Over the past two years, I've changed a lot, and overall, I think I've changed for the worse. I used to be an overall likeable guy, I had lots of friends, girls actually liked me (despite me being completely oblivious) and I was pretty happy and didn't worry about any social stuff.

Then I started to think about my social life, and I changed things. I became pretty depressed, lost a lot of friends, drifted from people, and my social life became nearly non-existent...

Until I found this community. Then I started to kick things off again, my social life started to go uphill, I started to learn these tactics to get girls and gain friends. But something still isn't here, and it used to be.

Now I find myself always thinking about my state, always thinking about my social life and how I can make it better. I am never in the moment, never present. I feel like I'm always just a loud, obnoxious, annoying douchebag who thinks hes funny when he really isn't. I've noticed this kind of reaction in others.

Before, people liked me, girls were attracted to me, I had friends in abundance. Now, though, I look back and see these things as distant memories. Now, I strive to make friends every day. I feel lost most of the time I am out. I try WAY too hard in social situations. Girls find me annoying. Guys don't wanna spend time with me or be my friend. I'm an asshole. I have no game. If a girl is interested in me, it is only until she gets to know me and my personality and realizes that I have nothing, and I'm fake. I have no sense of identity. No strong belief in myself or sense of reality.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone.

_________________
-Sharplin
My journal:
sharplins-journal-vt84603.html?highlight=

its only a phase your going through buddy, a state of mind, everyone gets them, maybe a mild form of depresson ,try not to dwell on it much it will pass

I'm not a therapist but I think if you shared some stories of exactly why you feel like this, we can point out some issues and get you to think about your behavior. I went through a phase very similar to you - I had no game, no friends, no direction in my life and it showed. I was so self-absorbed in my career and work and my own head that I just let everything else fall apart and I spiraled to the very bottom - literally. I won't even describe to you all the ways I hit bottom.

Now I'm in a position where I'm starting over - building new friendships, launching out in a new direction with my career, not taking myself so seriously anymore, and being open to meeting new people. When you're younger, friendships happen very naturally because you are forced into an artificial social scenario - school. Once you get to college, things get a little looser and it's easier to fall through the social cracks. I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing you're around college age.

It harder to make friends as you get older. Everyone's got their own life going on and socialization starts to take a back seat. But all it takes is some display of personal investment in another person to make a friend. That might sound trite, but how often have you just started talking to an acquaintance (or an old friend you may have alienated) and asked them genuinely how they're doing and appeared interested in the response?

There's a point where a constant attempt to turn every situation into a comedic routine or display of manliness or some other fulfillment of personal needs will backfire on you, and it sounds like hit that point. This is nothing new - people have been doing this for millenia. You can win friends and followers to your cause if you just take an active interest in other people's lives and be prepared for wherever that takes you. If it means you need to invite a classmate or co-worker to spend the afternoon with you shopping or whatever that's what it takes. Just make that investment and see what happens.

Start with the people in your past who's opinion on some topic you found interesting or helpful. You can bond with that person over it, and even share a little bit of what you're feeling, maybe ask them for some feedback. If you've been an ass in the past, you might need to ask for some forgiveness. Most of the time something you beat yourself up over is no big deal to someone else and they might not even remember it.

And don't just text them and ask for a meetup. Technology has made people feel very insulated from the outside world, so I encourage everyone I talk to that they should ditch whatever communication gadget du jour they're using and go see that person in their natural habitat. I'm frankly disgusted by the level to that technology was supposed to bring us together has completely fucking destroyed us as social creatures.

If this community has changed WHO you are then you either dont know who you are or you are ddoing something wrong.

No matter how far you progress, you should remember WHO you are, the core being the same as it always was. Your new skills dont change that.

What it should do is to help you grow. Help you be the one you want to be without apologizing for it. Not change yourself into the person that will work.

You are not wearing a hat because it is cool, it is cool because you are wearing it.

love yourself

Sharplin this is exactly what I went through only I've come full circle again. You will too. Work on inner game and start building real confidence and not fake confidence. Like Jav says, love yourself, and start building up your life.

My thread "How much do you respect yourself?" was actually aimed at people like you, people who kid themselves that they have value but they really don't. People who take PUA too seriously. People who are blindly arrogant that if a girl doesn't like them then there is something wrong with the girl.

It's only when you start to question yourself do you begin to change. I grew up very underconfident but when I started Sixth Form I made a good set of mates, I became more confident and my true funny personality came out. I started to pull girls, I became even more confident, which as a result led me to pull even more girls and turning my confidence into arrogance. I lost friends and lost a great girl and only began to realise what a dick I was when I was told I was a big headed prick.

Then I read The Game and found the community and became even worse. All of a sudden I had an even bigger advantage on most guys. I knew how to flip attraction switches and connect with girls in a big way, except this was fake connection. It was connecting to get into her, not a genuine one. However I came full circle.

You've realised something similar, now all you have to do is change. Start looking out for others more and be sociable simply even to make someone's day better. If you meet new people, take a genuine interest in them and people will love you. If you see someone sat on their own in class or something give them a smile and a hey. Friendliness costs nothing.

I believe this post by Johnny Soporno will help you greatly, please read it.

http://www.worthyplayboys.com/

Go into 'classic writing' and read 'A definition of inner game...'.

If you have any questions ask me, because I believe I've been where you are before.

Sharplin,

You've changed. You gained nothing. You've lost nothing.

Trixta,

The only thing that came to a full circle for you is the reasoning behind your non-change.

Back in the day, you had to give a camel for advice...I hope you have two camels.

peace

I've found that this has been happening to me too recently, but I can see what I'm doing wrong. A few months into my PUA studies, I was doing phenomenal- great responses from girls, loads of value, and I just didn't know enough about it to get too stuck in my own head. Just a good balance of game and actual personality.

As I got more into PUA, as we obsessive intellectuals tend to do, I found myself less able to concentrate on being myself. Everything had to have a label, every line had to be perfect, everything had to be just right.

Now I'm reeling myself back in, trying to tone down my game and let my actual personality through more. Too much game is a very bad thing, and you will just overqualify, seem like a jerk/cocky asshole, or come off as "too smooth." You need to remember to GIVE value and show vulnerability.

I think the problem of too much game affects virtually every semi-talented newbie that takes up PUA. Every guru I've studied has mentioned this to some extent, but I think it deserves more attention. I personally didn't think I'd have to worry about having too much game until I was at least a year into PUA, but it can happen very fast and suddenly all your approaches go sour.

I would say Sharplin has lost loads, but it doesn't really matter as he can bring it all back. He's lost nothing in terms of material possessions but he's lost his self respect and happiness, the two things which are most important to me at least.

I assume what you are saying is that I am still the same but because I have given it a different reasoning it feels to me like I have changed. The reasons though, have all made me change my personality for the better, and this is reflected in my quality of life compared to what it was nine months ago. People have noticed this non-change.