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1. You should never HAVE to tell a woman "look, this offends me, I don't like when you hang around with your exes". A woman of Quality should already know that such behaviour is not cool and hence she will not do it without having to be told not to.
Why does it offend you? I think a quality woman can make her own decisions and trying to control her and decide who can be around her is a mistake. Like I just asked, and with all due respect, why does it bother you so much?
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2. A woman who surrounds herself with exes and guys she has banged is an insecure woman. Why? Because she needs the ego boost of being around guys who at one stage found her sexually attractive enough to sleep with her. A woman of quality derives self-esteem from within, and she will not be hanging with these dudes.
I don't think this is a sign of insecurity at all. Sure they are exes, but there is no reason they can't be friends now. I have plenty of exes that I am real close with still, and no we are not sexually engaged any longer. One ex in particular is one of my best friends and she is now dating another guy who has since become another one of my really good friends. I don't have security problems at all - we both see each other as just friends and we have fun hanging out.
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For these two reasons, I have no tolerance for that bullshit when it comes to a serious relationship.
Do you think a girl will/should tolerate you dictating who she can and can't hang out with? I think that is a little bit on the controlling side and she may see it as smothering her after a while. That is a turn off to girls.
No matter who she is with, if she truly respects you she will not cross certain lines and you shouldn't have to point these lines out. At the end of the day, she will be with you despite who she was with earlier. It also comes down to your securities and inner game.