Texting 101

This is written for those of you who use text messaging as a true form of communication with someone you are dating or starting to see. It doesn't matter if you have an IPhone or a Blackberry (aka the Crackberry) text messaging is one of the most misinterpreted form of communication out there. Text Messaging is not intended for conversation. People forget that's what the phone was created for in the first place.

You should text only to convey an important piece of information or to make a specific request that can be answered with one sentence. It's extremely difficult to
convey tone, demeanor, and inflection in 160 characters or less. On top of that most men are not as eloquent as Don Juan or Cyrano de Bergenac. When you are first getting to know someone text as little as possible.

Texting is all about short conversations. It's great for confirming things like "See you tonight at 7pm at XYZ Restaurant" or "Did you get home safely?" It is
also great if you want to fire a quick message to someone at work when they can't talk on the phone like, "I am looking forward to seeing you tonight."

The problem comes when texting is used in other ways and it gets very ugly within the dating realm, and can get you into trouble fast! Just keep in mind that your messages can cause unintended misunderstandings.

Keep in mind that it is very difficult to convey the tone of what you write. Which is why things like negs or teasing can often be taken the wrong way. You text someone somethingthat you thing is a funny teasing comment, and they don't read
it that way. The lady may never call or message you back and give you the opportunity to straighten things out. If you want to tease someone save it for when you are in front of them.

One of the things I hear a lot from my female friends is that they hate to be asked out over text messaging. Most women think that when guys do this they really aren't that into them. Guys, if you are really interested in the girl then pick up the phone and call them. Not saying girls won't say yes to you asking them out via text, but most all prefer a call.

The other big problem with texting is just because you send someone something doesn't mean they are going to respond back. There are thousands of reasons why but same may include the got a phone call, their phone died, they fell asleep, etc. Since texting is so impersonal you'll never know what happened to them and you are left wondering. This creates its own set of problems that you see thousands of posts on this forum dedicated to it.

Don't get me wrong texting is a great way to have a little verbal flirting and to stay connected to someone. It's just not nor never was designed as a replacement to a phone conversation, although the manufacturers of the cell phone would lead you to think differently. Start picking up the phone and having actual conversations again instead of hiding behind your text messages.

Jon

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

JSmooth, Thanks for this article. I know that your a great dating coach and probably right with your opinion but I still disagree with some of the things you mentioned in your article and here is why.

Some girls are kind of shy or not fully comfortable of talking to someone on the phone that they just met. And in such cases one could use funny 'text-games' (quite a few listed in this forum) to convey their fun 'not wanting anything from you' personality. Its a great way to bridge time & get to the next stage i.e. from sms to meeting them again. Text is a good way to remain on someone's radar. Its short and could be fun and at the same time the awkwardness of a comparatively lenghty phone conv. with someone you have met for 45mins at a bar could be avoided by fun texts.

What is wrong with a girl thinking that you are 'not really that into them'. Why would any guy with an abundance mentality be 'really into a girl' just in 1 or 2 meetings. What is wrong in conveying that 'I am a fun guy & have a LIFE. I'm just hanging out with you and you have a shot at me if you dont turn out to be stupid or wierd'. The fact that you have asked the girl out should be enough reason for her to believe that you are interested in knowing her.

I can speak from experience that texts are extremely helpful in being subtle and fixing dates. But the key is to always progress i.e. from text to meeting them back again.

There are Sooo many women out there who love texting and thats more like their way of communicating and keeping in touch. So why not speak their language.

MPUAs your prospectives are welcomed!!

This is good stuff man, thank you. I get carried away with the texting sometimes a bit too much and they do create problems.

A lot of this may apply to things like MSN though ? All the problems with the lack of non-verbal communication is there, but it's still different, because they are there, replies are sure and quickfire and its easier to hold a conversation ?

Don't mean to hijack your thread, just wondering how much of this I should apply to online chatting. Thanks though man, good advice.

Thanks for your opinions guys...
As I said before the problem lies in the fact a great many messages are misinterpreted because you can't convey tonality, demeanor, and so many other aspects of communciation via text. This leads to a lot of problems for many guys!

If it works for you then by all means keep using it. For those that are posting on the forum every day that she didn't respond back after I said this, or after I said that, you might want to look harder at the post above to understand what very well may have happened.

~Jon

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Appreciate your input but afraid I've got to disagree.

Long conversations are the norm here in Britain with my type of girls (non chavvy clever, working and middle class), the reason phone calls are never used is becauseyou can do everything and anything and still text someone. YOu're revising? You can still text. Literally anything.

Me and my girls blast out anything up to three pages, so around up to 450 spaces.

I find texting a great way to build comfort. It also helps that my English is top notch. I was the best at English language and creative writing in my school and my sixth form, so I can incorporate humour and wit into nearly ALL of my texts. The fact that texting is not real time but delayed means I can even take time to think of stuff to say.

Text game is probably my best point of game, most guys neglect it but when used correctly you can gain deep rapport and showyour attractive, confident funny side - basically everything natural game teaches.

Also, ALWAYS TEXT IN PROPER ENGLISH, don't type "hey wt u up2",because thewhole point of using text speak is to SAVE TIME. So if ypu're looking to save time you automatically don't say much, and if the other person is the same, you have a caveman like conversation.

Be articulate. Be funny. Be attractive.

Edit

Negs and stuff is fine, just always remember to use ":P".

You can't convey tonality and shit but if you've got text game right you've got a massssive advantage against other guys.

Does the girl text the articulate guy with a way of words and who makes her laugh, or the dumb guy or texts "hey u ok?" "wot u up to?" in that exact same order? The girl has heard it a thousand times.

Simple texts like "surprise!" "what;s up trouble?" "what mischief have you been up to today?" are all effective (+ they're my favourites )

I think for the vast majority of women/girls they will fall under what you wrote above, but there are a select few that do indeed text(and WANT you to text) instead of calling them on the phone(don't ask me why).

The most important part of what you said(for me at least) is this: THIS IS KEY

I cannot stress it enough, if you don't get a text back within 5-20 minutes, forget about it, don't fret over it. I know plenty of guys who will FREAK out when they don't hear back right away from a HB via texting.

Unless the girl is VERY into texting in your relationship, then skip it and use it only to confirm/flirt/VERY simple things.

Ok, while alot of people are bringing up some decent points, im going to have to back up Jsmooth because he absolutely right.

It's very simple, when you first ask the girl for her number because you said you were going to call her, or because you said you wanted to text her. It really comes down to this, and im pretty sure 99% of the guys are in the first category.

Now when a girl gives you her number, she is not sitting their thinking "i can't way for xxx to play text messages with me"... Shes thinking when is xxx going to call me.

Now if you like to play games, and dance around whatever, thats your game. But your sending her mixed messages, and she is going to get confused. Plus your not being honest with yourself, and as a result not honest with her.

Just remember, a girl gives you her number with the intentions of you calling her, not f'***ing around a playing games.


just my advice....


Salem alakoom

Thanks for the advice, I text way to much..

Alaikum assalem

Hey men,

I had to chime in. JSmooth, you put into words the thoughts I think. I was just thinking about this very thing.

Texting is good and has it's place, but tonality cannot be conveyed. Get her on the phone, or better yet, get her in front of your face!

DO IT!

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Life is a game. Win.

I always text 1st before I call, & do it around 1 oclock the next afternoon.

"hey you text"

They always replay

yea, who is this?

Dave, wanted to make sure you had my number, ill call you tonight

..and I don't say anything else. Its a good way to make contact and IMO any contact helps open the door for future contact and I want them to have my # and be prepared, & I always call that night.

What I have found is probably 90% or more still let it go to voice mail.

The ones that are REALLY into me, call me back in about 2 minutes. probably about the same % that actually pick up the phone.

A large portion of the girls will also text back in a minute or two. These girls I find are also into me but shy IMO I don't even bother with the phone anymore with them. I just text.

If they don't respond to the phone call I usually call again later. If they still don't respond I text a few times and just text them & stick to text the rest of the time. Most of them will say something like texting is a better way to reach me. That says to me they are more comfortable with text.

Basically I think you have to call at least once to show you have the balls. That's about all I call too even if they take one of the call. One phone conversation then, it's texting from there own out. I've found the vast majority of girls I am gaming (early 20's) perfer you text them. Just more comfortable. I've screwed up enough to have figured out less is more though in texting or anypart of game really, and to not get to cute. If I ever feel like it could be interpeted differently I nix it.

I very much agree with you Hobbit. That this largely applies to people in their 20s. Also, that the post very specifically applies to cold approach pickups and then following up via text. It's during those first few days after of interactions that I am referring to. The girl is still learning YOU she is still figuring out what you are like, hence why a text can be easily taken the wrong way.

Again, I'm not saying later down the line you can't use text to build comfort as somone pointed out or use it as a one liner to get a girls attention before calling. Those are all good creative ways to use texting. As a matter of fact when I'm in a relationship with someone I'll often use text throughout the day.

Texting can be a valuable tool to use and I don't think anyone on the forum would dispute that. However, there is a lot to be said by picking up the phone and calling a girl, as many guys abroad and on the forum are not comfortable talking on the phone initially and hide behind text messaging. Because of this they text during that critical stage when you are still getting to know each other, and something can very easily go wrong.

Thanks again for your input everyone.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Thats a good point there. I think a lot of guys mess up when they're trying to be too cocky over texting with a girl who has shown no romantic interest back.
Teasing is fine once you and the girl are romantically interested in eachother.


Next i don't have a problem with asking a new girl if she's free later on over text message it has it's benefits example if you call and she's busy then your left wonder if you should call back 3 more times or if she's just ignoring you or worst you leave that aard voice message.

I reserve calling for checking to see if she's on her way over my place or if she knows how to get to the meeting spot. All the funny fluff talk comes later after its been made it clear we like eachother.

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

I'm 21. I only text short simple answer stuff. It can be funny, and its cool when you cant/dont want to talk. Age its an important factor, since younger kids are getting increasingly weird.

I belive that sometimes you got to call her, like whe u ask a girl out, you must call her. A text sounds kind of AFCish to me.

Ultimately the goal is to have some kind of physical interaction with the girl (sex), you cant do that tru text, you need to make her comfortable with your presence, and the sound of your voice is a main component of it.

I have a quote on this stuff:
Its from "Love in the time of cholera".

Someone told a dude that, and he walked straight up to the girl he liked, and asked her out, she couldnt refuse (I', oversimplifying here, if you read the book)

He walked up to her. Thats the brave thing to do. Grabbing the bull by the horns and asking it out (lol).

Texting for me is like the wuss thing to do (sometimes, and in some scenarios)

Are you asking her our? Call her

The rule for me: if its something important, call her

You cant get laid by text or by a phone call, but at least on the phone you've got like audio... its an step closer to the goal...lol

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"[Cool is] a heavily manipulative corporate ethos. ”
Kalle Lasn

"Motherfuckers best belive in....That you are fucking with the best" - 3oh!3

Teasing is a battle plan for what Shakespeare called “the merry war.”

It seems that the guys in here are divided when it comes to texting. Few of you advise against it and some of you make good arguments for it. So what is the answer. Should someone stay away from texting or not ??

The original poster has strong opinion against it but the guys who make arguments for it have brought up great points and explained it even better. I personally text and call up, whatever is convenient.

I look at the Texting Game as a different form of game just like you have 'The dance floor game' the 'Club Game' the 'Day Game'. If you are good at one type of game and are consistently pulling girls of your choice then there is less of a need to get into the other forms. Guys like Mystery stay away from Dance floor game and are doing pretty well.

Guys in here point out correctly that you can't convey body language, tone etc.. in a texting game. And since 95% of a conv. is body language, tone, voice etc. there is no need for one to screw up a 'hot lead' by texting.

Even if you are great at texting then also it all goes back to calliberation. It goes back to seeing whether the girl you met the night before is more of a 'call me and talk to me' kind of girl or 'I communicate via texts' kind of girl. Age, self esteem, confidance of the girl and her level of comfort with you all this plays into deciding what your next move should be.