We are not dogs, lions, or monkeys and most of us aren't clowns or actors. We're human beings . . . sometimes, I wonder why so many here refer to the "alpha" actor(in a movie role) or the animal kingdom when searching for "alpha" role models. I mean . . . it's fun to chat about it in these terms at a philosophical level but real life simply does NOT work this way.

Check out these REAL LIFE LEADERS:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StgmNLG_UKU[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYxVv3oeGVU[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHy7Dqp4_uk[/youtube]

Not sexy? Not cool? Not attractive? According to who? The biggest mistake you can make in communications with others is to think that the other person thinks/feels JUST LIKE YOU. Even the most dimmest of the dim wit chicks can see through the alpha dog "barking act". Even the most rural farm girl can spot a plastic wanna-be actor. Make no mistake, if you've scored by trying out the "alpha dog bark act", you scored in spite of your bullshit and not because of it.

Have some respect for others and have some respect for yourself. A typical 22 year old girl has met enough real life LEADERS to be able to tell the difference in characteristics between real LEADERS and the loud mouthed idiot who'll work the register at the local 7/11 for all of his life. Even if you are the kid who works the register at 7/11, there really is no reason to go out of your way to act like the "loud mouthed idiot who works the register at 7/11". Get it?

So basically what you are saying is: Dont fake it until you make it... Make it.


I guess the best thing we can do is try reverse the feeling that others feel like we do and try to feel like they do. Try to understand whats inside.

You use the words real Leader. Is it your opinion that you either are one or you are not one? Can it be learned?

I wanna disagree about the animal discussion though. We are animals. Our emotions are animal. Yes, a girl might see through the act but she will still feel it. I think that we cannot separate ourselves from our animal sides that easily. An alpha male is still attractive. Now I can agree that a fake alpha male who just acts cool is complete BS but an alpha male who feels alpha, now thats another story.

My point is: Most people don't have to "fake" genuineness, sincerity, heart, thoughtfulness . . . Everybody already has many aspects of leadership qualities simply because they are human beings. Why not allow it to shine rather than covering it up with bullshit?
To some, it can come easy. For others, it can be more difficult. Just because you don't have the qualities right now doesn't mean you can't learn them . . .

The best thing to do is to "not guess" but go out and learn. Take a course, read a book, search the Internet.
As I wrote earlier, philosophically yes, realistically no. Which animal is your "role model"? I ask this seriously because the alphas of different animals play different roles. The animal kingdom is vast: There's the fuck and take off alpha. There's the nurturing alpha. There's the pretty boy alpha. There's the fighter alpha, etc, etc, etc . . .
If you want to be an alpha "human being", then learn to become the "alpha human being".

He he, I always aimed for the alpha male (human). Top dog is stupid, top frog hurts your throat... If I have to choose an animal I would choose cat. They are all divas (not really alphas until they confront each other), live and let live unless you are intruding. They just dont try to control anyone or try care what others think unless they see someone as a member of their family or inner circle.


What I meant with the I guess part was that we should try to understand other people. Not just manipulate them as many people do. But realize that they are people just like us. Social structure has nothing to do with not respecting people and acknowledge their right to be awesome people with their own ideas and thoughts. We would be richer if we were allowed to take part of their thoughts. And it would be a nicer interaction too instead of "Ugh, Me alpha, You beta".
Thats a good point. Too many people just copy cool stuff to say and get a recipy for creating a great male instead of working with their own gifts.

Ha ha ha!

I officially hate you my friend! I knew that you would do that!

A big gay kiss to Hobbit!

Alphaness is doing what you want and when you want without worrying about being alpha.

And, try hard alpha's are hilairious, it'd be so easy to take them down and make them look stupid but it's way better to not give people shit.

To me: don't give shit, don't receive shit. Stand up for yourself if need be, if someone has the balls to try and make a fool of you don't hold back with completing amogging them because they took advantage of your social nature.

_________________
Let your game talk.

Some of you will understand.

Shit is not a part of my life...

Why would you even care enough to get back at someone.

Great post, kasabi!

It's good to often remind ourselves that a true Alpha is giving, not guarded; kind, not cold; open, not off-putting; and fearless, not frightened.

Richard Branson is not afraid of being called out on an internet forum for kissing a guy on the cheek

Compassion, sincerity, appreciation, generosity, and grace under pressure are oft-overlooked "alpha" qualities.

I also find it helpful to remember that giving is not the same as being taken.

_________________
Live Your Truth.

My Professional Career brings me close to captains of ships and leads of businesses. They all have different personalities and my defination of Alpha Male is drawn not from a bar/club but from working with some of these people. The PUA world's Alpha Male an Attractive Male perception/defination is superficial and limited. In reality, when you closely observe and be in the presence of Politicians, CEOs, Leaders you would understand that they all have different personalities and styles that is not limited to definations.
Fake it till you Make it is a BULLSHIT CONCEPT. You can't ask someone to go act confident, go act Alpha or go act like you don't care. Its Superficial, only paints the outer layer and LIMITS A PERSON FROM TRUELY BEING COMFORTABLE WITH WHO HE IS AND MAKING CHANGES ONLY IF HE WANTS FROM WITHIN.
There are some Born Leaders, as there are some Born creative people, Born talented people- it comes to them Naturally. But Just as you would spend a LOT more time teaching someone to paint who does not have the gift of creativity. IN the same way you would spend a lot more time teaching someone to lead when he doesn't have it in him. It could be learned but it is a skill and not a talent for someone who is not a born leader -Go figure the difference between skills and talent and you'd know what I'm saying.

Animals with the POwer and Gift or Brains that makes us superior and different. We dont have to seperate anything but dont have to be governed by our animal side. We have brains to think for a reason.


You got a long way to Go !! When you read this post after being with 30-40 women a year from now, you'd laugh at your own post and realise how much you have gown in a year.
I wish that was true ! You ended up writing an entier thread when someone questioned you for kissing a Guy. Go back and look, you ended up defending every single question that anyone and everyone asked.
Well Said !

ITS OK to be SHY, ITS of to be SINSITIVE, ITS OK to SHOW YOUR VULNERABIILITY, ITS OK to be SACRED, ITS OK to LOVE/DISLIKE SEX, ITS OK to be a VIRGIN/HAVE MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS, IN SHORT NO BODY SHOULD TELL YOU WHAT AN ALPHA MALE LOOKS LIKE. The world is full of ALPHA and BETA males. AND everyone is GEtting LAID !! So long as you are in Control of your life, emotions and yourself in general Don't Force Superficial Change But imbed it from within.

You're on to something . . . Here are a few thoughts to ponder:

How many "shy" leaders do you know? I can't think of any. Leaders need to communicate effectively and efficiently. He needs to be able to PROJECT his energy to others and be able to unify a team towards a common goal. Of course he/doesn't have to be a loud mouth but "shy" + "leadership" usually doesn't mix.

Vulnerability . . . I see what you're saying but the there's a HUGE difference in the way leader shows his vulnerability vs. typical followers.

All the alphas I've known are ALWAYS searching/figuring out how to become a better leader. All the idiots I've known do not take ONE tangible step into bettering themselves and instead just tell anybody willing to listen, "I am a leader. I am alpha. I do this and I do that . . ." IN SHORT, ALPHAS ARE ALWAYS ASKING "WHAT DOES AN ALPHA PERSON DO AND LOOK LIKE?" (Although probably not using this exact language)

Everybody DOES NOT GET LAID. Not sure how you could think that after reading through just a few threads in this forum. Do you see the way the audience is practically jerking off to Steve Jobs walking on to the stage? If you've been doing this long enough, you'll know that this is the response that girls will give to certain type of guys in bar and clubs. These "high value" people do have identifiable qualities that can be learned. We're in agreement that the silly clown act or pretend to be the "alpha baboon for the night act" is not high value . . .

But it's still not as simple as merely controlling your life and emotions . . .

Glad you bring this up. Being Shy is a natural trait. I know of Leaders, met Movie Celeb, and politicians who are shy by nature. They get a crinch, a nervous buttlerfly in their stomach when put in the spot light (Board rooms, Stage, in front of camera etc..) But they are not a victim of their natural trait but instead use that feeling to step up to the plate, out of their comfort zone and PERFORM They know who their audiance is and very intelligently know what to say to connect with them.

Being Shy does not mean that you can't communicate effectively. Where did you get that idea from ?

I know a leader who when at work exhibits high energy and great vibes that motivates and drives people. But then outside of work, in a family gathering or amongst friends, is shy and introverted. Some of the CEOs of fortune 100-500 companies are also the same. They are comfortable under their skin, know who they are but also kno wwho their audiance is and act accordingly.

It is important to know who you are and be in love with yourself. Unless you do, who else would ! Its also important to know what it takes to get where you want to be in life and then try to work towards it without loosing yourself in the process.

There are number of great Salesmen/People Managers/orators who in a personal gathering are shy and introverted but when put under the spotlight are EFFECTIVE communicators.


Yes, we are in agreement. When I say vulnerability I mean more in terms of in the personal relationships. A tough guy, leader of men when in the presence of his loved ones, wife, girlfriend should not be afraid of showing that he too has a soft side. Its who you are, and if the people you are spending you life with don't know you, love you for who you are then who would ?

A Leader when visiting a site hit by natural calamity could have tears in his eyes from seeing children and women suffer. Then he goes back and takes immediate action but to push back his soft side just because someone defines 'Alpha Males' to be such and such is again a superficial behaviour.


Holds true for everyone who wants to evolve and grow. Thats the first question we should be asking : "How could I be any better".
Disagree. A leader of men is always asking how could I lead better, how can I motivate and improve my people. ...I guess thats what you ment didn't you Kasabi.
You and I we both know that I'm better than that Kasabi. Comeon give me come credit here now !!
Long is relative term and I'm sure you have been there longer than I have hence I've always respected your views and tried to learn your prospective. Life stretches beyond Bars/clubs. At a bar/club the time span is very less, its a make believe world with lights and music and alcohol. So through superficial acts guys can get by. But then comes the Day2, then Day3 then the 10th Date, 12th date. What would you do then? Women get attracted to shy men too, I have seen that. Okay may be at a club where there are 50 women, 45 get attracted to the Alpha Male - great. But there are 5 women who are intimidated by the alpha male, who like shy men. So I wouldn't write off the shy PUAs, they have a different approach style and it works.

This is interesting because I believe that there are women who may, just because of the fact that you are soo high value, believe that she can't keep you or be with you and hence would not go for you. I'll try to talk more about this if you disagree.

Glad we have an agreement here!

LOL . . . so what you're saying is . . . shy people CAN communicate effectively, "WHEN THE STOP BEING SHY."

And it's not so much that women aren't attracted to or don't appreciate shy guys. The problem is that shy guy often cannot communicate well enough with others to express their personalities . . . regardless of what it is . . .

Ever notice how corporate leaders are always working so hard to "be one of us"? Their business cards are usually plain vanilla. Unless it's a "formal event", they're walking around in plain jeans and a shirt. You ever see these guys wear gold chains and bling bling? Some guys suck at it and some guys are just naturally "one of the guys" but the point is that this is a habit of leaders in general because what you mentioned above IS AN existing phenomenon. If you get to a point that they think they're out of the loop, you're not being an effective leader. It's a continuous balance act.

On the other hand, what does the joker do? He does the exact opposite of real life leaders. His goal is to separate himself from others (he would like to perceive to be below him) as much as possible.

The first part is exactly what I was trying to get at. Glad it came from you. I'd like guys to know that its OK to be Shy, don't kill yourself over it, don't fight it. There are women out there who go for the shy types.
What about Prince William, he is shy. What about Bill Gates, he is known to be Shy - would you call him an ineffective communicator ?

More examples that I googled : Katharine Graham (former publisher of The Washington Post), Dwight Eisenhower (World War II general and former U.S. President)

The thing is I know what you mean, at your level of self confidence or even at mine, I am unaffected and get where you are coming from . But I don't want a newbie to read this and spend time and effort and all that energy in fighting a natural trait, shyness, which could be used very well as an Asset. Start with what you have and build on it, don't fight to lose it !

Society stereotypes people and media does a great job in glorifying the fluff such as - you are shy, a lot of leaders are not shy hence you have less chances of being a leader - Says who, is my question to the 25-35yr old morons who run media channels and sign off on these concepts to be aired ?


I can agree that the shy guy may have problems in expressing their personality simply because they keep to themselves - Not a rule but a possibility