Hi to all,

I'm new at this. I've been gaming a girl from work (I know, big no no). Went out with her like 4 times (came home, went out on a dinner, she stayed until 4am, etc), but never really escalated much as she always told me she liked to go slow on relationships and I didn't want to create any akward moments. On the 5th she mentioned something about a guy at work that invited her out and I reacted saying that I didn t like that at all, said a couple of things to her (direct). She said that was one of the best things they ever told her, that she didn't like the other guy at all but that she needed to think, she camed out of a 2 year relationship 2 months ago and that she was shocked that I wanted to be more than friends. She said she tought I wanted to be just friends (I say that is bulshit). I told her I didnt want anything serious and she said fine, we'll try and see how it goes. I thought to myself: Im out of the FRIEND ZONE. I took her out last Friday and everything went fine. We KISSED and she was very happy about it. She was sweet and stuff all night. She caressed my face, my arm. We holded hands, lots of kino. She said I smelled wonderful, said my eyes were beautiful. She always says I dressed extremely well (clothing is a big part of her life). I swear it didn't go wrong. There were lots of IOIs (also lots of IOIs on previous dates). I didn't talk to her till Monday (only work related) and today I asker her what was she doing on Thursday, that we should hang out to which she replied:
I don't know how to say this to you, I don't want to hurt you but I've been thinking and I don't want to date anyone and less you cause I like you and don't want to hurt you. She says that she cares a lot about me and that she's sure we can be wonderful friends. I told her we had to meet and discuss personally that I would not talk over MSN (we didn't go to work today). She said ok but that she's already sure she wants to be just friends and that I should have that clear.

My plan is to tell her I've been thinking the same and that she's right. She's not ready to be in any kind of relationship, that I repect and understand that and it's probably for the best (showing intentions to walk away). That I may come in as a serious type of guy but that I never intended to date too seriously neither exclusively, that I even went out with a girl my friends introduced to me this Monday (this is true - although I dont like her too much). That Im in a moment in life were I want to try all kind of things and that I felt we had something going on (that I could tell by her face on Friday everything was good). Also, that I can't be friends with her. After that FREEZE OUT.

Clearly something scared her off. I suppose the best thing to do is freeze her out and see if she comes back. If not forget it.

Last, she once told me that with her previous 2 boyfriends she dated them like 6 times and then froze them out cause she liked to see if they insisted to test them. If I freeze I will fail this test, so Im not 100% sure on what to do.

What do you guys suggest? I would appreciate anyone's input.

Give her space. You should date/sarge other woman...If she really likes you and she knows you are seeing other woman, it might change her mind.

Don't get into the 'Friend Zone', once you are there, its VERY difficult to get out of it.

STOP hanging out with her. The longer you wait, the harder it will get for you. So just stop it right now.

Put some distance between you and her...If she wants to go out, then make it clear to her that its a date...a DATE...not a hang out....

She is looking for one of two things...Someone to help her get over her ex (aka the 'rebound guy') or someone like her ex. And it sounds like to me that she doesn't view you as 'Rebound Material' so move on.

It is what it is...so get over it and move on...

Best,

J-Dub

_________________
J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

thanks!

My only real question right now is what should I say to her offer of friendship? Should I decline politely saying that I don't believe in being JUST friends or go with the flow and then don't act it (freeze out)?
I feel like if I tell her ok I would relieve her of any guilt and thus wouldn't work much, but I've also heard people saying it's best to just tell her that you're ok with being friends (even if you later won't act like one).

Also, my plan is to say that she's not ready for anything and that she needs to take a time for herself and think about what she wants, etc. Should I tell her that if she ever feels like hanging out (as more than friends) I'm open or just imply it without saying it?

Don't say anything to her offer of friendship, don't put her at ease cause if you do you put her in control of the situation and you will feel like the ball is in her court...So don't do it... Keep the ball in your court.

Let it neg her at the back of her mind. If she asks you face-to-face or over the phone about it, just laugh at it and change the subject to something else.

If you 'accept' her offer of friendship you will ALLOW yourself to be in the 'Friend Zone' and once you are there, its very difficult to get out of it. Also, you don't want to be stateside once she starts dating other people. Trust me, I know this from experience and its not a fun place to be, espeically once they start dating other people. It will tear you up inside.

I think you are right, she may need some space and you need to start dating other woman. If she knows you are dating other woman, it will possibly raise your value in her eyes and it might even spark jealously in her. If that is the case and she confronts you about it later then congrads, you have elevated yourself OUT of the infamous 'Friend Zone' and then you might be able to pursue her otherwise.

Of course if its a girl you don't feel attracted to or have any desire to be in a serious relationship with, then the 'Friend Zone' isn't so bad.

Just my two cents,

J-Dub

_________________
J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

damn, manotas I am in the EXACT situation.

I have a little more info though on my one-itis. We actually went out for a few months a little over a year ago. that fell off and faded out so i froze her out and finally got her out of my head took me a year and what happens next...she calls me out of the blue! BITCH, I wish she never did that! So we schedule a date do the date thing kiss close, make out whatever but not like it was before but i still thought it was progress so i went with it.

she is fresh out of a 5 year relationship so you know. at the end of the night i ask if you want to do this again sometime and the answer is for sure. ok so i try to schedule another date and keep getting flaked on, again i wish she never pulled me back in.

so...i bump into her recently at a party. she was totally dismissive the whole night. for instance i say how are you she says good and then turns her back to me. so at this point i decide to talk to other people the whole night and not talk to her at all. at the end of the night i go to say goodbye to her and she seems to have calmed down and we actually have a conversation. what i am wondering is why the cold shoulder at first, then back to normal as i am leaving?

anyways, i hear she is seeing someone, probably her rebound guy. deep down though i know she wants her ex bf back. why does she keep me around, why did she pull me back in again. I wonder if i have a real chance or if she wanted to pull me back in because she is suffering and she knows i would suffer by being a bitch to me so that it makes her feel good.

what do i do? i feel i am in danger of being in the friend zone. i'm thinking also of freezing her out again and just doing my thing. i am supposed to go to a party that she will be at real soon so i'm just thinking of not talking to her at all because if i do i might do more harm than good. how do i turn this around, or should i just abandon the situation?