| >where you're located
Gothenburg, Sweden
>your age
24
>how you got into "the game"
Heard it from a guy online a year ago, looked at it, forgot about it, but after a horrible week (this week) now I'm back and I'm gonna bloody succeed at this, there's no other option.
>how long you've been studying and practicing pickup
I read a little about this stuff about a year ago when I was first introduced to it. At that time, I didn't believe in it, and abandoned it. Then I tried to be natural and make my own "research". Then I started to realize, that what I'd do naturally when being at my peak of success both before and after reading the stuff here, was actually in many ways similar to stuff I had read about here. So I'd say this has reaffirmed my belief in the PUA community and I'm back!
>which pickup method(s) you like to use
Well, I'm trying (but not yet succeeding fully) with:
- push-pull - comes sort of naturally in a rather mild form. I've discovered that women you get good contact with during one day/evening/night, tend to be distant and hostile the next time you meet them. Then you'd have to do the same thing the next time you'd meet her after that, or you'd lose credibility and coolness in her view. So, anticipating this move beforehand would essentially become push-pull, and it seems to work at keeping her respect for me, whereas not using it tends to eliminate all her respect for you.
- cocky-funny - seems to work pretty well but it's damn hard to pull off right and I'm still a beginner at it. The humor that comes most naturally for me is rather morbid and cynical and not suitable to female company...
- neuro-linguistic programming - I've analysed a bunch of traumas that I'm trying to cure this way. I seem to be unable to neuro-linguistically program myself to act correctly when I'm tired etc. Rather, the "programming" only works by me being better at quickly recognizing known situations and deal with them according to a premeditated plan, e.g. experience. Maybe I'm doing something wrong or simply don't give myself enough practice to get the brainwashing effect that I have successfully applied to learning other things in life. Ideally I'd like to have this programmed to come naturally, always.
>what your hobbies/passions are
Honestly, none. I only do whatever I do as a means of getting laid. I have one or two hobbies which could perhaps make me rich enough to get laid that way but to be honest I'm too old and started too late and both of these hobbies require a team to succeed, a team which I'm perhaps unable to assemble. These hobbies are: heavy metal guitar and game programming.
I have also one hobby to meet women and learn to interact with them, but to be honest none of the girls I meet there seem possible to pick up within that forum. Some of them also seem to share the "mental diseases" I've had and am struggling so hard to get rid of - I'm referring to the strange belief in - shall we call it "love" - this absurdly mutually destructive interaction which TV, book, games, magazines, etc try to glorify so much.
>what your goals are
I want to (I suppose in approximate chronological order):
1. establish a belief in my capability of picking up a woman, and having a sexual intercourse with her.
- I'm sad to say, I'm still a virgin. I know this makes me abnormal in today's society, but I also know that my childhood has given me mental wounds that would have made it unlikely for anybody with the same type of circumstances, no matter the quality of their genes, to have succeeded. To be honest, I still have mental wounds, some of which seem extremely difficult to heal. I had a depression from the age of 15 to 23, causing social isolation, philosophical pondering of the kind that inevitably leads either to madness or suicidal thoughts. I have at heart essentially lost all belief in our society form - I'd want nothing more than a society where it were fully acceptable to ask for sex openly, no magic around it, just a yes or no question where I could with no problem accept either answer. This is one of my greatest struggles - to close my eyes to my hatred for our society, so that I can concentrate on succeeding within it, rather than on pondering about how I would want to change it.
2. to find a balance of morality similar to that of other people today
- This has kept me in an abyss of mental self-torture for half of "the best years" of my life. The moral ideas that still cripple my capabilities as a PUA, namely the shame and uncertainty, feeling I'm doing something wrong when picking up a woman. Or rather, the dilemma of feeling that unless I'm an ultra-masochistic freak I don't deserve any woman (or can't pick up one), yet my brain resists that as well because I fear and loathe nothing more strongly than precisely that of humiliation and control by a sadistic woman wanting to control me. I see only one solution: that I weaken my "morality" (if such nonsense at all deserves to be called "morality"), and simultaneously get somewhat more tolerant as to how much sacrifices I'm willing to do to please women, without therefore exceeding the limits of what I consider acceptable. But I have absolutely no idea of what is considered sensible to assume here. It is a well-kept secret... This forum seems the right place to ask: how is your interaction in the relationship, what methods of sex do you use, etc? What is sufficiently acceptable to build from as a basis? This is something I'll want to ask more questions about.
3. to find a balance between my urges and my capabilities of picking up.
- It feels that the more I like someone, the less capable I am of picking that person up. I can't accept a situation where I'm only capable of picking up women so repulsive that I can't get an erection in their presence. Yet to pick up the better women, I must enter a state of numbness in which I appreciate them less, and I may never leave this state or they turn away. What can I do about this curse?
- My hatred and frustration is sometimes so big that I can hardly feel any desire for women at all. Rather, my hatred for their way of mentally torturing me is sometimes so strong that I can only associate their presence with pain and suffering, which effectively eliminates all sexual attraction I feel for them. I know that my growing frustration is making this even worse, causing a vicious spiral of gradual worsening of the situation. I have, to be honest, even contemplated buying sex, just to get over this first obstacle, to be able to neuro-linguistically program myself into appreciating women again in the right way, and believe in my capabilities and know what the actual sexual act requires of me (see 1 above). I had a traumatic experience about 7 years ago in which a woman greatly humiliated me, tried to put me in a masochistic role under her control, then turned away from me, started bullying me, turning others against me. Simultaneously my dad and brother beat me and mentally tortured me at home, making the effect of her deed have an even worse impact on me since I had nowhere to run. I have a tremendous hatred of women with any desire at all to dominate and control. I also have a strong hatred for mass media, feminists and others who kept fuelling me with feelings of shame as if all of this suffering inflicted upon me was my own fault. I still have nobody to tell me I deserve to live and deserve to succeed with women, because honestly I keep discovering myself doubting these two things. Problem is, society, and women, won't judge me by any other moral standards than what they use to judge people with a painless childhood. This grieves me to no end. I will have no compensation or consolation other than the strength of my wrath.
4. handling my logistical problems
- I tend to get ill rather easily when staying up late at night, which sucks considering that's the biggest way of picking up women these days...
- The difficulty of finding friends to PUA with within the IRL communities I'm moving through. I seem to be incredibly unlucky as all people I get to know either have relationships already, or don't understand the virtue of cooperation to pickup women. Indeed, 2 out of 2 wingmen I've tried during the past 6 months have ended up hitting on the girls they were supposed to help me with. Then when I turned to a new girl, they'd abandon the girl they'd just ruined my chances with, and start htting on that new girl, over and over again. So now I have this girl after me who has a crushed heart and likes me, and is all moral-wanking over my now lack of shown interest in her (well she's an i**** too because she's actively sabotaging the little chance we had left after what my "friends" ruined by crying and looking sad in my presence so that my brainwashed reflex to feel shame over everything even when I haven't done anything wrong kicks in and I lose all further ability to communicate with her).
- Intelligence seems to be a problem rather than an asset to me. It's almost impossible for me to avoid having my vocabulary reveal my educational level, which immediately puts off most low education level women. On the other hand, highly educated women seem to be difficult to game, and are generally feminists, dominant b***** which is exactly what I want to avoid. Where would be most appropriate for me to look for suitable women given my needs? Or is there something I can do to improve my chances even with low-educated women?
- Clothing - I've no clue here. Some people claim women of certain clothing and style are attracted to men of certain clothing style, e.g. that there's a 1 to 1 match of different groups. Is there such a list available somewhere, and is there any guide anywhere (e.q. a quiz) to help guide me as to which male clothing group I would belong to? Now I've finally gotten out of the poverty I had to suffer due to first my evil father using all his money on my siblings, then the poverty I had to suffer due to studying in the f****** university.
- Group belongings - as mentioned above, I'm clueless as to which groups I should try to belong to. Indeed, I temporarily belong to a number of different contradictory groups. E.g. one week I was among peace-and-love hippies, next week I stood before Marilyn Manson screaming "we hate love, we all hate". Is it essential to choose a group here? Could my belonging to somewhat contradictory groups come out as mocking? It is, actually - I can't take a monkey seriously which thinks it's "the chosen species" because it walks upright and covers its devolved body in fabric.
- My (now broken) isolation from the world - I completely lack knowledge about what this world considers right and wrong in all little details. I've also missed a lot of things which would be suitable subjects of talking with women of my age. E.g. a woman mentioned something about high school dancing - I didn't do that, ever, and I got all full of anger and sadness over these lost years when the subject was mentioned. I feel there are many such subjects, that totally ruin things for me. What advice would you give for dealing with this? What subjects should I try to develop? Should I seek to invent a fictive past that I can think of and talk about, when the subject comes up? How should I smoothly move the conversation away to something else? When a woman with glistering eyes remembers a good thing from her past, that about 99% of all people would also smile at remembering, but you have no such memory, what to do? Also, what if the woman asks you about your previous "loves" and sex? Should I invent some story here too, to use for backup?
- Approaching and Talking - Strangely, approach anxiety is the one problem I DON'T have. The problem that keeps me from approaching women at every opportunity is that I have nothing interesting to say. I need to develop my capability of small-talk! Above all, to have something to say that isn't too cynical or overly complex.
5. being able to either pick up women on a regular basis, or establish relationships. If the latter, be able to keep her, if the former, being able to keep succeeding at it.
- This is the final goal of why I'll come here. Above all, when I get older I want to get a wife who isn't just someone I picked because I couldn't get any other, some ugly tart that'll keep annoying me for the rest of my life. Rather single, or suicide, then.
>and whatever back story you wish to share with us.
Well, most relevant fragments of my background is given above... That's really all I think I need to mention.
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CHAT