Alright, I’ll try and keep this as short as possible and still get the info across…

My ex fiancé and I broke up nearly 3 years ago, we were together for a little over 2 years. It completely destroyed me, I literally thought about this girl daily for 2 years after she left me. I have been in other relationships, 2 semi serious ones and she has been in a few but 1 serious one for the majority of the last 3 years. They broke up a few months ago. Her and I have stayed in touch and although it was rough at first we got to the point where we were asking each other for relationship advice and talking to each other about our own significant others. So I just recently broke up with my gf and like I said, she broke up with her ex a few months ago. As far as I know this is the first time we have both been single since we originally broke up. We went out a few weeks back by her place, had too much to drink and both went back to her place. Slept in the same bed, but nothing at all happened. Last night we went out again and same sort of thing happened, only difference was, for some odd reason I felt compelled to kiss her, it was a little awkward but she reciprocated and we did this a few more times that night. Went back to her place again and slept in the same bed again, and still nothing happened, neither of us made any sort of move on the other. She has a sister and brother in law back east and when we were together we would fly out to see them quite a bit. I really like them and we all were really close. So today she tells me that shes going back to visit them next month and asks if I will come with her. So heres where you guys come in. I am afraid to get attached to this girl again because a) I don’t know how she feels about me and b) im afraid that if her ex decides he wants her back she will go runnin to him. So, with everything I explained, what is everyones best guess in regard to whats actually goin on here. Do you think she now has feelings for me again, or do you think im just a “comfortable” person for her to hang out with and the kissing and potential trip to visit her family is innocent and doesn’t really mean much? Any insight would be appreciated, my head is a bit clouded with all of this stuff going on. Thanks!

I was in a similar situation, in fact I'm in really good relationship with my serious X. Look you were together for 2 years and you almost got married, off course that "something" is still there, but don't fall for it she could stay a great friend and sometimes you can even sleep together (although I wouldn't recommend it)...

Best solution I think is sort of like one with a onitits, game, go pick up women, that way you will hang with her and won't feel too much of a need to be with her, and if you will it will be easier to refuse that feeling..

You can, off course, "try it out" one more time, but i think that most chances if it didn't worked out in the first place it would be too weird and will not grow into a good relationship

_________________
"StreetLight!! Stop seeing every problem in life like it's a chick you didn't hit on!"

Look bro. As far as i can see there is a deep connection there, and there is nothing wrong with being a man and saying that you love that woman and want to get back with her. Its just how you do it.

I would go with her. I would tell her that we can go, but we are going as friends and nothing more. As you go with her, be the best person you can be. Be the most attractive person in the room at social gatherings. Game the whole room and make her see that people are paying attention to you.
Do NOT talk about you and her. Talk about new things. Be exciting, attractive, and confident about everything. NOT needy, AT ALL. and NEVER discuss you and her.

This will drive her wild. She cant have you and she is wondering why the hell she got rid of you in the first place. Chat to women, but not in a sleezey way. And dont drink. AT ALL.
If i was you i would go out from now until then every night. not just gaming but being socialble, sober and sharpening your skills and outlook.

Make yourself a 10, and she will want you. Remind her of the past , and she wont.


CB

Wow, thank you both very much for your thought out replies, I really appreciate the insight and help.

I would never have thought about Cowboy's approach, I would have probably done the exact opposite of what he said, so thank you very much for that. I will definetley take your advice. And for what its worth, I am 30, she is coming up on 26. I met her on her 21st b-day and was with her till she was 23. When we met and I was 25, I was just coming out of my "party hard" phase, and she was just coming into hers. We were absolutley great together the entire time, but one thing broke us up, and that was that we were on completely different pages in our lives..she wanted to still go out nightly like we did when we met and I wanted to stay home and just chill most of the time. Thats what drove us apart, we were living two completely different life styles. But now that shes gone out and partied for the past 3 years she has mentioned many times that she just wants to settle down (not with me nesesarily, but just in general). Thats not to say that we would automatically work now because we are now in simular places in our lives, but I think it would be more like when we first got together because at that time we both wanted the exact same things out of life and we had an absolute blast together, honestly loved each other.

So, I will go into this "trip" as friends, do exactly what has been mentioned and see what happens. I dont think however that Im going to be able to really avoid a few things.. Which are, drinking for one and sleeping in the same bed for another. we are going to see her sister and every time we have gone in the past we always went out and had a great time at the local bars and stuff. Plus there is only one guest room in the house and considering we have slept in the same bed a few times now (recently) im sure it would look like im tryin TOO hard to play hard to get or something and I dont want to be obvious about it.

What is eveyone's opinion on her ex, the guy that she just got out of a relationship. He was the type of guy that was always doing the im busy, we'll hang out on the weekend and not really during the week, totally mysterious, etc. so she was obsessed with this guy because of that, said she was totally in love with him. My biggest concern is that IF we were ever to give it another shot, and this guy came back into the pic, she would up and leave in a flat second to run back to him. Im cant express enough how much that alone worries me... And im sure the automatic response to that is "well then leave it be for a while, see what happens" or "dont get back together again then", but then I will constantly think of "what could have been with this girl that I was once in love with" she's the only girl that I have truly loved (as pathetic as that sounds, lol).

Thanks again guys for all of the help!!

... I meant to also add that yesterday when she txt me asking to go back to see her sis with her she told me that she talked to her sister earlier that morning and told her what happened between us last night. I asked her what her sister said and she replied with "my sister said, omg you guys should get back together, he was so much fun, you should bring him with you to see us". I replied to that by saying, "yeah, we had some good times with them". She then said "I told my sister that I asked you to come with me last night and you said yeah right" She did ask me that night to go with her, but I wrote it off as us drinking and didnt think she was serious. So, Im wondering if her sister saying that stuff about me kind of makes her think something, kinda like her sister approves so its gotta be the right thing to do or something...also, would she even tell me that her sister said that if the thought hadent even crossed her mind at some point?

I have a feeling you are going to blow this bro.
You need to be in control. You need to be the one who says u are in seperate beds. You need to be the one who tells her you are just friends. Only then , when she cant have it, will she want it again. You already know that she likes that guy because he is mysterious. Pandering to her emotions will get you NOWHERE.

Be the man, make her want you. And tell her u arent getting back together. It will work im telling you

Cowboy - I hear what youre saying and trust that you know what youre talking about because I know my judgement and overall thought process regarding this situation is completely jacked up right now. Please dont take this next question as me doubting you or me trying to argue the point, Im going to take every bit of your advice and put it into action, but my only fear with conveing the fact that I dont want to be with her and that we are only friends is that she will then completely back off because she's afraid that if she does do something or show that she wants me she will get shot down or rejected by me... your thoughts?

Think about this. She does not want to get back with you at the moment. She has told you this. She has even told you she is still in love with her ex.
She is using you for emotional validation because she is hurting from him.

Your only chance of making her love you is to be the man you were when you first met, and that means being completely NON needy. You have a great life, you are a 10, go with that attitude and she will not help but be attracted.

If you are the love strcuk puppy following her around, then she will dismiss you as soon as she moves on the next.

Tell her you accept that its ended and you should still be friends. Imagine how you felt when she told you that. Hurt, jealous, angry. She will feel the same thing. And then she will be more likely to want you.

TBH it probably isnt a great idea going at all. The way to get an ex back is to move on with your life, make them see what they are missing, and not make contact. It is only when they aren't with you that they think about all the great times you have.
If you are a wuss, or needy you will never get here. Ever!!!

Good luck bro

when you say she is "using me for emotional validation" what do you mean? I dont think i've portrayed the love sick puppy that wants her back, in fact I told her a week or so ago that I hope she doesnt think that my inviting her to go hang out was me trying to get back with her or anything because it wasnt and i hope I didnt give her the wrong idea. She is pretty familar with my life and as far as I know can see that it truly is good, much better than its ever been to be honest. But I have definetley played the roll of not caring and not wanting her back. Even when we went out recently we met a few new people at the bar and although I was joking around, all night I was saying how she was just a friend and she would counter with, "dont listen to him, im not just some friend,we almost got married, knock it off" I think the reason I have been the way I have with not letting on that im remotely interested is because my brain wont let me, it knows how much this chick hurt me in the past and its like I cant display any sort of weakness even if I tried, im constantly watching every word I say and making sure that i cant be at all perceived or interpreted as wanting to be back with her or caring one bit who she talks to or meets up with be it her ex or otherwise. The only thing I did was kiss her that night, and i have no idea why I did. She kept pulling me toward her when we were sharing a pool stick and I would go to grab it when my turn rolled around and after about the 4th or 5th time of her doing that it was just automatic to keep going and kiss her... if she really wanted nothing to do with me would she still have recipricated? Or is this still along the same lines as the emotional validation you were talking about earlier? Thanks again for all the help!

It's you're life... you will make the choice in the end... Keep doing whatever you're doing, she mentions that you almost got married, and she told you that her sister told her that you should be together (that was a long sentence. anyway...) that means that she is thinking about that too, keep going out with her but talk to other people game the entire room, and in the end "let it happen"

Don't worry about her X, if you play the game right she won't come back to him

_________________
"StreetLight!! Stop seeing every problem in life like it's a chick you didn't hit on!"

I cant tell you guys enough how much I appreciate you taking the time to help me out. When you read someone else's problem or situation most tend to give half assed advice and most of the time its advice that they themselves would never follow if put in the same situation. But you all really look into whats going on and are genuinely interested in helping each other out. Anyhow, just wanted to say that its much appreciated and I will be taking everyone's advice and will let you guys know how it goes... Thanks again!!