I have been dating this girl for about 6 months.. We dated for about 2 months at first, broke up, and then been on and off for the next 4 months and now we are back together again. We had our shares of ups and downs but things eventually got worked out. She is now having a child by me. Things are going okay so far. But what upsets me about her is that she takes me forgranted. She knows i'm always gonna be there so she takes advantage of it. When we argue, she always get smart, and disrespectful with me. She bosses me around and controls me. Just because she's pregnant she thinks I must bow down to her. I feel like she has the upper hand in this relationship. How do I turn this around? Also, what else upsets me is that when we have sex or before we have sex. (even though its amazing) It feels like i'm the one doing all the work, she just lays there and makes me turn her on. She never does anything. I feel like this relationship is one-sided. I need advice?

_________________
I've been through it all,
the fails, the falls.
I'm like niagra
but I got right back up like Viagra.
-Tha Carter III

i've a similar problem apart from the baby part and the thing is I control everything but she doesn't do anything in bed either...just lays there. Is there an age gap between you two?

You've gotta take control, don't let her get her way. When she senses weakness she'll just control you. Act like your not too interested in her and give her the impression that you could just up and go if you want. she'll calm down and pay you more respect then.

In bed if she just lays there then you turn on your side, distance yourself a bit....then she'll have to start doing more of the work if shes wants any........ will take a few times before they kop on but she will eventually

This isn't an unusual situation. Often when a couple conceives (or about too) a child before marriage in a relatively short dating time frame, control issues arise.

There is two cases:
1. The father takes control because the mother is afraid to lose his support, financially and emotionally.
2. The mother takes control because she knows your devoted to her and the child.

Your number 2 buddy and you must fix the situation now, or it will only get worse. You may notice in your relationship you are sympathizing and doing too much for her. Take note of these things when she seems to have that attitude that she can boss you around. What did you do before? What action did you take after she bossed you around? Look critically at these things, are you doing proper push-pull in your relationship or are you doing to much pulling. You still need to build attraction, it seems she is disregarding feelings for each other. Let me know these behaviors that you take notes of, and please take it seriously. ANYTHING that seems like she is controlling you must be aware of.

Best of luck,
Mortal

To (Gregpent) she is only two years younger than me, so there is not much of an age gap. When i do try to take control, step up, and defend my pride. She gets smart with me, and says things to upset me. Like not letting me see my kid when he is born, So i just let the arguement go not letting it bother me. But when its to the point where i'm boiling i just stand up and leave. Then should would text me saying how sorry she feels and how much she loves me. She is selfish about naming the kid too. She thinks since she is having the baby she gets to do whatever she wants. That isn't fair to me at all.

I feel like I am doing way to much for her. When she is hungry i would feed her, when she needs me i'm there, anything she wants i got her. I gave her my trust, my heart, my money, and my time. It seems like she doesnt appreciate anything I do. Before we would argue and then give into each other but now its way more complicated she wouldn't give in and i wouldn't give in. So most of the time i just ignore her or walk away. So what should i do now?

_________________
I've been through it all,
the fails, the falls.
I'm like niagra
but I got right back up like Viagra.
-Tha Carter III

Wow if it wasn't for the baby, my advice would be to leave her!

Something needs to be done urgently, for the baby's sake. She is way too immature to be having one. I'm no expert but I've heard about a similar situation. She's got issues and having a baby will be the answer to all her problems, and you are the scape goat for her problems. Basically she's very selfish and she'll suck the life out of you and if you don't do everything, you're a bad father.

I'm all for working out why a woman feels the way she does but this is too serious for me to get a grasp on just by reading about it, I'd have to talk to the people involved. Somehow you need to take control and teach her how to be a responsible adult.

Okay.. Lets say the baby wasn't involved what should i do to fix the situation?

_________________
I've been through it all,
the fails, the falls.
I'm like niagra
but I got right back up like Viagra.
-Tha Carter III

It's hard for me to go into detail without knowing more. Maybe you could talk more about what happens, or go and try something and post about what happens.

Basically she needs a wakeup call, she's still a kid thinking everything will be done for her and she gets to be on a pedestal because she's having a baby. She needs to know it's your baby too and how much support you're giving her with nothing in return. She needs to know this is something that you both have to work for - right now she's acting like the baby is something you've inflicted upon her and you have to work the rest of your life for nothing to make up for it, and also she's claiming it as all hers, and not letting you name it. That behaviour is just fucked up, she's off her tree.

Stand up for your self...your problem is one thing and one thing only (SHE KNOWS YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE HER) and now that she is having your child she thinks she has even more power....let her know she takes you for granted and tell her that you will always be there for your child and you care about her but you will not stay in a one sided relationship...she will prob get mad and tell you your crazy ect ect that when you stay calm and say "If thats the way you feel the mabey we should not be togeather because I feel like Im being taken granted of and I feel like you think Im always gunna stick around...well im telling you right now things need to change" If she says "Fine leave" or w.e then leave....why stay in a one sided realationship? If she is smart she will want you back and she will change her ways....if not then go find another women who treats you well bro. Lots of people raise children with out being togeather.

aw god .... my brother faced the same situation ..... it didn't end well they split up and she is using their child as leverage.

stand up for yourself ....... you caring about the baby doesn't mean you instantly give as much about her ( you think you are )

like the sound of it she is not ready for such commitment, like the sound of it she's too immature for such thing

you can freeze her out ... sleep somewhere else to let her know you have your own wil to, she must feel she like still can lose you. she isn't on her toes - you are. but i wouldn't really recommend this...... you have to be carefull.

1. ARE YOU VERY SURE SHE's PREGNANT ... ?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!? GET 100 % CONFIRMATION.

2. if things get more complicated -- > dont post on this forum , it's already too complicated. talk to a therapist

this situation is too complex and too personal ... seek some professional counceling.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Well, yes - definitely do that, no question. But no need to stop posting here - we're all here to help and be helped, nothing changes that.

your in a well deep situation because you've already shown her weakness and given her too much power. You have to stand up and as the other poster said make her think that she would be alot worse off without you and that she needs you. To do this you have to be a good person, aim to be a good father and if she goes off on you for somethin small you have loads of things to fall back on...(I did this etc...) . then turn the table on her in the arguments and point out her failings. she'll hate this and go crazy but u don't leave the room or storm off u wait for her to storm off. you've stood your ground made your point and she'll be mad at you but will come to her senses and apologise.

also have a big chat about everything with her and tell her exactly how you feel.

a combination of the above will lead to success over time but if u stick to it!

it isn't weakness ... you are a cool guy , you just care about her and the kid .... she perceives it as a weakness.

people are fucked up ...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I was (and still kind of am) in the same kind of situation, the only difference i had the power in my favour for a couple of years and abused it, by the time i realised i'd messed up it was too late and for the past 6 or 7 months i'v bent over backwards to make it right which in turn has given her all the power and she acts the same as your girlfriend. i know the one thing that works is to act like i couldnt care less and she comes running back.

The big difference between me and you is i did (got caught) doing too much so it's never going to go anywhere, but this might not be the case for you.

your always going to be her childs father, this is a massive thing to a women no matter what she says.

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Success is going from failure to failure without giving up enthusiasm