Had a date with this girl last night. I'll try to keep this short so just hitting the notable bits:

It was hard to make eye contact with her during dinner. We had good conversation, but she kept looking left and right while talking... almost avoiding making eye contact.

We had a lot of fun afterward playing video games, but I didn't do a very good job of kino escalation.

I was going out to see a band after, and I asked her to join me. She agreed, but she was a bit reluctant about it... maybe playing hard to get or just actually tired? When we got there she did stay for a couple hours, but the band wasn't that good so we all ended up leaving kinda early.

While we were at the band we talked about what little we remembered from our drunken escapades the previous week, and it came out that while I was still at the other bar she got pretty friendly with one of the bouncers. Apparently the guy saw her this week and texted her. One of my female friends was there, and was encouraging her to text the bouncer back. I was trying not to pay too much attention so I didn't look jealous, so not really sure how that turned out... hrm.

Anyway, she wanted to leave and hugged me to say goodnight. I told her I'd walk her out, and we stood by her car for a bit before we hugged again.

I guess that last part worries me a little, is a hug a bad sign after a first date? I think we got along pretty well, but I'm a little worried that I failed to create enough attraction and I'm going to end up in the friend zone.

Also, should I be texting her something this morning? I was thinking something like: So any good dreams about me?

The text message sounds like a good idea after getting some action.

I believe you can avoid the friends zone by just making a significantly better impression if get the chance at a second date. Just go gunwitch.

you can try this text that i read from this forum.. "Stop" than she will reply "stop what?" than you reply "stop thinking about me with a smile on your face".. People say it gets a good response.

That was actually my backup plan, and since I never thought of anything more creative I went with it when I got a chance. Only she never replied to my first text...

If there is no sexualization in your game, you will almost always head toward the friend zone.


On a side note, if anyone texted me "Stop," I'd reply with "Hammertime."

Hah... she texted me a few minutes ago (probably when I was writing previous post and I didn't hear it...) Apparently she left her cell at home while she went out. Of course, she just said "You're funny Was out... blah blah... Thanks for thinking of me! "

Thinking of texting her back in the morning accusing her of being a player since she went for dinner and a walk, almost sounded like it could be a date...

Maybe "Out again last night? You're such a player! Good thing you're so cute... "

And yeah I get what you mean Chief, the problem is that sexualizing things is tough for me right now.

Good grief NO please don't send that.

Basically, with that text you are endorsing the fact that she can go out and play the field then giving her another massive statement of interest. She'll find it creepy and random.

A few things, she obviously digs the 'bouncer type' ... i.e. the bad boy, assertive male.

In essence, this is how you must behave.

I've found that when I've been on a first date where I made rookie mistakes (no sexual escalation) the best bet is to send a text saying something like...

'I enjoyed getting to know you a little, but I realise some of it may have been a little boring... If you fancy it, we can do something a little more exciting next time?'

Then keep it breezy until you actually see her again. If you get to see her again, you have to approach it like a first date again because bascially, your attraction level to her is back at zero.

Then run the show, lead, be confident and try to k-close her.

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Well, I feel like just ignoring it would be "endorsing" her right to play the field... and I don't want to sound whiny and jealous either. Maybe a tweak?

"Wow, out again last night? You're such a player! And you didn't even let me finish my joke... not sure how I feel about all this. '

If you say that she's going to ask you what the rest of the joke was, and I don't think it will have the same effect now.. if you want you could play it off like you didn't mean to send her "stop"

I'm still new at this but I'm thinking something like
"Oh shoot, I meant to send that to another [her first name] LOL! But dinner and a walk by yourself?? You could have a lot more fun if you took me out next time! "

Of course that is assuming she didn't say who she went out with, but if she said she went with a 'friend' then maybe
"Oh shoot, I meant to send that to another [her first name] LOL! Listen though, " ...then go into something along the lines of tweeby's suggestion

I think I may be in ok shape here...

Me: "Wow, out again last night? You're such a player! Plus you didn't even let me finish my joke... not sure how I feel about all this."

Her: Sorry I hurt your ego that's what happens when you beat me at all the arcade games we played.

Me: Ouch! Good thing I let you win at air hockey...

Her: But you put me in shame at the very next game, so really didn't make me feel any better.

Me: OK note to self: next time let you win at BOTH games of air hockey so you won't ignore my jokes...

Her: Nah I'm joking w/ you I don't need your pity but thanks. I wasn't ignoring your joke thought you sent the text to the wrong person.


Me: Nah, it was just my silly way of saying hi...

(long delay )

Her: funny you always the comedian route


Me: Well I've tried "strong silent type" but comedian is generally more fun

(Even longer delay, an hour or more...)

Her: Don't go with strong silent type makes you boring. I would have to agree with the comedians having more fun.

Ok, second date the other day, we had fun and I did a slightly better job with kino... but still no kiss close. I think the big IoI I can look at to remain hopeful is that she kept close to me when we were walking... not much I guess.

Anyway, she had mentioned she was on the waiting list an event she wanted to go to which was full. I was already going to be one of the attendees, but another girl I'm kinda seeing ALSO got on the waiting list and the organizer was going to extend the limit. I decided to cancel and ask the other girl out for that night to ensure things wouldn't get too complicated.

Later that night she texts me that she hopes I didn't give up my spot for her, and says she would have enjoyed spending the time with me. I'm taking that as a pretty big IoI... I replied that not everything is about her, and gave her a semi-true excuse. She just replied saying she was going to use the opportunity to talk to my friends about me. (Now hopefully I can trust my female friends... who are married... and have expressed an interest in sleeping with me. What's the smiley for being worried again? )

joyride: Just noticed your post... I probably would have gone with that if you'd posted about 12 hours sooner. (As you can see she didn't ask what the joke was though...)