm getting any advice. It's just KJ bullshit.

I don't feel like anyone is interested in actually helping me, just interested in their own KJ ego's on here trying to be the guy who knows everything -- air of superiority?? You sure that's me?!? This guy above me seems to be the one right now projecting an air of superiority.

This is going nowhere.

That pretty much sums up what is going on here.

No one JUDGED you, until you literally made it impossible to continue the thread without critique.

The advice that didn't sit well with you, you negated and got pissy, and attacked the poster trying to give you advice (which was really good advice)

And the advice about changing your hair, or shoes, or anything you embraced..

Let me assure you. That was not the problem.
Do you SERIOUSLY think that what these posts have been? Wow man, that is ultra delusional.

I'm trying to believe that if we keep telling you the same thing over and over again, and multiple people keep adding in the same comments, maybe you will get it.

But so far, you keep saying that we haven't given you any advice, which quite frankly is Incredibly Insulting.

In summary,

You asked for advice

about 17 people told you the exact same thing, and told you how to fix it.

You just say... "Guy's why is no one GIVING ME HELP?!" "You guys are just critiquing and judging me!"

Let me explain something to you. It's a 30 to one argument. And You are the ONE.. Do you really think you are the ONLY intelligent one, against 30 stupid people? Thats what it comes off as. And for that I'd assume is what occurs with you're peers. No WONDER they think you're an asshole..

The advice.

Take EVERYTHING you've said here, which is bullshit, needy, stupid, and annoying.

And do the exact opposite.

You're shit flew in HS, because it's okay to be immature in HS, and even college. but you're acting like a 14 year old girl. Get over yourself, stop saying people are just judging you, because you fucking deserve it. and implement what all of us have said. And if you can't find any How To's in these posts... Than you really are hopeless.

Pimpin; Kasabi doesn't mince his words.

But if you can get over yourself you'lll find he is wanting to mkae you do something VERY important.

He wants you to admitt that you fucked up, that maybe you are not as nice as you say you are, maybe you aren't as funny as you'd like to believe.

Fact is there is something wrong with you in order to have so many people stacked against you.

Kasabi wants you to admitt that.

He wants you to "Identify and Admitt your problem."

That's what needs to be done, there is something in you that is making people dis-like you, and you need to figure out what that is so you can fix it.

I avoided this thread when I saw the title. Anything that starts out like that, my instinct is to ignore. I finally clicked on this when I saw it was 3 pages long, thinking "well somebody else obviously thinks this is important." So here I stand, perhaps too late.

Bone Thugs came out with a song called: "Let it all go." Start over if it's not to late. LET IT GO. Read looking for advice, look past what might seem at first glance to be someone talking down to the OP.

Momma used to say, "The man who offends will bring his own end."

Not my mother but one wiser than mine.

I thought at sometime the OP said he was regarded as being a "defensive dick."

We'll I can tell the OP being quite the asshole myself, that there is a difference between: /funny/asshole/EVERYONE KNOWS HE ISN'T SERIOUS and serious/bitter/doesn't realize or admit that HE is hurting others and in turn himself.

It's time to relax and look for help, not a fight.

Read the above post again man. Take it all in. Step out of your own shoes and look at it like someone who can't even post on here.

(Below is NOT a telegram, it's a suggestion hah.)
Stop. Read a post. Stop. Read it again. Stop. Take a deep breath. Stop. Read the post again. Look for something positive, something that you can APPLY. Something that might click and say, wait, maybe this guy was right? Stop. Think about what was said.
Self-pity: the reason I was hesitant to click on this thread. What everyone else has said is correct, I thought more than 10 times reading other posts: "Alright, that was the one he's gonna realize it, he can't ignore that!." Yet time and time again you still take it as if it were a personal attack on you.. You are being OVERLY DEFENSIVE. The first piece of relevant advice was telling you to not let what others say get to you. Instead, you ignored that and allowed the OTHER STUFF THAT WAS SAID GET TO YOU. You then posted a response to a post with more than 5+ HELPFUL THREADS AFTER. Which tells me that you read the post, got all bent out of shape and then: FIRED OFF A RESPONSE TO DEFEND YOURSELF. If what the other guys said has gotten to you, maybe it wasn't strong enough. Either: 1) you do not want advice and you want to continue this abusive (both to yourself and others) behavior or 2) you are in serious denial. You are thinking that everyone is out to GET YOU. When actually your attitude is the only thing preventing you from ADDRESSING THE PROBLEM
The problem is, once again, that you think everyone is jumping on YOU. When the fact is, people that don't know you, are trying to HELP YOU. People that HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH YOU.

There are certain people who just don't like me and that feel I come off the wrong way. Yes I have admitted that and Yes that is the reason I posted this. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't have posted it.

What ISN'T clear exactly is what it is and how I can go about fixing it. There were TWO posts that I found to be potentially helpful that offered constructive feedback and actually pointed me in a direction to go about with solving it. Unfortunately I rushed to judgement and flamed the ONLY guy who actually gave me some direction and provided that link -- which I have been reading.

The other advice that could be helpful is to just stop caring what others think -- which is in part probably one of the reasons that I can be TOO nice and let people walk on my boundaries and ALSO the reason why I can come off the wrong way and be too much of a DICK ... because I simply CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
I admitted it when I posted the origional post and I have admitted and shown an open mind towards other things like sometimes coming off as superior, sometimes being defensive and other things.
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My problem is that clearly I come off the wrong way towards some people.

I admitt this.

If I am to assume that the advice is that this is because I am an asshole or feel I'm superior or am disconnected from people or defensive then fine. I still don't understand how that ties into people feeling they can take advantage of my boundaries but that's another topic I guess.

What I never got was any direction on how to go about FIXING these things without becoming a total wussbag to be thrown around in everyone elses reality like a pinball machine (which I have said repeatably is what happens if I just am un-reactive, helpful, positive no matter what, and nice to people).

If I walk through life afraid to offend anyone and putting everyone else first and jumping through everyone's hoops and accepting everyone's negative judgements then where does that leave me?????????

It just feels that that would go against a lot of what is taught in the pickup community.

So I don't understand how to fix this in a way that is win-win for everyone. That's the problem.



I agree with this. That's why I typed the thread in the first place.

There are certain people who just don't like me and that feel I come off the wrong way. Yes I have admitted that and Yes that is the reason I posted this. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't have posted it.

What ISN'T clear exactly is what it is and how I can go about fixing it. There were TWO posts that I found to be potentially helpful that offered constructive feedback and actually pointed me in a direction to go about with solving it. Unfortunately I rushed to judgement and flamed the ONLY guy who actually gave me some direction and provided that link -- which I have been reading.

The other advice that could be helpful is to just stop caring what others think -- which is in part probably one of the reasons that I can be TOO nice and let people walk on my boundaries and ALSO the reason why I can come off the wrong way and be too much of a DICK ... because I simply CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
I admitted it when I posted the origional post and I have admitted and shown an open mind towards other things like sometimes coming off as superior, sometimes being defensive and other things. Anyone who reads the thread can clearly see that I am NOT deflecting anything. The only thing I ever DEFLECTED was that I needed to learn how to be an alpha male because I don't feel like that can be learned and I already feel like most of my life I have had many elements of an alpha male.

\

My problem is that clearly I come off the wrong way towards some people. If I am to assume that the advice is that this is because I am an asshole or feel I'm superior or am disconnected from people or defensive or whatever other things you guys are throwing out there then fine. I still don't understand how that ties into people feeling they can take advantage of my boundaries but that's another topic I guess.

Yes I have plenty of feedback in order to identify some potential causes of this for sure. What I never got was any direction on how to go about FIXING these things without becoming a total wussbag to be thrown around in everyone elses reality like an insignificant person. If I walk through life afraid to offend anyone and putting everyone else first where does that leave me?? It just feels that it goes against a lot of what is taught in the pickup community.

So I don't understand how to fix this in a way that is win-win for everyone. That's the problem.

I agree with this. That's why I typed the thread in the first place.