I have this strong belief that I've carried with me that I can't shake because deep down I know it to be true. I can't figure out why it's true though.

I'm a good guy with good intentions who looks out for people and can be pretty charming of a guy.

In High-school I had no issues making friends and the same was true of college but in college a longtime friend of mine who had worked hard to climb the social ladder way up and lost many friends in the process roomed with me and at one point told me that "People just don't like you man" Their always asking me what your deal is? They ask me if your gay, they ask me what your problem is and stuff like that.

I told him once people get to know me they like me. This is true.

After that I 4got about it for a bit and did more social circle stuff. There were always girls interested, never really had any issues but I always did notice that certain people just didn't seem to like me particular in important social status situations.

Started doing cold approaches and nothing off with that but when I started to move around to new places without any friends and travel I really started to get some strange feedback. I will room with people I don't know ahead of time. The first time I did this I started totally off fresh. I found an awesome place to stay and it was an awesome summer. I met real cool people and we had a blast.

Then one day one of the best friends that i had met said to me that I was a really unique and different dude -- a very different -- but that someday when I figure out who I am I'm going to really rip it up and use that to my advantage.

This was a compliment but it hurt pretty bad. I thought I was cool not different.
When I think of different I think of circus people. I am a down to earth kind of funny guy with a serious side. I got more feedback that summer with my manager telling me that my friends feel my sense of humor is a bit twisted and i am causing them pain. The only thing about my sense of humor is that I can find literally ANYTHING funny and make dry humor jokes about it so long as it's not a serious thing like murder or rape.

The next time I relocated I noticed that the majority of my roomates kept to themselves. They were 10 years younger and they did hang with me on a few occassions and were cool but they never invited me out of the house anywhere with them. They had already known eachother for life so I was the outsider, but I still cant understand why I can't get an invite from them. What's so wrong with me?
Is it just that I make people uncomfortable for some reason???

Then I moved down south from the north and people poke fun at me at work as if I'm sort of a joke and my roomates are nice to my face and we go out together from time to time but I have been ditched more than a couple times by them if they are going to a party or going to hang out with certain people. People don't take me too seriously down here.

I think a lot trying to find some blind spot about me that I don't realize. I know Im not tall, I know my hairs thinning, I know I'm not that good looking but Im better looking than many people. I know my tone has an undesirable accent that sticks out like a sore thumb in other regions and that my tone could definately use some tweaking but can that really cause people to just NOT LIKE ME??? Isn't that shallow?

Are people just hating on me?

I know I have a bit of anxious or awkward energy sometimes but overall I'm pretty chill and while I may not always feel totally comfortable in social situations I try not to say anything that is too stupid and just vibe with people and add to their stories.

I have my bad habits. I tend to interrupt sometimes and cut into others conversations (because often I feel left out if I don't), I can be skeptical of things, I can be a little dry and boring sometimes and not really engage people with anything that seems to catch their interest. Still I feel as if there is some secret thing that makes me a very controversial person to be around for some reason and I know that whatever this thing is, it's total bs, but Im trying to find out what it is.

If you're a succesful PUA, your male friends may think you're an ass. Simply because you have all these girls around you, which is threatening for them, especially when they can't meet up to that level of succes.
This isn't something you can easily change. Evolution has brought us this mechanism, and the only thing you can do about it is to match their level. You can PU sometimes, but not much more than your friends. It makes them jaleous.

Edit: I'm experiencing this problem: People tend to hate me because I'm interested in a different girl each once in a while. But because lately I didn't make something out of it, my reputation now sucks among a few of my 'friends'.
PU'ing can give you lots of respect from your friends, but only if done right.


It could also be that your body language isn't matching your personality. Strong (perhaps even a bit arrogant) personality with a wussy body language creeps people out, because they think you're hiding something.

These are just things that I came up with, but that I can't judge from your story. What you do say is that you sometimes interrupt because you feel left out. Not good. Try positioning better (yes, even when you're just hanging out with your friends) and let them finish. Also try to be serious for once, and don't always make jokes of something.
You might be on a too high energy level. Again: not good. It's good to entertain, but if you talk too much you might come off as you have ADD.
And just as with girls: It's ok to DHV and don't give your friends too much interest. Roll off sometimes.

Hope this helps. Don't hate me for it, it was all with the best intentions.

For the rest: You are who you are. You shouldn't change your behavior too much, but maybe you could try being a nicer person.
If they don't like you for who you are, they aren't worth your time and energy. It's your world, your game.

Bits I appreciate you throwing out some suggestions at me. I go back and forth between two extremes and neither one seems to help. I try to be nice and non-confrontational and un-reactive towards people and the haters and bullies just take advantage of that. After a while it pisses me off and I am more alpha and opinionated and try to earn respect -- especially once leading by example doesn't work. Once i get pissed I can be I'm a defensive dick (people will say Im defensive or that I am rude or cold).

I keep the girl thing pretty private and dont showboat flaunt or even talk about it with many of the people who don't like me -- so that's not it. As far as jumping into convo's Im not a part of or interrupting sometimes it feels like if I don't I will never ever get a chance to talk at all. That's why I do it. I agree that people definately find that annoying but it's funny how some people can take over a conversation and I can't. I don't understand why.

My bodylanguage could surely be better but I don't know how much better it could get. I just don't have good body language. It's not pussy body language. I have broad shoulders, I walk with long strides and not hurried, I take up space but I can look awkward in certain positions and i have this back that when I bend over for any reason i see to bend at the back instead of the hips -- it's a little different.

I also have a longer torso than I do legs which is not your typical 6'2 jock type look. I look more like a football player but I'm not heavy. I could trim down on fat by about 20 pounds or so and some find me a little chubby -- but I can see the outlines of my abs when I suck my gut in so it's not that bad.

When I hit the gym and see my reflection I can adjust my bodylanguage to have a very smooth confident walk but when preoccupied with other shit sometimes things can be less solid. Also I don't have a lot of facial expressions and don't have a good smile. Along with this I find that having a stimulating serious conversation about nothing and something at the same time is challenging for me. I can bust balls and play around or talk about myself and what's going on in the moment or have a more deep spiritual type conversation about things with people or rift and vibe off of negative funny shit with them but when it comes to having a cool conversation about their interests and bringing value to it (instead of just acting interested and asking questions) I'm VERY WEAK.

I also lack a real over the top positive genuine comfortable happy to see you vibe sometimes. I also can feel a bit anxious at times and I can also come off with my tone too extreme either with talking too loud or too alpha or with talking too beta and seeking rapport. I also use a lot of slang and don't always pronounciate everything I say clearly.

Maybe you got something for me here? I still don't see how this can make people hate me so much though. I mean this is really superficial shit and I am really a great guy with good intentions and compassion. I can put myself in other peoples shoes, I can give them a good laugh, and I care about the feelings of others. So I just dont get why some people hate me and seem to hate me even more if I display these positive qualities. It almost feels like for the people who hate me I have to totally make them look like tools in front of people for them to respect me -- and even then they are waiting for their chance for revenge.

it seems you've thought about this a lot, most of the possible reasons I could think of you listed yourself. Try and work on all the positive points and forget the negative. Also we can't be perfect all the time. Just curious, are you someone who thinks a lot and analyses your own actions?

you can only work with the cards you're dealt.

Damn this is difficult.
I'm gonna give you loads of advice. It's up to you which parts you're going to use, but most of this comes from my own experience. You have to calibrate to your own surroundings (I'm Dutch, things sometimes work out a little different here), your own personality, style, and the way things work where you live.

Okay, what you're saying is that you go back and forth between two extremes. Have you ever tried the path, that lies in between? I'm guessing you have, and my advice is to stick to it. Too much change in a short period isn't right. Like I said before, people are gonna start wondering what's behind all that, which eventually will lead to mistrust.

Short thing on your looks: It's not important. As long as you're just a little bit normal-looking, you can always find friends. Most of my friends aren't 'hunks'. In fact, 2 of the coolest dudes I've ever met are a bit much overweight. So? They had an awesome personality. Look at Joe D. from the tv-show Pickup-artist, when they did that poolparty in speedos. He was fun, entertaining and couldn't care less about the way he looked.
The whole PU-thing is about looks being unimportant. Take Mehow: He ain't exactly Brad Pitt, if you get what I mean. But he's a fine PUA.
Or Mystery. If you watch this guy, you just can't hate him. His BL doesn't offend me (he doesn't take up much space), his smile disarmes me and his voice is cool and smooth.

I'm not all too happy with your interrupting-thing. I understand why you do it, but I think you're better off not doing it. Don't get me wrong: Sometimes you have to. But you can give yourself a head-start by positioning better (central) and by being genually interesting. I often search the web for weird newsfacts. Because it's fun to read, but also because you can suck up the facts and use them in future conversations (did you know that....).

I'm convinced that this PU-thing shouldn't only be used on girls. You can use it on friends too. Especially the DHV-thing is important. If I'm not in the middle of a conversation, I always take out my phone and wait a few seconds until I can squeeze myself back in the set. What you do isn't important, but it makes you look important. You could just random text someone (hint: Google on 'can i tap that' if you wanna have a laugh) or check out received text messages. This is also something with which you can entertain yourself. And please do sometimes say 'no, I can't come along' or 'no, I have to go home'. Make them trust you, not use you. Trust is important.

Back to the girls: Get to know some. No, don't use your PU-skills, but just get some female friends and learn from them. Women talk a lot about friends, friendships, that sort of things. They also express feelings more clearly than men do.
You can learn a great deal of human interaction (psychology) by just watching other people be.
I have one very good male friend, and one very good female friend. I can discuss a wide variety of things with them. They correct me when I make mistakes, they encourage me to take things further and they provide a warm shoulder.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like it's a list of things I need (I need new shoes, a new tv and a new BF). It just happened, and I feel blessed that I have them.
IMO it's way easier to find a female friend, start with that. They're more open and boys tend to take up more time to develop the necessary amount of trust.

Last but not least: Set yourself boundaries. If changing your attitude doesn't help, find some other friends.




You can only work with the cards you're dealt. But if you don't like the cards: cheat.

The interesting thing about assholes is that I've never seen one call himself an "asshole". He's got everybody around him acting uncomfortable. His best friends will even tell him, "Dude . . . chill out, you're being an ass . . ." And yet they usually just go on and on about "I'm a nice guy, I'm a funny guy, I'm likable, etc . . ."

Dude, I didn't know you but we just met. Through this thread, you have already told us more about yourself than I probably would have learned through a month of hanging out with you.

Seriously? Are you really blaming your height and broad shoulders? Are you seriously blaming others for 'not liking you'? Do you also invite them to your house, put dog shit on their plates and wonder, "Why don't you like to eat shit? Why the frown?" Even the most evil, terrible bullies will smile if you offer them a sweet treat.

You've complicated this situation because as you admitted,


You've complicated this situation because you're not comfortable enough to admit to yourself who you are. Look, you're a delusional asshole who nobody likes. Just go ahead and say it. It's OK. Nobody is going to beat you up, nobody is going to spit at you. It's just you, in your house, by yourself, owning up to your actions. Unless you can FULLY ADMIT and ACCEPT that this is YOUR DOING, you'll spend the rest of your life thinking that everybody around around you is crazy. You'll spend the rest of your life thinking that it's the fault of your football legs. . . I mean . . . this is plain sad.

Once you accept that this is YOUR DOING, then it's simple . . . YOU CAN DO IT ANOTHER WAY. And this won't be easy. You've been doing this all your life. You're not just a delusional asshole, you're a habitual, delusional asshole, so you can't simply rely on your self. Write a plan. You already know all your faults and you already know EXACTLY how change everything. Then you STICK to the plan. Re-teach yourself how to live . . .

I've made plans before and usually they tend to be either:

On the stronger reality side where I just decide not to let other people's opinions on me matter, to have a strong frame that i never undermine, and to admit to people who don't like shit i do that "yeah I'm a dick sometimes that's me" I just trust myself and my actions 100 percent. If Im way out of line I will listen to others and be open to their issues and try to befriend them. Im not totally unreasonable butting heads with everyone but I dont really give a fuck about what other people are trying to project onto me. I will be totally honest with people about how i feel when I'm in this frame and unapoligetic for feeling how i feel while trying not to be too judgemental about things.

The other one (which I've been working on lately) is to just always strive to be in-sink with people, be curious about them, help people out, be humble, be really chill, and use potential confrontations as a way to escalate our relationships.

As I said before however way 1 tends to cause me many problems with people who ultimately either talk behind my back, hate on me, or just don't want to be around me. It also gets me more attraction from girls however.

With the second one people seem to like me much more but it seems like the message I send out to many people is that I am beta. That i am someone who can easily be tooled on, or someone who will be cool with whatever it is that they project on me and even if I bring something up that is totally messed up that they are doing to me THEIR THE ONES unapoligetic -- almost as if they have 100 percent confidence that their frame (no matter how unfair or fucked up) will win out. That I am just a naive simple guy who will avoid confrontation at any cost even if it's fucked up. It just tends to bring out some really bully type savage behavior from people and I think that's so sad. People just don't take me very seriously sometimes.

So I guess I'm not so sure what my plan should be? Maybe I should be even CHILLER and really just focus on caring less about shit but it feels like that just leads to me getting the short end of the stick in life. If someone at work needs to figure out who to give the most work to and take advantage of they pick me because they know it will be easy and won't cause them any drama. Then when I finally cant take shit anymore and finally speak up -- suddenly Im the bad guy?? No matter how valid my points are and how much im willing to have a constructive conversation it's always that I'm being defensive or unreasonable and I honesly feel like they act that way because they feel it will work and I will buy into it because they feel that I care too much about being friendly, avoiding conflicts, and being a good guy. (obviously this is animal instinct and largely subconscious on their part)

Does anyone relate with this?

It's a no win situation.

No not everyone dislikes me man, that's not it. It's just that some people I rub the wrong way and sometimes it feels like I have done NOTHING to them at all for them to not like me. Other times I feel i may have done this or that but that overall I've been a good person to them and have put out the olive branch and yet they dont take it because they "just do not like me".

So then the decision comes to this:

I can either treat them as hostile and assert my boundaries, amog them when they amog me, and just try to show them that I'm not just some nice guy moron who can be walked over and try to make them at least respect me (which can lead to negative social proof as others around me see me as being a dick)

OR

I can be all authentic and humble about the situation and confront them sincerely and try to figure out what their deal is and tell them how i feel. (which is sort of beta and those who don't like me can easily tool me by acting like they don't know what Im talking about and that Im insecure or something)

Anyone? This is so important to me. I really really need some help guys.

^I can re-word what I wrote but I'd just be repeating myself. Then you'd reword what you wrote but you'd be repeating yourself. Then we'd just go around and around as you have with the people around you.

Amen Kasabi. I find myself with a similar problem as Pimpin, but less severe. Opposite what his problem is, I find myself becoming more arrogant about it. Its my reality and my world. Everyone else just lives in it.

I don't give a damn about what people think of me. Part of me deep inside does want to be liked, but at the same time, my reality and consciousness kicks back in and slaps me. Sure, at times I may be rude, crude, obnoxious, offensive, a dick, an asshole or just plain mean, but that is me and I like it this way. Funny thing Bits said about female friends correcting your faults. Mine do the same. They claim its a defensive issue, but know that I am still a great guy and a great friend.

Difference here lies, people will get my respect when they earn it. I make no apologies for the things I do (unless they were flat out stupid or a mistake on my part). I do not walk around buying for people's friendship. When we meet, if they say something stupid or just wrong, oh boy will I create an awkward situation out of it. Sure, there are a lot of people who are just plain dumb out there and like women selecting suitable mates, we must recognize these people chose our friends. If they don't like me they can kiss my ass, plain and simple.

Many people don't like my approach to life but I find it working wonders. Some even tell me that I am taking the attitude thing too far. I don't. I like being an asshole (most of the time ) Keeps potentially destructive people away from me. I will open up to those who earn my trust AND respect.


As for your problem brother, you need to just lighten up. Your thinking of this shit WAY to much. Sure, as said before, it IS your problem. But those who befriend you and then talk behind your back are not friends to begin with. Learn to smile. Learn to laugh. Learn to be immature at times in the fun ways like growing up. Keep life entertaining. ENJOY IT. Your "inner game" sucks. You worry too much. I am not trying to sell the guy (mainly because you can google and torrent his stuff like I have) but he know his stuff when creating a powerful inner game. He is not even a PUA. Search Brian Tracy. The guy will make you look in the mirror and slap you. Then build you back to the person you are destined to become. I cant offer much more advice than that. As the gangsta wanna bees in town say, just "chillax". Lol... silly guys.

i like you !

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This may or may not be relevant..

I girl that i've been sleeping with recently told me about these guys who keep trying to get with her, but she talks about how they are arrogant assholes, and that they just say things, to try and hit on girls that alienate both the girls, and the guys they're around.

tragic..

I replied.. "I'm an asshole.. no question there. so why are you naked in my bed?"

She said "Yes, but you are not only up-front and honest about it, you accept it. and even though you are an asshole, you don't do and say things that piss off EVERYONE in the room. You are arrogant, but it's confident rather than douchy. You are a huge asshole, but at least you don't try to hide behind it"

It was as if she'd had that speech prepared for hours lol..

But I think it might apply to areas of inner game. If people don't like you're personality type, the more you let their thoughts, opinions or actions affect you, the more negative the energy will be.

Read "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene

There are 7(I think) distinct personality types. and you will not get along with 1-2 of them.

I know for me, I'm liked by almost everyone i meet.. BUT there are a few people... No matter how hard i try to get them to like me, generally guys, they just push away and shit talk behind my back more. so.. NOT everyone likes me. You have to let go. Don't let other peoples energy affect you.

I noticed that the second I stopped caring, and instead've trying my best to be overly nice to this person, I showed him that I could give a shit about what was going on in his brain.. I get laid more than you do.

The more the tension fell, and in one case, we are sort of friends now.

I still say, you can only deal with the cards you are dealt.

But you can strategically play the best hand you can.

In the end, we can give loads of advice, but you are the one who has to pull this off.

As far as your dilemma goes, I'd say be alpha. Amog them back, don't let them walk over you. On college, I notice guys respect me and say me as some sort of leader. How? By doing exactly what I want to do, but still remain friendly and involved.
And by adding the immature thing (hey bits, can you do ... -> no, [insert random yo mamma joke]), as Rushbo mentioned.
But when I'm in a small group, I do tell them personal things like 'did you notice that cute girl over there? Damn me that I didn't go talk to her'.

Again, I can only throw out some suggestions that worked for me. You have to take action.