"But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them"

(Written by a woman)

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

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The “Four Fs” are the four basic drives that animals (including humans) are evolutionarily adapted to be good at: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction.

kinda bullshit letter........ who in earth rejects someone and writes such a big ass letter i mean wtf it's creepy.

Wtf. Did you even read it, or are you a little bit challenged?

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The “Four Fs” are the four basic drives that animals (including humans) are evolutionarily adapted to be good at: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction.

Call us all a bit challenged then. I'm with Lodewijp on this. I can't even imagine a women writting this or this Unless it's sepecificaly ment to wound this 'best friend of 6 years'.

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Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

It's HUMOUR, you idiots!

I'm genuinely disturbed, because I'm increasingly finding a correlation between semi-autism and "PUAs" on these and other similar forums.

I shouldn't be surprised. Basic probability would indicate that a higher proportion of socially retarded people will be found on PUA forums.

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The “Four Fs” are the four basic drives that animals (including humans) are evolutionarily adapted to be good at: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction.

Then shoudn't it be funny?

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Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

...its funny now...

It's funny to those of us who aren't socially retarded. The subtle nuances are perhaps beyond you.

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The “Four Fs” are the four basic drives that animals (including humans) are evolutionarily adapted to be good at: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction.

Lol. You're entirely correct.

But seriously, sorry if I offended any of you. I should have pointed out it was satire.

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The “Four Fs” are the four basic drives that animals (including humans) are evolutionarily adapted to be good at: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction.

More to the point of your post buddy, she does seem to mention sex a fair bit which is wierd for someone who is so 'disgusted' at the thought of it. I get a feel from her letter that she has thought about it in such great detail. Women are such funny creatures, ive heard this speach many times from a handfull of women but ive ended up kissing, or getting told i should have made a move on, them.

I understand your confusion as that letter is all over the place. I think the most important thing that you can do is not be;
You need to establish that you are just as if not more important than her(obv dont say the last bit. The argument/disscussion can be swung around that you feel undervalued in your present realationship. There is a scene in the film "P.s I love you" where a guy pulls off his counter argument perfectly, its well written an acted and i would recommend you check it out.

Hope this helps, Saint

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Attraction is the insatiable desire to be irresistibly desired

This is the kind of letter that a PUA will never ever receive!

Great find.

Although I expected a second letter that was what the girl would actually write, with this one as the translation to what she was REALLY thinking.

Maybe I'll get bored and compose a counterpart.


[edit] After reading the responses I am THOROUGHLY amused. People couldn't recognize that as satire? Wonder what they'll do when they stumble upon Swift's "A Modest Proposal."

Thank you.

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The “Four Fs” are the four basic drives that animals (including humans) are evolutionarily adapted to be good at: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and reproduction.