If your hair is thinning and you are short, try making yourself look TOUGHER.

Get a tan, shave your head and grow a goatee.

_________________
Evil will always triumph over good, because good is dumb.

Well clearly you didn't take the time to read my long reply to you. Your telling me to come up with a plan to change and I'm telling you that i have came up with plans and why they don't work. I was hoping you could comment on this and give me a little feedback to what I may be doing wrong. I guess not.

Everyone else I haven't yet got a chance to read your replies yet but I will, and I really hope someone has some useful advice for me. I've been TRYING to come up with a solid plan for a while now and since nothing seems to work I'm left wondering wtf I can do about this.

EDIT ADD ON:

Ok so I read the rest of the advice and mostly it seems that guys are telling me not to give a fuck and to be the asshole that I am. Thing is that like I said I'm not really that big of an asshole, it's just that apparently I can come off that way while also simultaneously coming off "too nice".

I talked to a good friend of mine about this the other day and he told me to just chill out more and try to get to know people more, be more curious about them, get to know them better and get them talking and vibe off of it. He feels if I try to develop more personal relationships with people and also am more chill about stuff that it will solve some things.

My only problem with being more "chill" is that there are a lot of people who do shit that bothers me and when I'm trying to be chill eventually it builds up inside of me and I end up not being able to hold it in anymore and that's when I start to get defensive and dick head because i just get tired of the blatent bullshit.

So then at that point I wonder to myself -- well -- maybe I AM an asshole. If I find myself irritated by peoples bullshit then maybe I just need to not put up with shit and put people in their in their place and draw clear lines in the sand.

The reason that I can never fully embrace the asshole within me though is simply that I can't back it up. I'm a pretty reasonable and compassionate person. The issue is that I am also an alpha male. I'm a compassionate alpha male with the ability to put myself in other peoples shoes, but when people start treating me beta and pushing boundries and projecting shit onto me it irritates the fuck out of me.

Fact is I could never truely be a complete asshole because I DO care about peoples feelings and I do tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and appreciate the cool things about people. It's just that I don't like being disrespected. I could try to own the whole asshole bad ass shit and I HAVE tried to own it but ultimately I can never fully back that up in the moment. I'm just too reasonable. I'm not self absorbed and selfish enough -- and when I'm irritated by shit people do I'm not always able to communicate it in a way that calls the spade a spade and is funny.

Most assholes that are effective assholes are effective because they always seem to be able to call people on their shit in a way that clearly communicates what a jerkoff they are being in a way that is so funny that they can suck that person right into their frame. I just don't seem to be able to do that a lot of the time.

I'm the kind of person who will react a certain way and both of us end up walking away from it misunderstanding eachother or the other persons frame is just better articulated and I'm forced to just be like "whatever". Then after it's done and over with I finally will think of how I "SHOULD" have dealt with it but by then it's too late and as you guys know situations don't always repeat themselves so if you don't own the situation in the moment then you've lost your chance.

So if I'm going to "own" the asshole within me it would have to be for self defense against bullies and people with agenda's who are trying to cut me down and I would need references from people as to where I can learn to better apply this skill.

It seems you have two options, become an ´effective asshole´ or learn to deal with other people's ´shit that bothers you´ without getting defensive. It looks like the latter is what everyone around you is doing.

OP, I think you have a very skewed opinion of what it is to be 'alpha', and those on here telling you to be alpha are just further messing you up. The entire 'game' theory leads natural betas to believe that being an alpha has you intimidating people, busting on people, tearing them down, etc. when this is not the case. There are too many 'former' nerds and keyboard jockeys out there who shared this skewed view.

What defines being an alpha is being the leader of a group, with the consent of the group, NOT out of fear or intimidation or those sort of tactics. But what you have to understand is that by having the group's consent, you are bound into a social contract where you look out for the group, are trustworthy to the group and provide certain resources for the group. Yes, you generally get to make the decisions and look like a shot caller, but these decisions are in the best interests of the collective and once you lose this trust its hard to get it back.

OP, when you claim to be 'alpha', you seem to be very confrontational, have a quick temper and pout if you don't get your way. This is not an alpha at all. Alphas are able to effectively communicate with others, deescalate problematic situations, solve problems and do so in a CALM manner. Yes, they are willing to get riled up and defend what is theirs if an outsider tries to stake claim, but this is gererally the LAST tactic to be used after other options have been exhausted.

Read this article on being an alpha, it may open your eyes...

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/al ... #heirarchy

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/al ... #heirarchy

next?

I am a natural alpha male. If I wasn't then I wouldn't have such a problem with being a total asshole and you would not have this thread. So your logic is illogical.

Thanks for trying to help but I'm not as dumb as you think I am man.

This is a PERFECT example of the shit that pisses me off actually. I hold it in and stay chill in person but sometimes i think about it in my head and feel "why should I have to put up with this jerkoff?" and eventually I find myself tooling the person.

For example with this poster. He clearly doesn't read my shit (which I dont blame him cause it's long) and then he rushes to judgement without asking any questions, assumes I'm beta, assumes I'm a former "nerd", and then refers me to basic 101 information.

Why should I have to put up with that kind of shit??

What pisses me off is peoples ignorance on how they come off socially more than anything else and it's hard for me to see past the anger in order to communicate with them in a way that is effective so I just hold it inside and do the right thing until I can't take it anymore and then I lash out at them with venom or start amogging them or teasing them and they think to themselves:

"whoa man -- what the hell?"

Meanwhile that same person who is annoying as fuck will go up to the natural asshole who is funny and do the same thing to HIM in a post and then that asshole will put him RIGHT IN HIS PLACE WHERE HE BELONGS without coming off reactive or angry or defensive or whatever.

I could tell all kinds of stories about how I deal with fucked up shit or explain all the situations in life where i have been the alpha male but that's time wasted for me on a topic that has nothing to do with anything just because some dude with 10 posts on here thinks he is a know it all guru who assumes and projects all kinds of bullshit towards me.

The fact I feel this way when the guy probably is just trying to help is the part of me that is definately an authentic asshole but if i am going to come into full alignment with that I am going to have to learn how to deal with this kind of stuff in a better way so I don't always have to hold it inside or do the right thing (which often just invites the problem person to continue their problematic behavior towards me). If anyone has any recommended reading let me know.

You should consider writing ^^ this down in BOLD on a post it and sticking it on your forehead 24/7 . . you know, just in case ALL THE IDIOTS of the World forget that you're a natural alpha. Then after they see you acting like a clown-ass monkey(just as you have written on this thread, over, over, over again) but prior to laughing their asses off, they'll read the post it and go, "Holy shit! No!! We're the assholes not him! Just look at the post it! He's the natural alpha male!" - Lesson learned.

Good job weirdo-crazy-ass-lunatic, thinks he's an alpha pua-but everybody hates him guy.

You're obviously helpless. I just hope that others in this forum can see a bit of "you" in themselves and make corrections before they cross over to total la-la land.

A summary of my conversation with Kasabi:

Me: Hey guys it feels like all my life there have been certain people who just don't like me and I don't know why but I'm hoping maybe you guys can help me figure it out so i can be a better person.

Kasabi: Your an asshole.

Me: No really I'm not an asshole -- where did you get that from my post?

Kasabi: Re-read what i said -- your an asshole.

Me: Umm ok? So can anyone else help me out?

Others: Just be an asshole.

Me: Hmm how can I do that?

Others: Well I think your probably a beta being an asshole

ME: Umm geez uh well I'm actually more of an alpha and I'm not really an asshole IS ANYONE READING MY POSTS?

Kasabi: Your not just an asshole. Your a crazy asshole beta. Haha your telling me your alpha that's so gay. Why would you say that?

ME: Umm I'm trying to explain who I am since no one knows me so maybe I could get some accurate feedback?

Kasabi: Nope your just an asshole bragging that your beta and no one likes you. NOW GET OUT OF MY TERRITORY!! I am the ruler here!!

Haha. Your the leader of this forum and THAT is what you say??

It doesn't feel like you have read or understood my posts. I never said anything about everyone hating me. Your taking things waaay out of context and now your verbally attacking me man.

Not sure what your problem is but clearly your not the high status guy I thought you were or I would not have tried to get your opinion on this.

To the rest of you that understand the situation -- thanks for trying to help. I think many people can relate with the fact that some people just don't seem to like them and that some people do things towards them that rubs them the wrong way and they want to know how to better deal with it, or discover if there may be something they are doing.

As I said -- I don't react the way I just reacted in that last post in real life and I'm aware that I over-reacted but I did so to try to illustrate a point that was obviously missed entirely with this guys dorky attempt to amog me. Man I at least expected something more witty than that dude.

And as for the poster who put up that link ... I actually checked out the link and it's not as bad as I thought. It has some good articles about assertive vs aggressive behavior and things of that manner. Maybe it might be able to benefit me in some ways to see where I can perhaps tweak with a few things.

Basically this comes down to the fact that I'm in a new place and while I've met many new people and have new friends (30) I have some personal issues with a few people at work (a couple in power positions) who definately are NOT alpha and their behavior is beta and low status. My roomates are great and we hang out and do stuff, but there's some disrespectful things they do (like drink my beer without asking). Sometimes I feel I invite low status behavior towards me and I need to learn how to be more assertive without always giving them the benefit of the doubt and start putting myself first more without over-reacting when I finally get fed up.

To those who genuinely tried to help me out. Thanks!

P.S

By the way I hate the terms beta and alpha. I think it's stupid over-analytical crap to be honest. I just know i've been a natural leader most of my life but sometimes I feel like I put up with more crap than I should from people.

For example this guy above me here who just posted. If he wasn't so off the wall and totally out of line, mis-calibrated, and flat out WRONG in his assumptions I might want a better way to handle him. Instead I just feel no reaction really because I find him to be so out of line that I don't even take him seriously -- but of course this just invites him to tool on me again in the future and to continue to try to push my buttons in different ways until he can get a reaction out of me to fuel his massive online ego.

At the risk of making you explode,

I'm going to say that none of us have met you, and through your elaborately written, extremely defensive, overanalyzed posts in the course of a few days, you have pissed a lot of the people in this thread off... You say you are not an asshole, you are alpha.. whatever.

but lets take a look

if this is collectively a random sample of the population, the emotions you've evoked in the posters of this thread say it ALL... You can verbally, or in this case textually contest this, but read the posts again.. Not for content, but for tone. you clearly pushed the buttons of everyone that decided to post.

I think i've figured it out. You are a button pusher..

essentially this means you are OVERLY defensive about everything. and more than that, you went a step farther, and attempted to comedically satire, and neutralize the advice given to you. If these are the kind of things you do with the people you surround yourself with, than i cant see how anyone would NOT think you are an asshole.. And not the fun kind of asshole i might add.

and as a final thought, an ALPHA male would never question his peers respect, admiration or attitude towards himself.

You are saying one thing (I'm not an asshole blah blah blah) but EVERY SINGLE POST, you are again and again proving us right, and digging a bigger hole.

So when you respond by saying: "NO guys, seriously you aren't reading my posts, you're just making generalizations, I'm not an asshole, help me, you're not listening, your logic is illogical, kasabi sucks.. and he's a leader? no that advice doesn't work... blah blah blah" just remember, you are probably going to come off as exactly what we are talking about.

Kasabi says you're hopeless. Prove him wrong.

I'm not going to explode at you because I very rarely explode and because your actually trying to help. I can SEE that your intentions are pure. When I CAN'T see pure intentions and instead see ignorance or vindetta type behavior as an alpha male I feel the need to put that person in check.

Now what I've been TRYING TO SAY is this (i will use alpha language even though I think it's silly):

I go into situations and lead by example and be cool and nice to people but some people are still a problem for me (haters), or look to take advantage of my good attitude and I don't know how to handle that in an ALPHA way because with some of these people I don't know them that well yet and often they don't know ME that well either.

In real life I don't talk about myself in this way, tell my secrets, or put myself in huge vulnerable positions. As I have been saying OVER AND OVER again, in real life I do the right things as much as possible. If someone pisses me off then I ignore them and am un-reactive for a while but once they pass a certain "thresh-hold" i start to treat them as hostile and begin doing whatever I can do to make them look bad. I also feel resentful and defensive when they bring further shit my way.

Your right I don't know any of you and i chose to put myself out there with some stuff that is embarrassing to me (some people just don't like me) and pour my heart out and I was greeted with a lot of bullshit on this forum. Not cool. A beta male would put up with that and just be embarrassed and disapear. Not me. I will probably marinate on this and think of a better way to ask the question because clearly dudes just arn't getting it and are resorting to just projecting random shit.

For now I will just say that I meet a lot of new people and I travel and I need a better way to deal with difficult people who are skeptical of me when befriending them or leading by example doesn't work. Yes I guess you saw a very extreme and uncalibrated version of it on this forum, but in real life it would be more like:

"haha your a funny guy -- Im impressed" (sarcastic and with a smile)

or

ME: "Are you done yet?"
Person: Yup
Me: "K good" (unreactive and walking away)

It's true that yes sometimes I act defensively and insecurely but that's because all my life I have tried to give people the benefit of the doubt and be a good person and do the right things and avoid conflicts and come from a higher place and yet despite this i still run into ignorance and difficult people who seem out to get me for no reason.

It's a big reason why I joined this online movement, to learn how to better deal with these people and put them in their place. To deter bully like verbal behavior and learn how to better communicate my boundaries but unfortunately some of the banter and cocky funny and other tips that I learned don't seem to help situations over the long run.

Funny I was thinking the exact same thing.

What kind of shape are you in physically? I've a hunch that you could be quite skinny? Being short, skinny, physically unintimidating will definitely change how people perceive you.

Have you considered hitting the gym and getting yourself in really great shape? It could be an interesting project for you for the next year or so and I agree with the previous poster that it could make a big difference.

Actually another thing that could make a difference is height enhancing shoes.

Check this link out:

www.tallmenshoes.com

The reason people don't like you is that you have an air of superiority and you're a source of negative energy. I don't get any sense of inner peace reading your posts and your reactions to what others are saying. There's this real vibe of frustration and poorly controlled anger I get just from reading your stuff, I can't imagine how this must be meeting you in person but I'm guessing it's pretty obvious there too.

You are overly critical and analytical. You say stuff like "giving people the benefit of the doubt" and "coming from a higher place" which gives off the impression you think you are better than everybody else.

Frankly a lot of people have given you good advice but you have chosen to take this negatively.

Learn to take the good with the bad and become calm. You are certainly not alpha despite how much you insist that you are. To even be worried about it conveys that you're not.

Definitely you are not true to yourself if you are talking about going into situations trying to act a certain way or take a particular attitude with people. Be honest with yourself and others will be more comfortable with you.