Quote:
This is by far the most important topic I have ever made; it is a very long post but until I can sign up for psychological counselling I have no one else I can talk to. The only people who I can think might have an idea or the same problem as me are PUAs, people who I will probably never meet, and I hope you can empathise how lonely that thought is. It is taken me almost an hour to write this. If you read any topic of mine and never again please read this.
I believe my problem is the result of deep rooted psychological issues from a difficult childhood. I’ve no idea why this is, however I would like to give some background as without it I may never find out. As a child I was relentlessly bullied and it changed me into a cynical, untrusting guy but one who could appreciate basically any problem and turned me into a girl’s best friend – one of the best listeners around. Everyone loves a good listener. I have since changed from the cynical guy, and I can see the good in everyone, however I do have major trust issues and I never let myself get close to a girl, I can’t help it.
I have a kind of bipolar attitude to life; I think this is because I’ve never got out of the habit of having major mood swings, extreme depression when at school and feeling suicidal to coming home and forgetting everything. I am either really happy these days (but not extreme) but if things go wrong they get really bad – thankfully this is barely ever.
I decided to completely change myself when I started College, two years before university. I became the guy everyone knew, I had no trouble making friends. Being a clever guy I worked out who and how people made good friends, and adopted them qualities for myself.
The questionnaire I took to diagnose why I was constantly depressed and why I was bullied so much gave the results that I had no social skills whatsoever, so it is ironic that I am one of the most popular guys in my student accommodation. It is normally true that exceptionally clever people have trouble finding friends because it is hard to engage with people who are just not as clever as you when you are below the age of 10.
In my second year of college I realised I could get girls when I was really, really drunk, and began to drink less and less and instead my success with girls only blossomed. All of my friends found it really hard to accept me as a new ‘ladies man’ as previously I’d been all the girls’ best friend but not their lover. I stumbled across the game a few months ago and have immersed myself in the knowledge and practice. One of the main things that being a PUA has taught me is that I can choose. Before, I would get with any girl who found me attractive (a lot) but they were not necessarily attractive themselves.
At university within a month I am seeing three girls, two girls who are regarded as effortlessly pretty and a third who is my vice; my personal taste in girls – slim, tall with black hair. Only a few people know that I’m seeing three girls, as being a PUA has taught me not to blow the trumpet, so to all the boys no one knows me as a player.
However, to the problem. I seduced my third girl last night. Be funny, listen to her, playfight, kino escalate and put Doctor Who on BBC iplayer and cuddle up, she ends up staying the night. I can do this any time with any girl I want, obviously there are some failures but I know how to get any girl I want within reason. I don’t even think about seducing girls anymore, it just happens, it’s like I’ve known how to do it all my life. I can’t believe how easy it really is.
I am the most confident guy on campus, but my sexual confidence is terrible. When I am about to have sex with a different girl for the first time ever, I get really nervous and lose my erection. I do not like one night stands, yet I cannot bare the idea of a girlfriend, when I can have most girls that I want. I have only had sex with 6 girls (7 if I had got it up for the girl last night) in the past 10 months, but I lose interest in girls too easily. I am an addict of the chase. I’ve made girls fall in love with me genuinely thinking that I like them only to tire of them when they become far too needy and into me. I know I am being a bastard sometimes, but I am being an unintentional bastard. I am one of the nicest guys a girl could meet (not in the PUA term) but I fuck them over and I can’t help it. I get my sexual gratification not from sex but from making them love me, and once they do I need the attention of another girl.
One of the girls I am seeing, I think I really like, I can’t find any faults in her that I normally look for in my pursuit of perfection (which I know I will never find) but since I am a PUA I realise I do not have to settle for a girl in anyway, and that I hope I will find a girl that I am really into. But, once I get one girl I want a better girl. I see my talent as both a gift of myself and the seduction community, yet it is a curse that I can’t shake off. I know that if I had not stumbled across the seduction community I probably would have really liked this girl, and settled with her – but now I see her as settling when I can get better girls.
Here is the problem: all of the above would be absolutely fine, I have only just turned 19 and of course I have nothing to worry about over finding a girlfriend, got plenty of time, but I do not like one night stands one little bit. I hate the first time I have sex with a new girl. I don’t even like sex that much, it honestly does not bother me, I just like having sex because then I can add another number to make myself feel good in that 6 girls like me enough to have sex with me. I could be on at least 20 girls so far but I either lose interest in them before I can have sex with them or lose my erection.
I do not know what to do. Even AFCs can have sex and like it. There is nothing wrong with my frame or inner game; I know I have a high chance than getting a girl than most guys and that all girls are disposable, but is this the problem? Are all girls disposable? I can have so many girls in my bed but what good is that if I don’t want sex with them or can’t get an erection for them when it matters. I do not even care if she tells everyone I can’t get it up for her, I can just tell everyone she should have been more attractive if she is going to be mean as to spread things about me. Untrustworthy girls are people I do not want in my life, I have had enough backstabbers and shit stirrers in my life to last a lifetime.
It is really starting to depress me at a point in my life which I have been looking forward to – getting the girls I deserve and the girls that I have always wanted but never actually thought I could get, and now I can. Once I start to get depressed if I don’t control it it gets to the point where I am basically how I was, suicidal and unable to see things worth living for – even though I know I have everything to live for. These periods only last a few days as I always manage to come through but I am always fearful I will end up how I was even though it’d be illogical to do so.
I realise this is a tremendously long post and I thank you for reading it. Please reply if you have taken the time to read this, even if it is just your thoughts and you do not think it is relevant.
Back to the topic.
I really think it took a lot of courage to face these issues you are dealing with. My psycologist says that sex is a normal thing and it's not Bad. He say's that our cultural upbringing holds us to the idea that SEX is immoral.
Well I don't get as far as you do in the bedroom. I usually have mental issues before sex. I usually tell the girl that I have to be in love first, and SEX is all fucked up for me. The ones that come back I usually sex them. It is because they unconditionally accept me. I trust them because they give themselves to me completely.
SEX is also a game. When women have to work hard for sex. They appreacte it more. I can have sex for longer periods of time with these women, and they get wet faster. The girls that I take home and drunk fuck don't get to experience the same things.
I currently am depressed because this girl I was after told me NO. She doesn't understand what she lost, but I didn't play the game well at ALL! Next time I will understand that relationships, hooking up, marriage, it's all a game. We have to be disipline in our relationships, and not let our emotions control our actions. We have to be smart.
Sincerely,
Magnum45
CHAT
Because when you tell me and other prominent forum members that we don't understand game...well...let's just let sleeping dogs lie.
