In my years of being a Dating Coach it’s become apparent that the most important and easiest way to flirt with women is to use what is called Push/Pull.

Basic Definition: “Saying something nice and dove tailing it with something mean or saying something mean and dove tailing it with something nice.”

On a more advanced level flirting using push/pull is the art of using both your physical touch/facial expressions and your words in unison. This could mean that you tease her about something or playfully call her out on something, yet while doing so you are smiling, you pull her in and hug her just before she gets mad to show her you are kidding. The guys I know who are the best with women when it comes to flirting, building attraction in the first encounter, building attraction in social circle settings, or maintaining a fun relationship are masters of push/pull.

To truly master push/pull you must learn to calibrate to the woman. Each woman has her own default push/pull blueprint. Some girls blueprint is that they respond best when the ratio is 5 pushes to every 1 pull. With these type of women, they will quickly get bored with a guy who tries to compliment “pull” to often. Even with these women, the pull must appear at some point or she will give up and lose interest assuming you are just a jerk.

Other girls default blueprint is just the opposite. If you want to properly flirt with these women, you will be best off giving light compliments “pulling” maybe 5 times for every one tease “push.”

However, even though each woman has her own default blueprint for when she first meets new guys, this blueprint can quickly change relative to your value. That same woman who would have felt massive attraction to a 5 pushes to 1 pull ratio, will not be receptive to a low value guy attempting such a ratio. However, the woman who responds better to 5 pulls and 1 push and would normally get upset if the average guy teased her to much, will have no problem being teased hard by a guy who she considers extremely high value in her social circle or a celebrity.

Basic Example of Push/Pull:

The Push: (In Bold)

The Pull: (Not bold)

I meet a girl, we are flirting, but 10 minutes in I find out she is from Texas. Since I’m originally from Oklahoma. There is a natural reason for immediate push/pull.

Braddock: “Damn, your from Texas. (Faking disappointment with face and body language) This sucks, you’re really cute and I was just starting to like you, but now I have to break up with you. I’m going to need my CD’s back and my letter jacket. Now that I know you are from Texas, I don’t feel so bad about cheating on you. But, you were amazing in bed. This makes me sad.” (Pretend to walk away, then come back smiling. She drops her jaw and playfully punches me in the arm. I pull her in, hug her and kiss her on the cheek).

Breakdown of The Above:

The Push? Any point in the above where I’m saying something mean, pretend to break up with her, pretend to be disapointed, or fake walking away.

Go out and practice pushing as hard as you can without pissing girls off. The sweet spot is when she is almost mad, but you can tell she likes that you have the balls to push her buttons, yet the social savvy to release the tension by intermittently complimenting or physically being warm “pulling.” Go out for a week and mess this up. I give you permission to piss some girls off. This is the only way you will know what the boundary is with this stuff. The more she likes you and the more attracted she is, the harder you can push. This is how you build deep layers of attraction with women. The farther you can successfully take things with the teasing “pushing” the better it will feel for her when you do release the tension by being warm verbally or physically, “pulling.”

The Pull? Any point in the above where I compliment her, smile, or physically escalate. When you are trying to flirt with women, don’t kill the sexual tension by over pulling.

Most guys will say, “Just kidding” when the girl wasn’t even mad. Save comments like “just kidding” for when you truly piss her off and even then, use it sparingly. Also, don’t kill sexual tension by playfully pushing, but laughing at your own joke to early in an attempt to break the tension, hoping she will ‘be ok with it.’ Have some balls and be ok with creating some tension. This tension is what makes the compliments “the pull” actually feel really good. No tension + pulling = no attraction and no secondary gain of the pull feeling good. Pulling with no attraction, is simply validating her, not causing a connection.

Go out and practice complimenting. Range them and see what happens. Notice the difference when you give light compliments after several teases. Notice that it doesn’t kill the tension, but actually allows you to push it farther. Then try over complimenting to early and being way to nice and notice how it kills the sexual tension and makes it even harder to push the next time.

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