(I think it is).

I went out today to the city. No reason at all. I didn't even go to meet girls, or drink beer, or do anything. I just went, and I walked, and I tested myself to do one thing (And I succeeded).

I lived "Now".

As I walked, I was only aware that I was walking. When I turned and saw Chevy's on 42nd, I was looking. When I bought two shirts at American Eagle manhattan, I had two great shirts.

Most would be joyous that they would live "now", without any distraction.

But, during that period of "Now", I experienced triggered emotions. I remembered being made fun of when I was younger. I remember having a girl I liked in 8th grade give a blowjob to the class bully, and tell me to do her homework. I remembered not going to any prom, or winning any wrestling matches, or even getting a "hello" from others.

It hit me when I was walking, and living, and all I wanted to tell myself was "That was irrelevant, and right now, you're good".

But I wasn't feeling good then. When I arrived, I was good. It lasted until I saw hot girls with normal looking guys. I didn't envy the guys; I felt good for them.

It was me. I felt like an asshole. I felt as if I screwed up my life, and my ADD caused me to burn all my relationships growing up. It wasn't pretty. I actually feel like crying now.

I never felt this low in my whole life. I was surrounded by people, probably just as miserable as I was...and yet I knew no one. I felt as if I have no friends anymore, and that I'm just a court jester in the presence of an unseen royalty, born with all, and never had to work for nothing. I feel I can do more, but I don't know what to do.

I've gotten advice from all over on how the world works, and how I can work it. I know OF, but I know nothing on DOING. I feel like a person who has perfect aim with a bow and arrow, but no arms to shoot with. It sucks, and I feel horrible.

I want to give. I want to generate value. But, I feel, as I am right now, I can't do shit. I feel powerless, that all the popular kids I grew up with are going to get it all for nothing, and I, one who's worked for all he knows and has, is going to get FUCKED six feet under.

NOW, I'm not feeling good. In time, It may go away, but I'm tired man. I want to be the big guy. I wanna win...

I once heard that, when one knows it all, but can't seem to do anything with what he knows, it could mean that the person is scared of success.

I think I'm scared to win. Here's why:

1)The dog "friend" who screwed me over. He didn't give a fuck, and he succeeded. I care, and I got burned. To me, succeeding isn't a matter of right or wrong, it just is. I feel, in order to succeed, I need to change who I am, and become more "ruthless". I don't want to, I want to be the kind person who can get shit done, but it seems that's a paradox.

2)I know the power of 100% positive attitude. I know that, if nothing held me back, I would have the power to make girls cheat on their boyfriends like nothing. I would have the power to sway communities, and attain riches. That power, to me, comes at another person's expense. I don't want to hurt or step over anybody, but it seems that, if I want the big life, I kinda have to.

3)I know what I'm capable of. I have a high IQ, and, as of recently, a very high EQ as well, developed through practice. I am confident enough to go in and get what I want, but I feel that, once I cross the line...let's put it this way. Donald Trump has a saying about the highest achievers of the world, and, quote: "Everyone wants to kill the top dog". This scares me. Really scares me. If I ascend, I am more likely to die and be killed by those who will...be below me.


OH GOD I FOUND MY PROBLEM.
I'm scared of success.

I know I may not get the answer I want to hear, and that the possible "real" answer may hurt me further, but I am ready. I am ready to hear the truth, and I am ready to accept it.

Does someone know what I'm talking about?

Not to bump, but I really need help on this subject. Please, anyone...

I have spent my life becoming brilliant and capable, but I chose not to use my knowledge and abilities to my advantage. I know that i can manipulate my social surroundings, but i don't. there is something I am deathly afraid of in this PUA game. I'm sick of the self-sabotage. I am afraid to succeed, but I also refuse to stay the way I am. so... Sorry I don't have the answers, but I do understand.

i completely empathize with you , i feel like i'm smart, funny and women tell me i'm good looking all the time, i get compliments on how pretty my smile is all the time. only to be outdone by i couple good looking guys and a hell of a lot of average fucks. I feel like i have a gun but i cant kill shit with it , and when i look around i see motha fuckers throwing rocks and hitting more targets than me. Honestly fuck everybody lets just stay confident its much better than being uncofident

_________________
FBGM

Maybe you are scared to succeed because you aren't sure what that might bring. Everything else in life feels "safe" to you because you know the results. The fact that something may happen out of your "zone of control" is a valid thing to be scared of.

But i always fear things "being the same" it drives people nuts you know.. If no one took a risk even in the smallest unit of measure where would anyone be? Sometimes you just have to take a dive and let the dice fall where they may.

It is like those people who try for a few months and fail then decide it is too "tough" for them. But they are only retreating back to the life they were unsatisfied to begin with so where does that leave you?

I have a friend that is quite smart maybe not the best looking guy out there but he has a few things going for him that a woman may see. He won't try unless me and a few others guy hand deliver a girl to him though. He is too scared to try anything on his own. You can't be afraid of failure, it is something that will test your determination to your goals. If you fail with 99/100 women HEY you are almost to that 1 out of 100! You have nothing to lose by aiming to succeed because if you fail you will be right where you left off, but if you try and actually get somewhere then isn't that something?

Wow I know exactly what you mean man, crazy.

_________________

So I sat down in the shower and had a long talk with myself about why I might be afraid to succeed at this. here's what I came up with.

There's a point of no return that will come with this success. If I can walk into a club and start making out with a girl that i just met, knowing that there are people who care about her way more than I do, then caring about someone is hardly part of the picture. and if I ever meet someone I want to be exclusive with, how can I trust her if so many women let their BFs slip their mind while being attracted to me.

If I prove to myself that I can have a seductive power, then I must admit such a power exists, and therefore I can also be hurt by this double edged sword. even though i know there are people practically drowning in hot pussy, for as long as I am not that guy, I am free to believe in things like love. and I think that's where my self sabotage comes in.

By being the guy I've always envied, (and looked down on sitting on my high horse that i justified as morality) I have to know that the people who've known me will see me with new eyes. I could very well lose friendships. and worst of all, I will contribute to the insomnia of nice guys who care about women that ignore them. I'll help other guys feel like shit the same way I have so many times before.

and the guy above is right about people who retreat to their unsatisfactory life. that cannot be me. I feel like I'm trapped between two points of no return.

You can't be afraid to be yourself. Success is different to different people. You don't have to have the hottest chick to be successful. You don't have to be the biggest dude in the room.

Just watch it. With power comes responsibility. And absolute power corrupts absolutely. Take life slow dude.

But I do think you're leaving out the real reason why you went out to the city. Living "Now" is a reaction to a trigger, similar to what you said but not quite the same. Don't ahead of yourself, you can be rich and powerful, but don't let the idea of control, control you.

You don't have to go after girls who have boyfriends, women are contradictory creatures to say the least... What the game does is allow you to see through the bullshit screen that some of them put up. It gives you the ability to analyze a situation and walk away from it (or with it..) with better knowledge.

Even nice girls are not straight forward in their thinking, they aren't trying to be mean they are just different. You can use game to find the girl that will fit your idea of what you are looking for and build something meaningful and lasting.

Don't think of "game" as something as a false front, if anything it is a kin to "working out" it is still YOU... just enhanced.

Yeah, great point. I do feel so much more connected with my peers. knowing how to read people has allowed me to take down some protective barriers, the walls i built to keep intruders out so to speak also kept out allies, and trapped me. I am a better me, though my work on inner game has been going on for way longer than i knew about the PUA game. just looking back a few months shows a lot of progress.

thanks andd95

Mr. Rune,

I can see in your post that you have spent a decent amount of time constructing this message and reflecting on your life. I myself have seen success come and go and can offer this bit of advice. "Success comes to those who are SUCCESS CONCIOUS". -Napoleon Hill. When you in your own mind are ready to become successfull (if this is what you wish) then it will happen for you. But all of the negitive feelings and energy you are putting out right now is only bringing you more of the same.

Being scared of success is only an EXCUSE imo. There is nothing wrong with being successful. People will not try and hunt you down...this is foolish. If you think they will then surley you will have haters, but everyone has friends and enemys. Thats Life.

Clearly right now as you have stated you are not ready for success. Like attracts like. Success attracts success just as poverty attracts more poverty. Actions speak louder then words, but thoughts generate the actions. Be aware of your thoughts for it is what you think, you become.

Hope this help and I wish you the best. If you have questions or want advice on how to be successful feel free to pm me. Im the classic rags to riches story. Nothing in life is every hopeless, unless YOU THINK IT IS.

Impossible is nothing,
Duke

In the words of Style, " You miss 100% of the chances you dont take" go out and talk to women cause it will only be harder if you don't.

If you want to heighten your self-esteem- go out and buy some new garms, start going to the gym and work out, go running in the mornings, drink plenty of water, improve your diet.

Man the list could go on. Go out and make changes to your life, I guarantee it will make you feel better in the long run.

Forget about the past, make your own destiny, look forward and you will never look back.

All the best man,
Droogle

You have written with words what one cant describe.
I know where you are, Im there too; problem is I havent found an answer either.

What I do think its the right path is that I dont really think this is something you can read and then move on, rather its something you have to DO, as you correctly said before.

Im talking about a life style here, you have to build a proper life that suits you well, being PU only a tiny part of it.

If Im correct, here comes the next question: whats the life style Im looking for?

Your not scared of success. Your scared of not being successful. Drop the attachment towards being successful and capable. You may very well be, but it's only going to hinder your progress.