Okay, so the inevitable happened with me and my GF.

She had lost interest a couple of weeks ago, I knew it was coming, I even initiated the talk myself. She basically gave it the whole "We got involved quickly after my past Relationship and I realise I need more space than I thought, it's not you it's me, yada yada not ready for relationship yet."

Basically I lost attraction. I think this is due to letting her have a bit too much control (she's REALLY controlling + experienced in Relationships, I'm not) & not keeping up the sexual tension - these are two issues I'll create another Topic elsewhere for.

With regards to getting back with her, here's what's currently going through my head:

- Ok when it happened, the initial shock, REALLY FUCKING HURT. I cried, I got upset at college, I was fucking gutted.
- We kinda ignored each other in the morning (we broke up night before) - she did text me, I replied. She was saying how she felt shit. We met up at Lunch, hugged, sorta finished it. She was still down, I was devastated.
- Since it did happen, she tried making a real effort to be friendly with me + talk to me, cause we'd agreed to be friends. It was OK sorta, but we both felt it was fake and she was doing it to make it easier on me + herself (as she felt less guilty).

- With regards to contact, I let her initiate everything. I didn't ignore her, but I haven't really tried to keep the 'happy vibe' going as such - what I mean is, I haven't acted all depressed and tried to chase her, showering her with love. She's use to this from her past relationships, I won't do it. When we've spoke, I've tried to make it seem as if I'm indifferent. I haven't been cold, but I haven't been expressing my feelings.

- Party Friday night - she was there (and was fucking gorgeous :'( ). We spoke a bit, I got drunk, I played it very C&F. She made the first initiation to talk to me and at one random point even came and gave me a hug. We were outside, I told her to come talk to me, we did but not about the situation. Her best friend then told me she wanted to get back with me but I was too drunk then. Meh, what did they expect - besides, I need to know she REALLY wants to get back with me (more on this later).

- I get a text @ 4am that night saying she wanted to tell me loads but thought I was too drunk. She said we'd have to meet face to face and talk it out soon. I replied when I woke up, we texted back and forth a bit.

- She spoke to me this afternoon on MSN, after small talk said the convo wasn't very interesting. I just said I was busy watching Footy + Working. She then said she couldn't go on like this (it's clearly eating away at her) and she didn't realise how much she needed me. I just said I didn't want to talk about anything serious on MSN (she knows this is my policy, I've said it before). I then said I was going and she could text me if she needed me (I always say this).

- She said she wouldn't text me as it wouldn't do her any good, I said Okay. She did actually text me, now saying "I know you don't want to talk to me but when you do you know where I am, as friends. I want to get back to that and go from there." I just told her I was fine with talking to her, just didn't want to talk about anything serious by text and we'd meet up face-to-face.

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So here's how I see it:

- She expected me to chase big time like her loser of an Ex did. She's use to being chased, I'm staying strong. At first, she felt extreme guilt for making me feel bad. Now, she doesn't know what she wants, but my ability to stay strong has made her unsure of her decision.

- I have genuine strong feelings for this girl. But she hurt me. As the relationship ended, I was clear that I wasn't happy. If we're going to get back together, I'd have to re-lay ground rules that weren't there before - is this possible? - would be things like seeing her out of college more, her making an effort to initiate contact too.

- Am I doing this right ? Most people say total freeze-out in order to move on, which I will do, when I decide I truly want to move on. I still think this can work though, and if not, I'm not going to get myself attached again so it'll be pure experience with reduced pain (I hope).

- I don't want her to get back with me out of pure guilt - I think it's past that though, she still says she doesn't know what she wants. If we do get back, I don't want to get hurt again over the next couple of weeks, esp. with my exams coming up at the end of Jan.

Key Paragraph:

- Do I continue not to initiate ? When we meet face-to-face, if I say that I still have feelings for her but she hurt me and disrespected me and I didn't like it. I could say that I'd like to give things another shot but I wasn't happy before and things wouldn't be able to go back exactly to how they were. I cannot change her, but if I change my behaviour to keep her interest up, I can change her behaviour and make myself happier in the relationship. Also, should I say that it may be difficult for me to get the exact feeling I had for her back quickly, and that it'd take time for me to be able to give as much emotionally as I was ?

I'll stop writing here, I want to hear from you all. Please read this and help me out if you can.

Regards,

Prophet

Man I'm in a very similar situation. I think a lot of important things I should point out.

- don't talk about how things 'were'. Just dont.
- don't go showing her how hurt you are and all that shit.
- you can't go displaying any of the way you were when shit went crap between you two.
- think of the person you was when she got attracted to you. Display those qualities. Have more important things in your life, be confident, very sure of yourself.
- when you get back with her in anyway, its sooo easy for her to just view things back how they were.
- it's best to just move on and leave it.
- if she does bring up old times, if she brings up strong GOOD times, like really strong emotions of a good kind, its okay to briefly reminis. If she talks about bad things, move on quick from that, just briefly dismiss it, with whatever 'haha seriously can't believe how i became'. then switch subject or whatever. Should be good as long as she's certain you have changed (i havent read your whole post so this could be irrelevant.

The thing is, I find regardless of this, whenever you two start doing 'couply' things again, her mindset can easily resort back to old ways, and she views you in certain ways again. It might change within time, I'm not sure, its hard to get rid of old/bad memories. I did it, got the lay, but, main thing, you REALLY do have to be different, you can't slip up at all, bro.

Lemme know how it all goes.

Much Love
---
The Real Finesse (Liquid)

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

Translation:

"Hey, a bunch of other dudes are hitting on me as well and I like it. A boyfriend is a terrible accessory when I want guys to come over and drool over me."

And depending on her style, it's:

"So, get lost for a while so I can have some fun."

Or

"Get lost for a while because I don't want to just suck this other guy's cock, I want to be seen in public with him and don't want to be labeled a two timing whore."

Drama queen meets drama king. It's a nice match. This back and forth violin harping tear jerkers are what drive BOTH of you. You go through all these motions because it gets you off. You seem to have a habitual pattern for dwelling with bullshit. You might deny it now . . . but there will come a time when you will think, "What was all that bullshit for?" (At least I hope there comes a time when you shift your gears . . . and sooner the better)

All these sappy thoughts, texting back and forth, pondering of love and life, who she is, what she is, why she is, where she is . . . My God. Do yourself a favor and just sit down in a quiet room. Don't fidget. No music. . . and just relax. What the hell are you doing? What is your goal? You are wasting too much ENERGY on NOTHING.

If you want to get her back, then go through the motions that will HELP HER bring her back. Let's work on some efficiency! 1. You go out with her. 2. You bring her back. 3. You fool around.------ That's about it. Keep it simple.

Also, you might want to think about why this girl is so special to you. I have my suspicions that you're actually attracted to all of her estrogen induced melo-drama. No big deal. . . this is what gives you a boner. But this is one case where I would HIGHLY recommend you see other people. And it doesn't have to be sexual in nature. Just start having a life. Hang out with your friends. Make other female friends. Learn to have fun. Learn to enjoy relationships rather than attempting a chess match out of them.

And I'm NOT telling you, "Stop FEELING BAD!!!" If you feel bad, hell, you feel bad. If you step on shit, I'm not going to tell you, "STOP FEELING BAD!!!!" . . . But I would suggest you quickly clean that shit up instead of walking all over town with it stinking up the whole place . . . Do you get what I'm saying?

good post kasabi... i need to take this advice...

read my thread... if you have 1 hour...

aghhh girls...

love the metaphor! lol but in all seriousness i need to follow this advice. Sometimes its better, not for the relationship but for yourself to move on...Within time she will realize that what she did wasnt a sound decision...she will realize that she shouldnt have ended it...BUT as long as you keep your head high and build your life she will see that...but if you have her lingering in your life and what it appears like is she is sucking all of your energy, energy that should be put into other more important things...Like new girls

part of being a man is really the ability to move on and have your life's purpose going. and i feel that's what woman are truly attracted to; not someone who needs her and depends on her.

i feel like it's a catch 22, since that requires you to move on and live your life for her to be once again feel the attraction to you. so i know it's going to be hard but letting go is perhaps the best thing you can do... and also realize you can keep the door open so that when you are less emotional and more logical.. you can decide whether she's worth it or not.

gl man. feel your pain.