| Holy necroposting, SPAM!
Lookit the date on the last post. June, 2007. Methuselah was banned from the forum nearly two years ago, and has been in jail for nearly a year, now. I have no idea what happened to Warrior Helvetio.
To provide the necropost with something useful, however, I'll answer Helvetio's initial questions for myself. As I recall, I was avoiding anything Meth posted on at the time, because I thought he was a douche (that changed with time, and most of the guys who are new here would do well to go back and read everything he's written).
1) I usually maintain three girlfriends at a time. That's my comfortable number, and I find my schedule gets too cramped when there are more. There needs to be some flexibility to shift days around when life gets in the way of sex, as happens far more often than it should be allowed. Also, I tend to keep a "main" girlfriend, who I see much more often than the other two, but that's more a natural progression in my relationships than something I plan for.
2) I make plans, and then we go and do that thing that was planned. One of the benefits of having a more flexible schedule is that you can bring any one of your girls to a Thing. Sometimes I'll pick the girl I've spent the least time with to invite first, sometimes just whoever I prefer to see that day.
3) Open, honest communication cannot be stressed enough. Polyamorous people need to blast the lines of communication open, and then trim them constantly to make sure they stay clear. You need to clearly state the most important of your expectations and make it very clear that you will brook no argument in the matter. If a girl wants to be with me, she must accept that she is not the only woman I will be seeing, she must accept that she cannot see me all the time and she must accept that I will tolerate a minimum of drama related from these two facts. If she does not accept those things, she and I will not be seeing one another, and she misses out on mind-blowing cunnilingus skills.
4) The biggest problem with multiple relationships is bad communication, followed closely by mistakes in booking. The first is typically a problem on the girls' side; they are willing to commit to something when it's just words, but the reality of the situation is far less appealing, and you will often have women backing out of your arragentment. That's fine, you can always find new girls. Worse, is when a girl tries to alter the nature of the agreement; you need to keep a firm hand in this, because problems in one relationship will often mushroom to involve your other relationships. When a girl tries to alter the nature of your social contract, you need to re-establish your expectations, and make it clear that the relationship will only continue for as long as those expectations are met. Also, you need to have some pretty solid scheduling abilities to pull this off. At first, I did not, and that resulted in some ridiculous amounts of drama. I muddled through it, though, and I made damned certain that I learned to schedule things more effectively.
5) I can't say as I've ever considered any of my girls upgradable or replaceable. New relationships start as they do, and old ones die off as well. I have found that I am much less willing to put myself out there when my comfortable number is reached. I'll flirt, but adding one new person to my life is a pretty remarkable event; it shakes shit up, and it makes my life unmanageable for a bit, something I tend to be very uncomfortable with. When a relationship dies off, though (and that's usually more of a casual tapering more than a big dramatic thing; mains are a little different in that regard), room suddenly becomes available, and I can fill the time that would normally be spent with that girl by looking for another girl to fill the gap.
6) I'm a lot older than most of the new kids coming into the art (the median age seems to be around 20), and I can say that my sexual appetites are nowhere near seven girls a week. I couldn't do it. My cock is sometimes rebellious of the punishment dealt out by three. Oftentimes, I'm sore after a single session with _one_ girl, and need a day to recuperate. Also, there's shit that I like to do that has nothing to do with getting laid. I like to play games. I have a pretty active social calendar that has nothing to do with meeting women. Sometimes I like to read a fucking book. So having a girl over every day of the week is completely infeasable to me. Even at four, I find that my "alone time" and the time that I spend with my friends begins to suffer for it.
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-Monkey's Little Brother, Spud
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