| I've been studying PUA for about 2 years, and it has undoubtedly made me a better person. I was reading a post earlier about life being short, and how to live it like there's no tomarrow, and it really hit home. PUA has helped me to take better care of myself, inspire confidence in me, especially in the early years when I was in a very bad place. I am indebted to all in this community for providing me feedback in my various situations as my PUA career progressed.
Have you ever felt like a top PUA one day, then an absolute AFC the next? There have been days when I could just play a room, be the most entertaining, outgoing person around, the true life of the party. And other times, I can be an extreme introvert. I've gotten the reputation for being a little odd, not in a bad way, just I've had people ask me if I'm bipolar. I might be, I dont know at times.
I've had a crazy experience early in life. I used to be involved in a gambling network with some of my best friends. It started out as a small time thing, then eventually turned into a full blown crime syndacite. The crew took a direction I never wanted it to take, and once it did, the people I thought would be carrying my coffin when I died ended up dead, in prison, or f*cked up in the head beyond belief. Greed, envy, and girls got between me and my best friends. I've gone to three of my best friends funerals, and was arrested by the a federal task force in 2007 when I was 19. Apparently, the remnants of my crew flipped on me, trying to make me the pin man so they could walk away scott free. It was the worst year of my life as the legal process played itself out. I was threatened with a 7 year federal sentance, I was desperate. Few people taste true desperation, true desperation, where poison runs through your veins. The feeling when you have absolutely no control over your life. I did. The case ended up being thrown out, because it became apparent that I was being set up. I know what you may be thinking, I deserved what I had coming. Live by the sword die by the sword. And I probably did deserve it. I was 19, emotionally undeveloped, with a need to always prove myself to others. The day i was vindicated was the happiest day of my life, yet the effects linger on to this day, and I struggle to keep peace in myself.
As I said, the PUA forum helped me out a lot as I struggled to get my self confidence back. I was fueled by my newfound appreciation for life, while struggling with my own past at other times. I am at an American University right now, and I struggle to find people I can relate to. I find myself drawn to girls who seem to be just as f*cked up as me. Gaming girls has become easy for me, but the ones I really can relate to are the ones with serious baggage, and it's killing me inside, it really is. I am so appreciative of my freedom today, however what I had to deal with has numbed me out to a degree, and I feel it is hard for me to build a healthy relationship with a normal girl. I just dont know where to start anymore. If you saw me, you'd never think that I used to live that previous life. I have flashbacks of friends funerals, things I did, that haunt me to this day. I carry around a lot of guilt. Mabye thats the thing that "normal" girls see as insecurity. Who knows.
All this I keep to myself. I am not a dramatic, self absorbed person, and live my life with other people in mind before myself. I dont care to share my history with many others, because I know others cant really relate. Once I tell a girl my story, she usually distances herself, unless shes one of the weird ones that seem drawn to me. I just want to thank you all, for all that you do, and help you have given me. If you have any comments, suggestions, questions, please let me know.
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"Who the f**k is Fanning?"
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CHAT
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