So I've been dating this girl with some trust and commitment issues, who says she enjoys being single and doesn't really want that to change.

Except that we were getting really close, and since she will be leaving for boot camp in a couple months she "worries too much about me and how I feel that she's letting go of what she wants."

We talked on the phone a little, and she admitted to being scared there's something real here and trying to protect herself from getting hurt worse in the future if things don't work out.

Is there any way to fix this?

Well I can tell you from experience its GOOD that you want to pursue her. If you care about her tell her straight up that SHE knows you won't hurt her or the friendship if things go wrong and reassure her, try to make her see from the point of view of taking a chance on something and being happy with you instead of thinking of what COULD have been if she did take that chance. Honestly you could even say something cheesy like "when your 60 years old don't you want to look back and say I'm glad I took that chance" and then you can add "and Ill still be by your side from now till then" to reassure her, to me it just seems that she needs reassurance but I could be wrong, I'm sure others have input and other ways of going about this. Just calling it how I see it.

Fix: bang ten other gf's and see if she still matters to you so much when she gets back from bootcamp

Just so that I don't get 10 other posts with this advice: I can't. I have a problem, and right now I'm not sure I can fuck anyone. She knew about my problem, and had agreed to help me work through it... then suddenly makes a huge turn around and dumps me.

I dont have a solution but I admire your problem.

If you find a solution keep me posted!

Well, don't know about a solution yet. Wrote a long email stating how I felt, and how I thought she felt since it seems so clear that she does have feelings for me. Had an appointment with my therapist yesterday, so told her the situation and had her review the email.

Basically along the way I made a couple mistakes that may have made my girl more scared about the relationship. At once point she was talking about how she was bitter about love and didn't think marriage could work because her parents got divorced, and I just said I didn't have many problems from my parents divorce. Apparently that may make her feel like she was alone in her fears, even though the reality is we share the same issues. (At least according to the shrink.)

Another big thing that I felt, was that I was pushing my issues around sex and my virginity onto her and she may have started feeling like I was just using her to lose my virginity due to a miscalculated story I told her.

The attempted solution is:

A) Taking sex off the table for the time we have left
B) Letting her know I share her fears with relationships, and that I feel we are good for each other
C) Letting her know that she is special to me, not just someone I was trying to use
D) Letting her know that I thought we would be good for each other, able to work together on our issues

Sent the email last night, haven't gotten a reply yet. I didn't expect one this soon... but so much nervousness and worry right now.

I guess I'll let you know if it worked or not. I don't think my hopes are up. I think she's a little stubborn, and may just not change her mind once she's made it up. Plus I'm basically asking her to ensure she's worrying about me when she goes away to basic training...

Really though, how are you supposed to deal with a girl saying her feelings are getting too strong and that scares her? "I don't like you" I can understand.. but this? Ugh.

Asking a psychologist for help???

Well, maybe that works too. You do know that we Pick-Up Artists are experts on the matter as well?

No, seriously, Im all for asking for professional help when it is needed, no shame in that!

Ezo

Because I got so many replies here?

Damn... driving myself nuts waiting now.

Consider giving her the freedom she wants.

There is nothing right about the common pairbonding lifestyle. There is noone that has decided that that is the way things has to be.

If you really love her and really want to be with her. Give her the freedom that noone else will. Remove the pressure. Consider an open realtionship.

Ooooo, nooooo thats scaaary! Thats not nooooormal! Well fuck that. Either you can live with it or you cant.

She is afraid to commit because she doesnt want to lose the possibilities if somebody better comes along. Well guess what, if you are not that guy then you dont deserve her anyway!

That's really not her issue. She takes a LONG time to trust someone enough to sleep with them. It's not that she wants more sexual partners, it's that she's afraid to actually let herself be in love.

I don't think an open relationship would help. I think it would actually just make her think I don't care that much...

Therapist is saying she probably is intrigued by the fact that I'm so willing to move slowly, and she may be waiting for the guy who doesn't just give up on her.

The problem is, how can I not give up if she doesn't respond to email? Does trying anything after that make me look crazy/desperate?

Sorry man, I might be a bit damaged due to the company I keep.

I suggest careful calibration and building a lot of trust. Go at the pace that feels good for her.

If she even speaks to me again... still no email reply.

Anyone think I should text her at this point?

I'm thinking:

Me: "Good morning [Name]! Hope you're having a good week so far. I just wanted to make sure you got my email...?"

Hopefully she'll give some kind of non-conclusive reply, like: "I did, but I haven't figured out what I want to say yet..."

Me: "Well, maybe we can spend some time together and talk? It's half price games night at Dave & Busters, and that one game is still waiting for us to conquer it..."

Good idea? Bad idea?

Ugh... I almost feel like I should give up at this point, except that the psychiatrist said she's waiting for a guy who doesn't give up on her. I'm afraid of going overboard though...

Let her wait... Thats what I would do. And then act as if nothing happened when you meet.

Pretty much dead set on some drunk texting tonight. Last week when we were out she texted me to say good night... and I honestly miss our little good night/morning texts, so I'll lead with that and wait a bit. Around the same time she texted me last week...

The question is how far do I let it go? The dark part of me that doesn't care about manipulating her wants me to lay guilt trips on her for promising to take my virginity and then walking away. Sounds like a bad idea though... it's just that I'm hurting so much right now.

I didn't hurt this much over the last girl... not a week later...