We were all sitting in a big circle in a coffee shop. The really sad part is I had been next to her on the couch at the beginning, but I got up to get another drink and ended up sitting across from her where it would be really conspicuous to try and isolate or ask her number or anything. (I got up to get the drink in part because she had started talking to the guy next to me, and I didn't want to just sit there like I was waiting for her to start paying attention to me again... probably also a bad move.)

That said, it almost sounds like I haven't done enough... like maybe I should send her a message now saying we should get together? I was trying to back off and act like she wasn't the only girl, and I've done that with several... I guess in my mind if a girl isn't my only option, why would I be asking her out a second time?

I'm basically piecing things together as I go and as I encounter situations, then come here to try and get advice and figure out what I maybe should have done or could do better next time.

Instead of thinking HOW YOU COULD'VE DONE

No offense but I'm starting to realize why kasabi gave up, it's 3 pages already that all we're saying is that you haven't done enough (haven't done anything honestly) and just now you realize that it 'almost sounds'?

If you like a girl you contact her - having options meaning that you're not chasing after a girl, asking her out for a date or just to hang out together doesn't mean you're needy, but if you keep sending her messages or keep asking her out and everytime she refuese with some lame excuse then you should realize it's over and you move on, not before you even tried anything.


You feel like sending her a message? JUST FREAKING DO IT ALREADY. stop wasting time, it's prolly over and gone but if you refuse to accept it then just do it. You might realize that after few attempts but if thats what it takes then just freaking do it. Either move on and start learning what it takes to get the girl, or keep chasing her till she ignores you or whatever, just do something instead of hanging there living in the past.

Have you met other girls? Did you game them? Did you sleep with any? KC? NC? Did you open sets since then?

Anyway I'd suggest reading Gunwitch, I think you might realize some really important things reading it, in the begining he's focusing on false assumptions many guys have, and I think reading, understanding and applying it will do wonders for you.

He is like the feminine partner of a gay partnership

More importantly, he will probably die thinking that all of this was the fault of Sherlock Holmes.

It all depends on where you live. I bet there are States where asking a girl out for a drink is illegal and thus could be considered, "out of line".

Seriously though . . . you sound like you need to start this thing from scratch. I mean . . . damn man, you need to start EVERYTHING from scratch. Now, I have no idea what meetup is but you go to this event and you worked over one girl (who you didn't close in any way). Then you wait around and stalk her on Facebook, then ask her to join you for some other meetup.com event. And obviously, you didn't close her in anyway there either.

Now, you've "waited" for her over a month and you want to see if you can ask her out for a drink?

Think about this . . . what the hell were you talking about when you met her? Why didn't you ask her out for a drink at that time? See . . . this is when everything is interesting. This is when, as you say, "sparks fly". She doesn't know you yet. . . You could be a Government agent. You could be Superman . . . Everything about you is new and fresh. You ask her out for a drink at that time and it's a "BAM"! She thinks, "Holy shit, this guy is really into me and it's turning me on."

At this point, she knows everything she needs to know about you. You lurk around meetup.com places and focus on 1 girl. Then you sit at home thinking about her all day long as you do an on-line search for her. Then you ask her out to ANOTHER meetup.com where previously, you did nothing but "blah, blah, blah" with her and to confirm her worst fears, you do the SAME "blah, blah, blah" when she sees you again. Does this sound exciting to you? Can you imagine any girl getting turned on by this? Can you imagine ANY girl accepting your offer to go out for a drink with you after putting her through all this?

Let this one go. She's given up on you looooong ago. In any form of negotiation, you have to be willing to offer your counterpart something for a desired return. What have you offered this girl? If you want a girl to kiss you, what will you offer her? If you want a girl to join you at a bar, what will you offer her? If you want a girl to fuck you, what will you offer her? You have to meet her needs. Discover what those needs are. Find out what you have in your power that allows you to deliver those needs.

Stop being so selfish.