Hello all, my first post. Here's the deal, I tried out the online game a while ago and started to get on great with this girl. We carried on chatting online and over texts. I suggested meeting up some night when we were both out, just like mate, wanted to get away from the dating for the moment, I also suggested calling some time.

Ok both didn't work but she still continued to talk online and by texts, this carried on for too long and I kinda lost the run of myself, I got onto her and told her how I felt about it, like I was being used as some kind of message machine. After that our chats were few and far between. At one stage she stopped replying completely. I made an apology based on the fact I was unaware what I was doing at the time and I thought its best to take a break, I could use one too. So I took my break and came back after a while and sent a few messages, still no reply. I sent a few more, I am talking one or two over maybe two months, still no reply's.

Finally I said enough was enough, I sent her one last message saying I was going to block her from my site as I didn't like being ignored after sending an apology and you continued ignoring me after I sent a few messages. It would only take 5 mins to let me know whats going on. I also sent a message to one of her mates just saying hello, I wanted to let her know we are living in the same area so there's a chance I could meet her in real life, through her friends etc.

After ignoring me for a good while, she replied to that message and said that she had accepted my apology ages ago and all the messages were freaking her out, not to message her friends and blocking her didn't make a difference as she was going to block me anyway and to delete her from everything. Last thing in the message was her wishing me well and she said she really ment it?

After that message I left it for about two months, and decided to send another as to show no hard feelings and I tried my best to give an explanation as to why I reacted in the ways I did during the times we fought.

Never got a reply to that one, I wasn't expecting one.

While I was talking with her, fighting, ignoring sending etc I have been going out meeting girls in the real world, I've been with a few since then and I am kinda seeing one now. The online girl is still in my mind, their is times when I never think of her and then sometimes she comes back into mind. During the time things were good with her even tho I never saw nor spoke, shes still here in my mind.

I would be great to be able to talk to her again some time but have I blown it beyond blown? I am in no rush, I don't mind if it will take weeks or months, if their is a chance I would be interested in some advice?

Thanks.

I don't need to read your post to tell you what I think. From the subject you are wanting to undo damage. I think that after the damage is done it can not be undone. Maybe you can repair damage, but you can never undo damage.

I just read you post and confirmed by beliefs. You have to move on. You will learn from your mistakes. Sometimes it better to move on. You can't undo things.

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Walk Hard

im in a similar boat, been talkin to this chick on and off since 07 but i never thought much of it, then this month talked alot on the phone.. im starting to feel her style/build attraction to her etc.. we where suppose to meet up but never did cuz of her agenda changing *her daughter coming back etc* . then tells me about this dude she likes who jus got locked up this past weekend *im thinkin whyd u wanna meet up with me if u liked someone else, all that time i wasted talkin on the phone etc*. Now shes emo crying over him and other things in her life *school, her aunt having a brian tumor etc*. i shoot her a message sayin how i feel about her, that she should cheer up and id like to meet her shes a cool chick etc. then i dont hear from her now or get a reply shes not pickin up her phone etc. I jus wanna talk to her and get her mind off that shit at least. She posts "lonely" on myspace and she wont pick up her phone/reply so now im like shut out and shit. i really wish i would have told her "i cant talk to you anymore if we aint gonna meet up"

I think its because you let them know how you feel.. they rather guess and figure it out themselves.. once you let them know, the mystery is gone and they dont wanna play anymore.

Your both right. I have damaged it and by telling her how I felt she has prob got bored etc. I can live with not ever going out with her etc but its this ignoring me that bugs me the most. We live in the same area and go out in the same club, I haven't been in the club since we met online but I will be going to it soon. I would like to be able to tidy it up should we happen to meet. Might not be possible by the sound of things?

Just reading the OP was freaking me out a little. You need to work on understanding what is appropriate/normal, and what is needy...and actually the next level which is stalking, which it sounds like you were actually flirting with. If you text her/call her and you don't get one back then she is probably blowing you off. If you wait a couple of days and try again and still no reply, then she is definitely blowing you off. You only really have two choices to save your self-respect. One is to give up. The other is to wait a long time- enough time to show that you don't need this girl, but like her enough to give her another chance- and try ONE more time (a month later?)

I'm not saying this is definitive stuff, but pretty much any unanswered messages above and beyond these are going to be viewed by her as you're a needy guy who has no other options and can't move on and has given up on his self-respect. Sounds like you've not only given her clues about that, but left no doubt. The guy you used to be had no chance at this girl. The guy you could become might, but by then you wouldn't care anyway. Basically, you are closer to getting a restraining order filed against you than you are to getting another chance. Admit your mistakes and try and become the guy who has a chance with girls like her. Watch Swingers. It will make you feel better.

Thanks man, your right in all you say. I took it way to far, I have never done anything like this before. I only started to have problems with this girl the same time I was having my own personal problems, I was really unaware about what I was doing, now things have settled all I want to do is put it right. Their is a chance this girl could see me out, tell all her friends about it etc so its not sitting well with me. After the time I blocked her etc I left it for about 2 months and came back with a genuine apology and was totally honest, I let her know I was embarrassed about the situation and its the first time I have ever been like that, that was over a month ago, I've not made contact since nor has she. I am moving along fine, talking to a seeing other girls, just worried this my come back to haunt me at some time. I guess I cant do anything else but leave it with an apology, I am making the effort so if I do happen to see her out I wont feel so bad as I tried. The ball would be in her court and maybe she'll be the one feeling awkward, not me! Thanks folks.

If you can't move on and allow her to ignore you then you are a weak man, and she will not want you. No one wants a man who needs a womens affection.

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Walk Hard

To OP- Yikes...You got to get over it. It's definitly going no where, nor will it ever. I think what you failing to understand here is that she's not interested in you because you got upset and blocked her, yada yada yada. She's not intertest because she saw you as a friend. Worse yet not a friend you hang out with on weekends, but a friend who helps you kill a boss over a videogame.

You can't expect meeting someone through that medium to ever have a romantic outcome.

Now by medium, don't confuse that with meeting someone over the computer, because that's definitly not what I'm saying. Meeting someone online, although not my cup of tea, isn't wrong because ordinarly your both on some sort of dating site, where what you are looking to do is date/meet some one.

But you didn't meet her on a dating site. You met her on a game where her intentions were not to meet someone romantically, but to play a game and have fun. You became her online gaming 'buddy'. She saw you as a friend, and you misunderstood it for having potential for more.

Hey man, dont know where you got the game idea from? she's a girl I met on myspace, gave me her num, also added me to her facebook, we got along great for a good while but she kept flaking so I got onto her about it, after that it was never the same. I apologized but she kinda kept on blowing me off so I decided to block her from everything. I was having a tough time personally and this is also a reason why I came across all wrong. Now that I am back to myself I just wanted make amends so as this wont come back to haunt me. I haven't been sending tons of messages just a handful over a few months. I left the last message with her and was honest about the whole situation and she never came back. But I am happy now as I made the effort, ball is in her court now. I can carry on having fun and if I do happen to see her out, I'm not worried. Cheers.

eh, I suppose I need sleep more then I thought. I'm not sure where I got that either...'online game' i guess. Jeez. Apologies, I feel like at raTARD.

A wise man once told me that sometimes you need to recive a blow to the face inorder to understand certain things.

so go ahead and slap yourself.

telling her how you feel obviously doesn't work, then stop.

yeah, you screwed it up, everybody fail sometimes, so pick yourself up and msg another girl.

the purpose is to learn for the future and not to remedy the past.




and on a side note -
you may be too romantic.. don't go crazy for a chick you just met, stop idolizing women, this scares them.
instead - give them something to chase!

Thanks that's some good advice. I've never had a problem like this before, I get on great with everyone, this girl is prob the only person I know of that thinks less of me so maybe I am more concerned with that rather than her not talking. I feel after I blew it, I went by the book, no crap just honesty but she still kept blowing me off and now I think of it maybe she's backed off because I called her bluff and its just handy for her to drop it rather than making an apology for all her flaking and ignorance. Moving on alright I am going out with a girl tonight and yea going to try and let this girl do the work for a change!

Thanks that's some good advice. I've never had a problem like this before, I get on great with everyone, this girl is prob the only person I know of that thinks less of me so maybe I am more concerned with that rather than her not talking. I feel after I blew it, I went by the book, no crap just honesty but she still kept blowing me off and now I think of it maybe she's backed off because I called her bluff and its just handy for her to drop it rather than making an apology for all her flaking and ignorance. Moving on alright I am going out with a girl tonight and yea going to try and let this girl do the work for a change!

Thanks that's some good advice. I've never had a problem like this before, I get on great with everyone, this girl is prob the only person I know of that thinks less of me so maybe I am more concerned with that rather than her not talking. I feel after I blew it, I went by the book, no crap just honesty but she still kept blowing me off and now I think of it maybe she's backed off because I called her bluff and its just handy for her to drop it rather than making an apology for all her flaking and ignorance. Moving on alright I am going out with a girl tonight and yea going to try and let this girl do the work for a change!

Is it actually possible to build attraction throught IMing and texting?

Seriously...

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There's only one way under high heaven to make anybody do anything... Yes, just one way. That is, by making the other person wanna do it!