A little background: I met an HB8.5, got several IOIs, and number closed. (I wanted to set up a day2, and she was really receptive to the idea, but she was leaving town the next day for a week and a half. Plus, when I met her I was on my way to meet another girl for a day 3, so I couldn't do anything else with her then and there.)

While she's been away, I've been texting with her a bit, but mostly e-mailing. I've got a natural CF thing working for me, and, in this case, she seemed to be eating it up. And she kept saying she wanted to go out when she gets back. Anyway, she mentioned in an e-mail last night that she was a little spoiled as a kid. And so I picked up on that and negged her about it in a playful way. Well, she reacted really, really badly, and wrote back in very critical terms about how I'd insulted her and that if I planned to be hurtful and disrespectful, she wanted nothing to do with me. I was totally shocked to get that reply, because a.) I only used a term she herself had used, and b.) she seemed before then to find exactly those sorts of comments by me to be funny and sexy.

I could use some people's thoughts on both how to respond and what I may have done differently. Thanks.

In my expierience girls are just moody sometimes or mabe she was trying to be serious and was insulted you took it as a joke. The more you talk to her and the more comfort you build the less youll need negs and the more they will have the opposite affect they did in the begining. Negs build attraction not comfort they actually lessen comfort so if youve got attraction down with this girl then you should probably cool it with the negs cuz they can hurt more than help at this point. Just use the push and pull and throw in some CF and youll be good. Your trying to make her feel comfortable negs dont do that.

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A woman's whole life is a history of the affections. ~Washington Irving

Thanks, SAF12. I'll use push/pull and a bit of CF. A follow-up question: if the girl reacts badly in a case like the one I described, do you need to reestablish attraction -- has some of it been lost?

The actual attraction has not been lost - but the feeling of comfort at your presence has. Apologize for your mistake and keep gaming her.

"I did not know that my comment was so hurtful towards you and I apologize if I insulted you somehow. Now that I know where the line is crossed - it won't happen again".

Make up your own words - you get the point.

Many thanks, Zentrode. I apologized in my own words -- and even managed to add something playful that not only elicited a really positive response but resulted in her qualifying herself to me and asking me questions that indicated her interest. And the tone of her reply showed both that the issue had been defused and she was back on track with feeling comfortable.

An update: I thought things were smoothed over with this girl, but maybe not. I sent her an e-mail that was compact but full of what I thought was a good mix of some push/pull and some CF attitude -- but nothing that could even remotely be taken in an insulting way. The message even included a string or two just waiting to be pulled, plus one thing that, while subtly presented, was a clear and strong DHV. That message was on Tuesday, and I haven't heard anything back from her.

She gets back to town today, so I'll see what happens. My inclination is to do nothing more until I hear from her. But I'd love to hear people's thoughts on whether this sounds like a good approach.

Thanks in advance.

See, to me, your comment wouldn't likely have been misunderstood if she'd heard your tone instead of reading and inferring, so the question here is really "Why are you emailing with this girl instead of calling her when you have her number?" Maximize your connection and eliminate the potential for misunderstanding.

You're right about that, Goldeneye; with e-mail there's definitely a much higher risk of being misunderstood than with phoning. But there are three reasons why I've traditionally texted or e-mailed more often than I've called girls: 1.) I work really long and intense hours and generally don't have much time for any phone calls at all, no less calls with all the various girls I'm angling; 2.) I'm good at writing, so I generally don't have an issue with having my tone misunderstood; and 3.) while I'm not at all bad at talking on the phone, I just don't like doing it very much. I'd much rather meet up with someone face to face, and I try to use e-mail and text only as a bridge in cases, like the one I describe above, where logistics make a Day 2 impossible for a little while. But maybe it's time for me to reassess -- and not just in isolated cases like this one -- the wisdom of my usual approach. If I can build a better rapport by talking on the phone, maybe I should get over my general lack of enthusiasm for it and just suck up the occasional five- or ten-minute call in the interests of creating greater comfort with a girl. Thanks for the food for thought!

Yes...I'm a writer and in many arenas I feel I'm at my best when I'm about to write things down, so please know that I understand where you're coming from, but when it comes to building rapport there's a definite need for real-time interaction. Also, if phone game and general phone conversation is a weak point for you, it's something you should work on anyway.

EUREKA!

Stop trying to build attraction over txts. Many many times things come off as offending. Its happened to me both ways(as in I got offended and I offended). Most times things get a hostile tone.
Jst keep light txting. Give a call here and there. and set a day 2.

Thanks for the feedback. Point taken. I've seen the light!

My personal experience when dealing with girls via text and email is not to neg! Unless I think it can be pulled off! If I have any doubt I wont do it! I have been shot down a few times with negs through text as you cannot convey the emotion meant at the time! Even smileys dont always cut it!

Save these for when you are with her in person, because after the initial shock of the neg, you can diffuse it with a smile, showing her that you are joking!

Glad you have sorted it mate!

Cambria

Yeah, I think you're right, Cambria; I'm gonna save the smart-ass comments for when I'm with a girl in person, so she can she from my smile that I'm only being playful.

And an update: for the past few days, I've been phoning girls instead of texting and e-mailing, and I'm clearly building rapport much more quickly -- and avoiding misunderstandings in tone

Thanks again!

Push it off quick

and change topic quick .

Smoke bombs like speed .

She'll forget bout it in no time .

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Sympathy For the Devil .

Thanks for the observation, Diablos Roche. I did move to bypass it quickly, and I think that helped. The sum of all this is that I need to work the phone game, instead of texting and e-mailing. There's much lower risk of having my tone misunderstood.