Hey guys,
so I'm pissed. I always said "well if my friend likes this girl I shouldn't go for her or else he'd be devastaded"
This has led me to several moments where some really hot girls were locked to me, which I did myself. I was often given the advice: You have to look out for your own happiness. you can't always be the nice guy.
Unfortunately, the nice guy behaviour has often worked I guess...

only that it's me ending up alone and frustrated

Tonight I experienced a prime example: A girl, beautiful (from our social circle) is dancing with this nice guy I've been hanging out several times. Now I didn't want to hurt him by taking her away and dancing and escalating.
What happened next was that one of his close friends grabbed her while alone and made out. I could feel the nice guy's heart breaking. (Wether thats slutty behaviour is irrelevant here)

The point is: I didn't hurt his feelings or crossed his boundaries (to put it more unaffectedly) but eventually someone else did.

So where do I start to go for girls my friends like and when do I leave them?
Of course I'm aware that there's more than enough pussy outside there but I'm not at the stage to pick them up yet, but my social circle is easier.

Generally I focus on 4-5 girls that I want to hang out with or to go for so I dont get emotionally attached. But then, do I have a right to say that I should have the privilage to go for her? I saw the difference in my goals and plans. Whether I just want to have sex with her or whether I want to take her exclusively. This was the criteria for my friends to settle whether to interfere with others or to leave it.


So where's the line between egoistical, destructive acting and healthy, self caring taking?


I appreciate your time and would be glad to hear your opinions

Pulsebeat

the line is drawn between the friend having a chance and him having already screwed up.

the process should then including taking him aside and telling him he's already lost.

_________________
Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner has a Future

I think you need to find out what you're comfortable with.

Do you really find a particular girl more important than your friend? If you do, then by all means go for her... If not, don't...

The line, in my opinion, is wherever you feel it should be.

I have to agree with Krystal

Keep your friend close but keep your targets closer... If the guy is nice you KNOW he won't get thius chick and some douche will.

That douche might as well be you for two reasons :

1) If you feel you don't deserve it, you have nothing to do on this forum :p

2) you can see it as a way to show your friend how it's done (which is what i have done many times. i'm in college)
You'll see not only, that your friend isn't mad but that he admires you and that you can help him. You don't need to be mystery to pass the little knowledge you have :p

And if your friend gets mad, tell him he had no chance anyway, invent reasons why that is.

Bottom line is, if he still thinks he had a chance and can't see how easily you overwhelmed his attempts, he is too full of himself to learn anything and you shouldn't feel mercy for him (since he isn't REALLY your friend anyway)

First off, thanks for the reply guys

Some while ago I actually made a plan for myself to hang out more with different girls. If someone I know is interested in a certain girl I would only go for her if he isn't too emotionally attached and it's therefore a situation of "may the better one win".
This was the case during that night. (I chose the wrong word as description. He is nice but he's got an edge to it although I wouldn't believe he's that good with women. Nevertheless, the point you, kristall and frank, made remains)

I try to push interactions from now on to see what reactions I get from guys in order to find out what's acceptable for me.
I want to incorporate the idea of kristall and el_frank when he really is emotionally attached and has already lost it.

Pulsebeat