Hey guys,

I'll try to summarize this as fast as possible. While you may categorize this as oneitis, I am actively seeing other people. However, I want to know how to figure this out. Thanks in advance.

This girl, who I will name (fictionally) Jane, and I met earlier this year. We hit it off and began dating. However, issues with my exgirlfriend came up and Jane distanced herself. So she cut me out and stopped talking to me. This kept repeating, she would cut me out, then she would start talking to me again and get close, just to cut me out again (I'm assuming because she was scared of opening up to me and getting close).

It's been a few months since we last saw each other, but this past weekend Jane flew down to visit her friends at my college, and the first night here, we partied together and she stayed behind after everyone else left. When we got to my room and laid in my bed, I went to kiss her, she pulled away, saying that she was scared that if we did hook up, there would be repercussions within her social circle. After an hour of talking and me pulling away, she took me and kissed me.

Then I hit LMR. Jane said she didn't want to "cross the point of no return", saying that it would be weird to have casual sex with someone she was so close to. I ran all the appropriate LMR material, but it didn't work. She upped and left, and denied me a kiss and hug goodbye.

The night after, she ended up at a party I was at and we really didn't talk to each other, it was a bit awkward. Later that night, I asked her to come over so we could talk and even though she said she was coming in a bit, she flaked out. So I sent this very long text message that pretty much conveyed how I felt we would have made a great couple had the circumstances been different (she told her friend the night she came that the only guy she would want a relationship with is me), but it wouldn't work out because we live so far away from each other. I also told her that I knew she was scared to open up and get close to me because she didn't want to get hurt. I'm having such a hard time reading her that she could have either took that as me revealing my feelings for her, or me ending things with her.

To my surprise, she didn't respond. Today, she completely avoided me and gave me a small hug goodbye when she left. Later, after I texted her to have a safe trip, she txted me a very casual "thanks, good seeing you".

I'm flying home in two weeks for thanksgiving. How should I go about seeing her? My thoughts is that I call her this week and talk things out or wait till I get home and ask her out. How do I regain control of my interaction with Jane? What are your guys thoughts? My goal is to get her to open up to me so she'll stop going back and forth with me.

Thanks everyone, I love you all =)

Soo... you isolated her and it was a bust. If you isolate her again, she'll think you want something because of your previous experience...

I don't have enough experience to recommend a strong strategy, but I can kind of understand what you're doing wrong:

You got to get her out of that frame of mind (she probably thinks you're needy), OR use it to your advantage (knowing that she expects sex out of you... this takes a lot of experience though).

Long text messages about how you feel is a bad idea. If she flakes out don't react to it by spilling your guts.

I'd say waiting till you get there and "surprising" her is a better idea than telling her; maybe even catch her off guard? Don't be predictable, she already expects you to get her to open up... just drop it and have fun!

thanks bro, i wouldn't have thought that answer up. and thanks for the constructive criticism, now i know how to apply this to future endeavors. I admit, i made a lot of noob mistakes with this one, but that's why this is the "newbie" forum.

Any more ideas, anyone?

Deffinetly aggree with lucky! My only thing would be make sure you pull away if she pulls away. Tease her. Like not in a mean way but if she stops you from taking off her shirt move away a little. THen regroup and try again! It works wonders!

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-HARMONIC
sleepin by yourself at night can may you feel alone, your girlfriend says so, but i don't really know. That don't mean, that we fucked around...That night last week when you left town