Think 'for me', not 'for her'...



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PostPosted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 6:29 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:41 am
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Location: UK
Following a night out with a friend (thats right night out not sarge) I became inspired to write this post after some extra realisation/reflection on a topic that had recently been coming to mind.

A lot of people seem to spend too much of their time thinking about their 'target', thinking about what they should say to get her attracted, what they should do to get her attracted, how to behave, etc etc.

I've found this to be very counter productive and detrimental to your game. And have noticed this in myself and others, through reflection and observation.

What this tends to result in, is subcommunicating approval seeking. Instead of observing their(target's) reactions, you're seeking reactions. This may sound very small, but these subtle intricacies of game are what make a LOT of difference at the intermediate stage.

Some observations on thinking about what she wants
I haven't been able to think of all the manifestations of this, but one clear thing I've noticed is that people tend to adopt a 'waiting' body language. They appear to be 'waiting'. This tends to look like they are waiting for permission to act. Like they are awaiting a signal, or invitation to act. Like they are waiting to be told 'yes I liked that/'no I didnt like that. Basically all this seems to say, or be asking 'please like me', 'I want you to like me', etc etc

What to be doing
Personally, I've been doind a lot of thinking about identity lately, and who I am, who I want to be, etc. When I went out, all I seemed to have in mind was ME. All that was on my mind, is what I wanted, who I wanted to be, how that person acts, how he looks, what he does, how he feels.

When I was doing stuff for me, I felt the difference immediately. How I interacted with people, how I was feeling. Everything. Now, technically speaking, the big part of my interactions, what im saying, how I say it, etc etc, was the same, but its the small part. The 'not waiting for their reaction' which improved everything. Also the fact I was becoming who I wanted to be.

What I noticed
This time... roles reversed. The girls were all watching me. They became the reaction seekers. They became the approval seeking ones. I noticed way more attention. The girls reacted different due to all the subtle subcommunications. They saw that I noticed them, they saw that I noticed them noticing me. The only difference, was I wasn't tying to see them notice me. I wasn't waiting to see if they noticed me. I just noticed it.

A funny thing to do, is to let your eye contact meet their's whilst you are talking to someone else. One girl's face lit up, and her mouth opened slightly as if ready to say hi/respond to whatever she thought I was about to say, and see her face slightly drop when she realised you were talking to somene else, leaving her looking like a bit of a socially awkward penguin. Of course, all of her friends she was with noticed her reactions to you. (hows that for some pre-selectiony/social proofy crap).



So yeah, I'm going to have a lot of fun with this, with a lot more reflections/observations to be made, and new things to be tried.

I hope this proves useful to some.

I will be back with more stuff soon.



much love
---
Liquid Blend

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 5:45 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 7:13 am
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Great post, keep them comming..... my game seems to be improveing the more i read your stuff.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 13, 2010 1:41 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 08, 2009 11:35 pm
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Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Love these observations and Im hoping its the path that my inner game will take me to someday too :). Keep them coming please !! (damn im reaction seeking ! :) )

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