Hey. First post. Brief personal intro: I'm a uni student without a social life. I'm loosely aware of game and the PUA community, and I like the free self-help thing you've got going on here. There's a lot I don't like, mind - some of the guys around here, especially in the often lamentable Lay Reports board, seem to be cynical heartbreakers or guys who'll happily step on others to get the girls they want, and that isn't a kind of game I want to play - but the main vibe I get from this place is that its core is made up of guys who want to help other guys better their skills with women and be happier, and I respect that. At any rate, you're the only people I can think to ask for help.

Basically, I reckon my looks are good enough to not repulse girls and once I hit it off with someone I'm decently good at making friendly conversation. When I find myself meeting guys I don't know in social situations, I can often get a night of good banter going with them and when I meet girls I don't know I'll often get some good flirting going and have walked away with a few numbers. I'm not the smoothest guy in the world and I'm still fairly shy with strangers but I'm improving and I don't reckon this is a major problem for me.

Rather, my main problem is that I just don't really have a social life. I don't do any sports (never have, and physically I'm in shit shape and unco-ordinated / unbalanced / slow; sports aren't really an option for me) and what hobbies I do have are things I do on my own. I don't have any close friends, and the handful of loose friends I do have, have social lives that revolve around their hobbies, which are all musical / sporty in nature so I can't really break into their groups easily. So my question is what I should do to build a social life from scratch and put myself in a position where I can actually meet people - whether we're talking about guys to befriend or chicks to pull. If I can get out two or three nights a week, and be with people other than my same small group of friends, I reckon I'm basically set both to get the social circle I need to stop wasting all my time alone in my room, and start getting somewhere with girls.

I know this is a little off the focus of this forum since it's more about building a general social life than specifically pulling girls, but I'm guessing there's likely to have been folks here who've been in the same situation and will have some wisdom to offer on this. And, well, it's the main hurdle I need to jump to start pulling girls, too.

P.S. I see a lot of talk on this forum about running game on girls in clubs. Well, I'm guessing clubs are different over there in the States to how they are in the UK; here, clubs, at least outside the really big cities, are small, overcrowded places which rarely have more than a couple of tables and are loud everywhere. There's basically just the dance floor and the bar queue - people drink on the dance floor - so your chances of being able to converse with someone over the top of the music in the middle of the crowd are nil. Clubs are not a viable place for me to meet people.

Dude I could go on and on about how to build a social circle, but I guess I'll let this free book do all the talking: Here is the http://www.pluginid.com/friends.pdf

It has helped me immensely to make new friends! I can't recommend this enough to anyone who wants to build an awesome social circle!

The most important piece of advice I can give you is to really sit down and find out the things you desire the most, set goals, and start working towards them. Find out what you fear the most, as fear is always the reason for not doing something we love.

Find like minded people who share the same passions, and you'll end up making really good friends. The book explains in detail how to go about achieving this!

Local mastermind and men's support groups can also be really helpful if they are focused on the same goals/interests as yours. Usually these groups meet once a week and socializing takes place before and after the meetings.

Not only can these groups help you reach your goals faster, but you'll end up making some really close friends since you'll connect with people easily at these meetings. Here's an article on mastermind groups: http://www.kinowear.com/blog/how-to-bui ... f-success/

I would also suggest to get the basic stuff like hygiene, dressing decently, taking care of your health, etc. handled if you haven't done so (which having read your post, I'm guessing you already have).

And finally, whenever opportunity comes knocking on the door, fight your irrational fears and don't let them hold you back from going out and making new friends or experiencing new things.

As for the following problem you have mentioned:
I'd suggest you look into inner game. You'll love it
Damn right! I love this community

Hope this helps

SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE!!!!!

The first, biggest, hardest step to starting a new social life is to bite the bullet and change who you are. It will not be easy. At times, it will hurt a LOT. Designing the new, improved you means an emotional self-surgery of everything wrong with your personality. The toughest part is simply forcing yourself to change.

You said you were out of shape. Go to the gym, find out if there are personal trainers available. If you can afford them, they are totally worth it. If you can't get one for some reason, find someone who is ripped and have them teach you. For a while, you are going to be the too fat/ too skinny guy at the gym, lifting really light weights and struggling for every rep. SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE! Every muscle-head started in the same place. (I just started working out again after almost a year off. Yes, I feel your pain).

If you haven't already, buy yourself new clothes. And a new haircut. They go a long way to help you build a better personality. Buy them tighter that what you're used to. Fat or skinny, baggy clothes are unflattering. New clothes and a new hiarcut make you *look* different, which makes you *feel* different.

Buy "The Rules of the Game" by Neil Strauss. It's a 30 day program to help you build basic PUA skills. I recommend it to any newcomers to the Community.

Write on a sheet of paper your list of top 5 goals. Whatever you want from your new life. Screw what other PUA's think- if you don't want to one-night-stand through life, that's fine. A lot of us only use PUA for finding LTR's. What do YOU want?

_________________
-The good can never be measured, but the great can never be controlled-

Hey again.

Sorry, made my original post drunk and just suddenly remembered for the first time since that I'd posted here.

I appreciate the help from both of you, but lefty, I think you're way off the mark of what I need. I like my personality, I'm friendly and can talk to people comfortably, albeit with a bit of shyness that currently requires familiarity or alcohol to overcome. I'll work on that, but it's not my main issue. Similarly, while I'm unfit, I'm not so unfit that it hurts my physical attractiveness; I'm starting to work on it for my own reasons (basically to remove one of my major obstacles to playing sport, and so I can handle myself in a fight) but they're unrelated to my social life.

Instead, my big hurdle is simply not knowing where to meet people. Where can I go where I'll find myself in contact with new people in a context where it's socially acceptable to just talk to strangers I don't know? An idea for this would be the single most helpful thing you could give me.
Hmm. The things I desire the most: to be able to play a sport, or at least have some sort of physical hobby, and to have regular things to do so that I'm not stuck in my room bored all the time. Maybe also an LTR / getting some one-night-stands, but I think the main draw of that for me is just a regular cure for boredom / a cure for the insecurity that comes from boredom.
The trouble is that the only things I'm currently passionate about are my nerdy hobbies, which aren't popular enough for me to find like minded people.

So PUAs, put yourself in my position. You're virtually friendless in a big town, the friends you do have don't want to go out so you can't use them to make more friends, and the local clubs are shit and don't provide an opportunity to have a conversation, much less make a friend. You don't play any sports you can join a club for. What do you do? Also, any advice on sports that can be learned without premises, friends to play with, or enough skill to reasonably join a club?

Dude read the book I've linked to. It has all the answers on how and where you can meet like minded people. It will also help you find your passions.

As far as being nervous when having conversations with strangers is concerned, here's an exercise that will help:

The next time you want to talk to a stranger, and you start feeling nervous, don't try to ignore or suppress the feeling. Instead notice where and how does it feels in your body. Let it be there. Then talk to them regardless of the feeling being there.

You are damn right about looking at the LTR and one night stand as being the cure for your regular boredom. You want the girl to be the adventure in your life. This is not going to make beautiful women attracted to you (especially in an LTR) Read these articles, they have helped me a lot and I think will help you as well: http://www.attractioninstitute.org/how- ... girlfriend and http://www.attractioninstitute.org/tire ... ing-advice

Sometimes you just have to get out there and see what happens honestly