Okay folks,

So here’s my first FR, feel free to comment give advice etc.

So I go out for a post break-up pint with one of my old drinking buddies. This is a guy I used to go out on the razz with before I got together with my ex GF (3yrs). These nights generally involved getting pissed and complaining that we never, ever got any girls.

He’s feeling a bit shit because he’s had two pints at lunchtime and two after work, so when I actually rock up at his gaff he’s in bed!

Not the best start

He’s been single forever and is still getting over his first GF, but is a darn nice bloke, too nice I reckon.

Eventually manage to get him out, tell him not to wear his old jacket.

Him – “I’ve had this jacket 15 years”
Me – “yeah smells like it”

So we hit the pub, feeling pretty bubbly and chipper, bit of banter with a random bloke about “Avatar”.

Pub too busy so we decide to move on, my mate just wants to,

“Wander around a bit”

This is code for,

“I don’t want to go into a bar where people dress better than torn jeans and smelly T shirt, as I feel insecure with my lack of attractiveness”.

Anyway I tell him we are going into a late bar/cocktail jobby.

We go downstairs (less traffic) order cocktails (rusty nail and capairinha) and have a bit of a laugh , he texts his female friend (Not a favourite of mine as she is a “man’s woman”, you know the type, drink like a sailor and always surrounded by nice blokes who fancy them, but they’ll never shag).

I notice some IOI’s from a HB-6 at the bar, you know the shit; pushing tits forward, coquettish glances over the shoulder.

Anyway she goes and sits back down next to her mate (HB-7.5)

After a shove from my mate I open with the lame

“Are these seats free?”

Non-committal nods

After a few seconds of non-chat with my mate I nip to the gents

(Theory of mine- if one of you is left in this situation it is easy to open, “one-bloke-waiting-for-his-mate-to-get-back-from-the-gents-who-happens-to-be-sitting-in-close-proximity” can get under the radar and just start innocuously chatting)

I get back and my mate is looking at his phone (not a good sign)

So I come back and open with the girls, can’t remember what, probably something totally uninspired. Anyway it works well, (it turns out my mate had had a small conversation with them)

Blah blah blah

Go cocky funny, do friends test, Jealous Girlfriend

My Assessment

HB-7.5 = 26 sweet, great smile and boobs, kinda weird deep voice with Northern Accent (A bit like Jane Horrocks acting as a man)

HB -6 = 33 glasses, thinks she is fitter than she is, used to playing games with guys

Am beginning to think about hitting on HB-7.5, she is loving the psychology stuff and am about to run the rings test and isolate. But the conversation works round to her failed marriage (mood killer) when I mention rings.

So we’ve finished drinks so I go for Style’s five questions test with HB 7.5, it works like a charm. They are properly NOT happy about it, see it as being tricked. I’m holding firm that they ought to buy the drinks, HB-6 can’t believe that people aren’t buying HER drinks! Mortally offended!

Anyway my mate (not being familiar with the game) pipes up,

“Aw come on, We might as well buy the drinks”

(yeah I know, AFC)

So my hand is forced, sit down with drinks. HB’s have changed places. HB-6 is now next to me, she starts telling me how she only goes for dark haired blokes (I’m blond).

The conversation gets really feminine and dull so I say to my mate,

“So how about the footy eh?”

Both HB’s go on about how they are massive Reading fans and how they watch all the games.

(not a good sign, can’t stand female footy supporters, they are always so bloody laddish)

Can you imagine Marion Cottillard watching the footy?...............................

Exactly.

So I start telling them their team is crap and mine (brighton) is much better (for US readers, Brighton are definitely not better than Reading)

Them – “no they’re not!!” “OMG” blah blah

Me- “Sure they are, we got to the FA Cup final”

Them – “NO WAY!! You are such a liar!”

So I say I can prove it and when I’m right they can buy some drinks.

So I prove it (WAP phone), HB-6 is twitchy but eventually realises I ain’t going to give in and buys a round of shots, grudgingly.

Result!

More blather for about ten minutes.

HB-6 goes on about where they are going next, HB-7.5 looks like she’d rather be at home watching corrie in her jim jams.

I say to my mate that we should chav off.

I say,

“Good fun meeting you girls, but we gotta go”

My mate tells them what bar we are going to (bit needy?)

I grab HB 7.5’s hand and kiss it, then HB 6’s too (couldn’t say why?)

We bugger off.

My mate keeps bugging me to go out again soon (I think his usual night out is getting pissed with a group of guys), and I did thoroughly enjoy myself.

So, How did I do?

Scamps

When her mate went to the toilet you should have asked for her facebook address when typing it into the phone asking how all of its spelt casually say, whats your number ill take you out for a drink some time.

then her mate comes back then you and your mate can fuck off to next bar lol

I guess I could have done that but to be honest I didn't want her number / facebook address. Just kinda shooting the breeze.

The bit where the HB 6 says she is only into dark haired guys, this is a shit test right?

How would I deal with this if I was into the girl?

Yeh its a shit test, because your Blond you should have said Blond'es are more fun than dark hair guys.

for example and continue and say, ill prove im fun... Ill bet you a drink that i can kiss you on your lips and not use my mouth, ask if they understand and when they agree lean in and gently kiss them on the lips holding it there, they will 9/10 after 3 seconds start kissing you back, pull away and say i owe you a drink look them in the eyes and kiss again

Also tell your mate next time if he thinks you should buy them drinks tell him to get you a pint when hes up the bar, then after kindly explain that you never buy girls a drink unless they prommise to buy the first one. I have seen many women in clubs go around and not spend any money all night, they go from guy to guy asking for a free drinks.

ooh good point, thanks fella. The kiss line is gold!

just if she says no to the game thing say some shit like, well your not adventerous enough for me then poke her in her arm.... lol, always be playful

some people may or not agree with my tactics up to them im not an arm chair sarge everything i say i have personally tested and tested and tested, and only say what has worked for me, hope it helps and questions let me know:)