Whenever I have oneitis or relationship problems, I can't think about anything else. I can't concentrate at work or carry on good conversations with people because my mind is elsewhere. I have always been this way. Anyone else have this problem? How do you effectively deal with it?

Dude I hate to break this to you but you are needy and insecure with yourself.

You think that you can only be whole if you are in a relationsip (am I right?) or with someone. Cause right now you are feeling like if someone isn't in your life, then you try to figure out how to make it all work out so they can be.

You deal with this by first, improving your self-esteem. Take up a sport or something that you can get good at.

Go out and meet lots of new people. Do something good for yourself. Dress to impress every day...Trust me, just dressing to impress will make you feel better.

After a while when you have more phone numbers or girls to talk to than you can handle, you will start noticing a change in yourself. A more secure and less needy self. And you will start feeling like the world evolves around you (in a not so egotisticle way) and that you have OPTIONS...

Best,

J-Dub

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J-Dub in DC

Its better to be the predator than the prey.

You need to be a good player if your gonna be successful at the game.

JDub is right.

I've been in that situation in the past with ex girlfriends, and when I took a step back and was honest with myself, I was just insecure. Just focus on improving your self esteem. Do you workout at all?

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I'm a noob.

Assuming that J-Dub's assertion is correct, I'd agree with what he says (even though half of the response is Mystery Method to a T).

Try this:

Think about your own goals and write down ways to achieve them.

Think about your own self worth (all the things you have to offer, all the things your good at).

Make yourself a list of affirmations, i.e. I am a good looking man, I invite beautiful women into my life, I'm a good person who does the best he can, I love women, etc..

Hang out with your guy friends and go sarge.

Watch porn and rub one out. (seriously, it'll help)

Exercise (releases endorphins and gets you out of the house)

Be creative: draw, paint, write, play music, etc. (your creative flow and your sex flow share the same shakra (if your into that))

Think about all the people on this planet who suffer much more than you. The ones who can't find the next meal to eat, the ones who don't have shoes for their feet. Understand that you are choosing to react in this way, that your suffering is a creation of your own mentality.

Good luck!

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Crowd to Crowd

Me too. I mean, I'm in High School right now, and whenever I have girl problems (or social problems of any kind) I find it hard to focus on school or work or anything other than how to fix the problem.

How to solve it? I would say you fix the problem through game. Approach the girl, or if you already have and its not working, move on from that girl and just realize how many girls there are out there. Theres about 3.4 Billion girls in the world. And your stuck on one? (If you have oneitis).

If you don't have oneitis and just aren't hooking up, take some time off. Take a little break from it, and replace your obsession with your girl problem and put that energy towards your work. At least for a couple days.

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-Sharplin
My journal:
sharplins-journal-vt84603.html?highlight=

Recently, I realized that I also have trouble functioning when things are going well with a new girl and I’m really excited about her. Anyways, good advice guys. I am actually a pretty good-looking and athletic guy with a good personality (although I can be kind of quiet which is an insecurity of mine). I haven't had many options with women lately, mostly because I've been spending my free time reading books about pick up and trying to quickly get a solid foundation of knowledge before really hitting the field hard. My lack of options is probably why I am so needy right now.


Also, I’m not completely clear on why being needy is such a bad thing. My ex was needy. She always needed more time and attention from me than I needed from her. This could get overwhelming at times but as long as she gave me enough time to myself (and she usually did), it was actually pretty nice. Whenever I wanted to hang out with her or go do something with her, she was up for it. And she never flaked on me, I could DEPEND on her. She didn't even flake when we first started dating. Btw, she was a very attractive girl with a great personality. She had lots of options.

I was the non-needy one in our relationship and she ended up having an affair with someone who NEEDED her more than I did. Her biggest complaint in our relationship was that I didn't want to spend more time with her and she left me for someone who did. My non-neediness was the single biggest factor in our relationship ending. Could someone please explain why neediness is such a bad thing because I am not clear on this?