I’m not completely clear on why being needy is such a bad thing. My ex was needy. She always needed more time and attention from me than I needed from her. This could get overwhelming at times but as long as she gave me enough time to myself (and she usually did), it was actually pretty nice. Whenever I wanted to hang out with her or go do something with her, she was up for it. And she never flaked on me, I could DEPEND on her. She didn't even flake when we first started dating. Btw, she was a very attractive girl with a great personality. She had lots of options.

I was the non-needy one in our relationship and she ended up having an affair with someone who NEEDED her more than I did. Her biggest complaint in our relationship was that I didn't want to spend more time with her and she left me for someone who did. My non-neediness was the single biggest factor in our relationship ending. Could someone please explain why neediness is such a bad thing because I am not clear on this?

In my opinion its part Cat string theroy and part to do with displaying yourself as an Alpha male

on one side you've got the fact that once you start to become needy and show too much interest the girl eventually gets bored and moves onto a new challenge. By showing that you are not needy and you can do without her to an extent keeps her on her toes and wondering why she cant win you over, which is probably different from all the other AFCs who fall at her feet once they can.

On the Alpha male side, its about showing that your not worried if she gets up and walks away, showing that you yourself are the prize and she doesnt crontrol everything you do, she has to earn the chance of being with you.

Thats why being needy falls into the DLV category. Just in my opinion anyway

You basically answered your own question. Your girlfriend hanged around you as you where giving the attention she all so needed, but when she found a guy that would give her even more attention she ditch you for him. Needy people always wanting attention as much as possible. Its a drug for them that they can never have enough off. They will only remain loyal to you as long as you are the one showering them with the most amount of attention, but as you experienced if they find someone else that will shower them with even more attention they go to that person.

This is why being needy is bad.

Imo, being needy will actually put a girl off. Your girls excuse sounds like a way for her to put the blame for the break-up on you with some bullshit excuse so she doesn't have to feel as guilty.

You broke up because of HER inability to be happy with what she has. I'd say there are other reasons as well, but this thread isn't about your break-up it's about being needy.

Being needy shows insecurity, it shows you NEED the girl in your life to be happy - HUGE Ego boost for them, MAJOR loss of attraction to you.

It's CatString theory - no matter how much a girl will beg and plead for you to give them 100% of your attention, as soon as you give it, BAM loss of attraction.

Girls don't want to sleep with guys who aren't as good as them.
Attention given = amount of interest given.

_________________
"Love is three quarters curiosity." ~Casanova
Hominem Unius Libri Timeo



Diploma in Clinical Hypnosis -- GHR & NHS

Different people do have different needs, and to a certain extent that's just their personality. I think "neediness" is a little misleading because it's supposed to represent an undesirable extreme. We are all humans and we all have needs, some more than others. If your girlfriend has more needs than you are willing to fulfill, the relationship won't work out, regardless of whether or not the amount of attention she is seeking is unreasonable by a common standard.

Being needy is a truly bad thing. You accept that she has the higher value in the relation and you show it by clinging to her like a child to his mother. She does not wanna be you mom. She wants a man who can fend for himself. If you need her to feel good you suck. If you wanna be with her because she makes you feel better it is a good thing.

Offering energy and love into the relationship versus sucking energy and love out of it.

What do you NEED to do?