I've been gaming this girl in my college residence hall who I could see myself possibly dating. We've hooked up several times which commonly ends up in everything short of sex and let me add, I'm really good at what I do . I'm still a virgin simply because I choose to be. She is really laid back and usually just stays in her room which is really convenient for me. She is also in a very complicated relationship with someone a couple hours away, still in high school, and who she doesn't trust anymore (with very good reasons in my opinion not to) but still gives him the benefit of the doubt in most cases. I feel this relationship is on the brink of collapse, but it seems they are trying extremely hard to keep it going.

The other night I asked if she wanted to join me for lunch the following day at a local restaurant. Her response was that she didn't have any money. I offered to pay for her (which I was iffy about doing but went ahead anyway), and she didn't take very kindly to that. I feel like her complicated relationship status and that alone is what is keeping or relationship from going beyond a friends with benefits relationship as she has given numerous SOI about a future between us.

What should I do? Just tone down the display of interest and let her feel like she's loosing me or just continue along with the friends with benefits relationship until she is in a better situation for another relationship?

Hi pua3211,

There are some major problems in your relationship with this girl. First of all, if she has sex with her boyfriend (even though he's living far away), you, by not having sex (in case she knows anout that), are demonstrating lower value. That's never a good idea!

Also offering to pay a girls drink or dinner isn't very intelligent, neither usefull. It's like you're paying her to hang out with you. Never offer such a thing! In case she has no money, you should tell her, you both could go for a walk (if your campus is cool), maybe with a final stop in your room.

Toning down your intrest is dangerous, because she already has a boyfriend. So I would wait a few days, an then slowly but surely start with desconfert her relationship. Ask her, if she is sure that her boyfriend isn't cheating on her. Ask her if he is really liberal letting her study so far away from him.

So she will start to think about her relationship in a negative way. But pay attention, never refer to her boyfriend as a real person. He isn't competition so ignore him for the rest.

Tell me how this story went on. I'm intrested.

Basically her ASD went up, and for a good reason too. She doesn't want to be the cheating girlfriend.

I would back off from her a little bit, pursue some other options, but continue as close a friend-relationship with her as she is comfortable. The GENERAL rule in PUA is never enter the LJBF zone; however, you've already established mutual attraction, so you are now free to develop comfort with her. Focus on making her comfortable opening up to you, being around you, etc. WITHOUT hitting on her. Try to make time with her part of her daily routine. If you downplay the Attraction phase and start working on Comfort, she will begin to see you as more than a friends-with-benefits kind of guy.

_________________
-The good can never be measured, but the great can never be controlled-

Thanks for everyones advice.
Here is a little update to this. The following day I did not text her and waited for her to text me. I got 1 text "have a good day?" and my phone was on my bed on vibrate so I didn't hear it, an hour and a half later I retrived my phone to find two more texts "what are you doing?" and then finally "since its now 530 and you arent talking to me i can fully assume we arent going to lunch. thanks for telling me. have a wonderful night ." at that point I walked over to her room, knocked and talked to her for a few minutes to explain the situation and ask her why she got so upset because she never said yes to lunch the previous night. She claimed she did say yes that night and that the text didn't send, but I think the real reason is she needed an excuse for overeacting to me not responding to my texts and me acting so unaffected by the situation. In my oppinion it worked out in the end. On a side note, she went back home for the weekend and she is bringing me back cake

to leftytheking
so that means no more kissing, making out, and hooking up? It is sort of hard to work on other options because of our living proximities, but I have saved several other options to work on.