I've been going out with this woman for 4 years, and recently, 2 weeks ago about, she started seeing my roommate. I've been really buddy buddy with my roommate and this has came as a huge shock to me... since its really hard to let her go, we've been sharing her, he's a lot less of the jealous type than I am... but she has little to no sexual attraction to me anymore. I think what might have happened is that he unleashed a boyfriend destroyer unintentionally (they talked about me a lot).

Now, what can I do to get her back? They've been moving really fast (they've already said I love you and had sex even though it took me 3 months for the same) and they seem to get along socially a bit more.

How should I act towards him? Should I act differently when we 3 are together?

Oh, also, she's said to me "if it is really meant to be it will happen. Just give it due time. You must have faith." Someone care to translate?

I don't want to hear "just move on, man" please. I've tried.

This is kind of confusing. You were going out for four years, like seriously dating? That would be a serious relationship in my book. In my head if she can just take 4 years, not break up with you, and start seeing you friend, she's pretty cold hearted.

That being said, if you guys were just fuck buddies for four years, without any sense of commitment, then technically she didn't do anything wrong except step on your feelings with spiked stilettos.

You've been sharing her...what does this mean? You guys take turns banging her? You guys both hang out with her? Date her?

That line sounds like a cop out, so that she doesn't have to feel guilty for replacing you. It's a serious bitch move too, because she's giving you false hope.

If you give me some details on the current situation as far as commitment goes and such I might be able to help more. At this point, from what I can glean, it sounds like she's either:

A.) Playing both of you to give herself a sense of power and control.

B.) Not concerned with a serious relationship with either of you.

C.) Starting to begin with him whatever she had with you.

Hit me up with those details and I can tell you how I'd run the situation. At this point your best bet is to probably start bringing another girl around and act interested in her. Four years means she's gonna be used to having that power over you, and if you look like you've moved on without a problem she's probably going to get jealous.

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There's a reason you want to be a PUA, so don't lie to yourself.

You want the 10's.

Breaker

We were in a serious relationship, planning on getting married literally. And then he comes along and now they seemingly have a serious relationship aside from the fact that she is still seeing me.

I haven't had sex with her since I found out about everything. But we're still dating and we still kiss, but I think it might just be mostly to keep me happy. She seems not to be turned on by me.

And C) sounds like what it might be between them. She's acting towards him in many ways she acted towards me when we first started going out. She was head over heels for me, and now, all of those feelings just seemed to shift to him.

Ugh... they're making out in the room right next to me at the moment

um go find another girl.

she's just seeing what else the world has to offer her. its normal.

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Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner has a Future

Dude, this is f'ed right up. How are you so passive about this? You are in a 4 year relationship and she starts seeing/banging someone else (your roomate nonetheless), and you put up with this shit? Why are you still seeing her?!

I think the solution in my mind is pretty simple. She's clearly a bitch, and your roomate is a dick. I'm not sure how close you are to him, but seriously... Either way, why are you sitting around listening to them make out and posting frowny faces. Get your self out of this messed up situation and go find a better girl who will actually respect you and not literally slap you in the face like this.

I love her and I do feel like she is "the one." I've had a very very deep emotional attachment to this woman, and it WAS mutual. She told me she never wanted to be with anyone else... sigh...

She's really drilled into me emotionally. I know the situation is fucked up and I've been to hell and back, and I did sock him in the face once, but... I can't help but still have feelings for her.

After having such a deep emotional connection to someone like that for so long, its hard to imagine being with anyone else like that. We got along so nicely. This shit has seriously fucked with my heart...

Once again I agree with you, Driz....the conclusion is simple, the real question is whether you actually are open to hearing it, cause it doesn't sound like you are...

Honestly, if you are not going to have enough self respect to not except this, then you will change nothing or listen to anything we say...and if you change nothing you have NO chance of this girl being "the one." (which in of itself is a problem, there are plenty of fish, not just ONE)

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"I forgive you...."

I just want to see if I CAN fix this and be with her. If not, I will have no choice but to move on, right?
I'm willing to change if that's what it takes. What should I do?

Truth is you can't change it unless you move on.
The more you are 'ok' with it the less respect she has for you and you will never get her back.

I don't know why you would as she has made a fool out of you and continues to do so until you accept the fact that she is gone and you need to get her out of your life immediately.

The more you hang on the less time you have to spend on your own life healing and getting ready to meet women that are better than her.

If she was the one then she would not have this guys dick in her.

Sorry to sound so harsh but I really think thats what you need to hear to get the message.

We all go through this, its shit but lifes lessons are hard and what makes you is how you learn to deal with them and overcome shit.

You should visit loveshack forums or something like that, heal yourself and come back here when you are ready for new pussy.

Ok, so, let's look at this objectively.

If you were in a serious relationship with her for four years, and it was exclusive, then her having sex with your friend without ending things with you is called CHEATING. Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend, either.

Seeing what else the world has to offer her? What, is a breakup not a common courtesy anymore? I guess anytime I'm in a relationship with a girl now I can go see what else the world has to offer and it would be normal.

I think you should be livid man. She cheated on you with you friend, and is trying to string you along in the process. Not only should you move on, you should find someone more worth your time, who actually respects you as a person.

_________________
There's a reason you want to be a PUA, so don't lie to yourself.

You want the 10's.

Breaker

Ok, so you want her back but you're giving her NO reason to leave the other guy. You're ok with her cheating on you? Then she's going to. She loses nothing in the transaction, right? She still gets all your emotional support and affection.

You're going to have to make her choose. Him or you. And you're going to have to live with the decision.

If it all boils down to him being a stunt-cock, she'll come back to you once the passion dies down (which may happen faster without the thrill of getting away with cheating) and she'll miss the emotional connection you have.

If not, then you don't really have that connection in the first place.

guys i think we all know what it is like to be mad in love. ive been in this situation before myself, back before i started as a pua and this is how i handled it. Right so shes basically banging ur room mate in the next room while ur online looking for advice.

Right go out get some new clothes and change ur avatar. let this chick know that ur not the boring dude she thinks u are. say she comes to stay at ur place with ur mate, go out clubbing or something. Man ure a pua, show DHV! and if she still doesnt notice u then man its time to move on. But man what i wud tell is that if a girl does this to ur once why wudnt she do it again.

Why don't you knock on their door and ask for permission to watch and masturbate?

Seriously, did you mistake this forum for "jerryspringer.com"? What the hell's the matter with you? She's just a young, horny girl who's found something else. Your roommate is just a young, horny AFC that took whatever fell on his lap. The three of you put together have about as much sense as monkey in heat. He just fucks. She just fucks. You just fucking watch. If they even had at least tiny sense of respect, they'd at least creep the door open a bit so you can get your jollies and whack off.

What the hell is going on here? Do you REALLY need this roommate? Can't you look in the want ads and find another room? Don't you have any other "friends"? During the course of a week, how many girls cross your path? EVERY SINGLE ONE of them can be your next girlfriend. Must you really beg for kisses from a ditz?

Nobody is doing anything to you. You're just standing around doing nothing. You don't need their permission. You don't need to sit there, negotiate, and draw up a term agreement. What the hell kind of conversations did you have with your roommate or your girlfriend previously? The benefactors of the proposed health care reform? China's influence in Global economics? The next wave in technology? The role of behavioral psychology in modern families?

Get the fuck out of that ghetto and get yourself a life. Leave those idiots behind to star in their own episode of jerry springer.

And get the hell outta here with that violin harping "I tried to move on" crap. . . There's less melodrama in Chinese day time soap operas.

What I'm requesting is information about how I might be able to get her attention again, not your opinion based on assumptions. Thanks.

I don't want to be living here with this situation around me, but quite frankly I don't have much of a choice. I am going out a lot more to get away from it, get my mind off of it, and that works to an extent. Unfortunately, I am constantly having to be reminded of her. We used to everything with each other and be everything to each other, and we were the only people we could be ourselves around. I've had many girlfriends but I've never felt this way about another person before. Excuse me for not simply getting over this.

We had a really nice date yesterday and I think she had a lot of fun. I was acting a bit cocky and being a lot more decisive that I've usually been, and I think that might have caught her interest a bit. Now I suppose I'm going to hold off on communicating with her for a while... what then?