Damn its been long since I've posted here. Nice to be back.

I've realized I have a problem: I generally socialize extremely well with females(almost all my friends are female, most of them I'm a bit more than friends with), but have more trouble socializing with males.

Always attracted confrontations in my school career, to the point they become an almost daily occurrence. NEVER start them...It's always some douchebag who wants to show he's tough by talking shit to me and making threats. I proceed to refuse to back down to them, and a feud is started where these confrontations happen several times with the same person. Tend to have almost all of these problems with "dominant" males.

When these confrontations happen, I feel like I have 3 options:
1 - Ignore them. This works ok if they're just talking shit, but if you ignore someone pushing into you, you look like a pussy.

2 - Fight them. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is the shit. Since they always have the size advantage they're usually quite happy to oblige, and I have always ended up kicking their asses. Generally after you choke them out or jugular notch choke-slam them on their asses, they leave you alone. Problem is this gets you suspended.

3 - Don't back down, but don't fight. This is generally what I end up doing, but I always feel like I've lost somehow.

For example - in my all-male weight training class, there's this guy who has about 50 pounds and 3 years of age on me. He talks shit, runs into me on purpose, and sometimes gets in my personal space and just pushes his body into me, bouncing around. I could tool his ass, but I can't afford to get suspended for fighting(...again) and miss anymore class or I'll lose credits.

I notice no one else seems to get into fights with these same people, so the common denominator here is me.

So - Why do I get into so many fights? It's been one of my characteristics since probably the 3rd grade. Also, what should be done in these conflicts to show that I'm not their little bitch, without having to just kick their asses?

Haha well I've written a novel here.
Thanks for any help.

Welcome back. Nothings really changed.

I admire your pride and aggressiveness, it shows you like to get things done and your not one to be left indecisive. You know what you want, and your gonna get it. I like that.

BJJ is great, I did Jiu Jitsu for a couple years as well as Boxing, great exercise and amazing fighting techniques. I never do get in fights though, I'm a bit more easy going and am on good terms with most people.

Your personality says "Never back down". Just like that fight movie. It is against your nature to back down because it says to you that your inferior, and that your a bitch. You seem to want and maybe need that social proof of being tough. You have to look past this and see what makes sense, use your logic. You can't get in another fight: that is not even an option. You must get over your pride and avoid fights. But how do you do that with your natural aggressive and up front nature?

You need to know in your head that you could kick the shit out of any of those guys. Even if you couldn't and you know it, you need to feel like you don't need to fight them to prove that your worth more than them. Some guy whose bumping into and you and causing shit is just some self-conscious dude with low self esteem (recommend this site to him for me). Hes bumping into you cause he needs that social proof. But do you need it? No, you don't. You've got your personality and you've got game. Stay confident in these situations, don't slink away or hide your face or submit to him in any way. But don't cause fights. Smile at him, laugh it off, joke around. Its all a joke anyway, that shit disturbing attitude hes got, its laughable. So laugh at it. If he starts something, an actual fight, then you stand your ground. Don't hit him, not yet, stand your ground and stay planted. Talk him out of it, but use your serious tone, one you'd use in jail. The "Don't fuck with me" tone and look in your eyes. If he persists, stare him down. If he hits you, you hit him back. That's called self defense. And thats where Jiu Jitsu comes in best.

_________________
-Sharplin
My journal:
sharplins-journal-vt84603.html?highlight=

I don't think it's the tough image itself I crave, but more the respect that comes with it. By default, I respect everyone - my teachers, other students, custodians, lunchladies...until they give me reason to do so otherwise.

I just don't see why these moron's default programming is to disrespect everyone who they think they can beat up. Fear is respect for them I guess.

But everyone craves respect, right? I mean your can't have a healthy relationship without some non-fear based respect.

But I do see that I don't need to let this guys disrespect affect me.
It just pisses me off because he doesn't do this shit to anyone else.
And there are a few guys even littler than I am in that class.

Dam, Bjj is the shit. I take that and muay-thai on a regular basis, but I havn't had a chance to test my skills.

But based on your problem, my dad always had this one saying. To never get picked on again, find the biggest guy you know and beat the shit out of him.

Same principal spun a different way : Befriend some guys, and dont be afraid to make an example of another guy out of SELF DEFENSE. TRY not to throw the first punch. Be the guy that they have the respect for because you don't take no ones shit but dont provoke the fights. If some guy thinks hes tough, use some humor to diffuse the situation.

"The best battle is the battle not fought."

Don't go looking for trouble, and avoid it the best way possible for yourself. Being around other men and being a funny person goes a long way in guaranteeing you wont be in another situation.