Sometimes, there is something wrong with you. That's why there are psychiatrists, counselors, self-help books, etc...
Obviously there is a distinction between uniqueness and having something wrong with you. But if what makes you unique is the fact that you can't do something, that's not a unique trait, that's a shortcoming. What makes you unique and beautiful is all the things you can do, but do differently than other people. The worst thing you can do in life is become comfortable with you shortcomings and failures. We must always strive to obtain our goals, no matter how hard the process is.

I know when you first start learning PUA it seem like it is just going to be a bunch of guys saying the same lines and doing the same techniques. But what happens is eventually you find your own unique take on PUA, your own unique way of relating and attracting women. PUA just brings out the best and most attractive qualities in you, and allows you to show those qualities to women.

You're right we shouldn't compare ourselves to other people and we shouldn't do this for other people. PUA should be about bettering one's self for one's own sake. But by no means does PUA denigrate any of the beauty or uniqueness that one already has.

PUA is about learning more social skills with women. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Whatever you do with such skills is entirely up to the individual. PUA isn't inherently anything. It exists free of morality, it is up to the individual to apply his own morality to it.

You can't change the definition of Pick Up Artist to your liking Kalel. You PICK UP CHICKS. That is what you do. I wouldn’t go around defending this mentality.

Have you seen that movie Rudy? Where a 5'5 little dude plays football for Notre dam.

Or take me for example. I used to be a socially inept person that was "not good at English". Sure! It takes me a while to write, but when I want to -- I can write very well now. Even though my whole life, everyone said I “had a math brain”. Whatever the hell that ignorant comment was suppose to mean.

The secret to success is to truly believe you are able to become and have everything you ever wanted. To set a goal in your life that is un-reasonable to your current predicament.

I know you agree with me, but I think you hold PUA on a platter. I think that either PUA is a source of income for you, or you have been so brainwashed by this garbage that it’s a new home for you.

Well I have friends in real life that love me. I don't need this fucked up family. I am just trying to figure myself out before I leave this place for good.

I don't know why I keep coming back here. I do agree with most of you. I think I do need therapy to get over some of the programming my mother used to control me.

I don't consider myself any less of a person because of my mothers programming. I think my weaknesses can become my greatest strengths.

--Magnum45

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Walk Hard

magnum, you seem bipolar.

like you have 2 mindsets completely at odds with eachother and you don't even see that they aren't the same thing.

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Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner has a Future

Well, I don't make a dime off of this stuff, and I am by no means brainwashed.

I do however understand your struggle though. I went through a time in the beginning where I wanted to reject pua because I felt like it was making me into something that I wasn't. What I realized though is that I was just very very afraid of change in my life. I was so scared about how my life could end up being different, that I subconsciously fought the change by demonizing pua material.

If you really really take a step back, PUA is just information, that's it. I realized that if my upbringing had been different I might know all of this stuff intuitively from my social interactions, but circumstances in my youth had robbed me of that knowledge.

But if all of a sudden I knew how to be better with women, that would have upset my self-image. I was the nice guy, I was the good and respectful boy, I was the one who never caused any problems or got in any trouble, I was the one who was always over-respectful of women. That's how I saw myself. A lot of that stuff revolved around the idea that I had to put women on a pedestal (mainly since I was raised primarily by my mother). But if all of a sudden I had the power to sleep with women which I previously couldn't, that would have upset my self-image. I could no longer see my self as the nicest and most respectful man in the world, if I was going off and sleeping with different women.

But my view of respect and niceness was very very skewed by my upbringing. I didn't understand that women wanted the exact opposite of what I was giving them. And that by trying to be overly nice and overly respectful, I was just being weird and annoying. Which is a huge inconvenience for women. Women hate the guys friends they have that secretly want to date them but don't have the nerve to do anything about it. Women hate guys who try to use friendship as a way to get into their pants. They hate guys who try to buy their love with gifts, nice deeds, favors, or other forms of unnecessary help. It's dishonest and manipulative. It's also condescending because women are empowered in this day and age and don't need to be taken care.

So I had an epiphany that change is the only way things can get better. If nothing changes, nothing improves. So I had to let go of the need I had to stay the same and see myself the same, if I was going to improve. And I had to let go of my previous ineffective viewpoints and self-image issues, if I was going to make any progress at all.

You are going to have to make a decision: Do you want to change?
You can't half change, and you can't change and stay the same at the same time. If you aren't happy of fulfilled in your life, something has to give. If you don't make a change now, in 10 or 20 years your life is going to be exactly the same as it is right now. Can you live with that? You don't have to use any of this PUA material if you don't feel it is right for you, but you do have to change some how if you aren't happy.

Cool with me. One less PUA in the world to compete with.

Good Job Kalel, way to give me a piece of my own medicine.

I am still O.K. with my decision to reject PUA. I don't want to form habits that will tempt me to sleep with other women during my marriage.

I am changing without PUA. I have some girl friends who really laid into me over the summer. They gave me the direct feedback I needed. My approach was all wrong. I wanted to sleep with every girl there, but I didn't get any.

I realized that I was actually ready to sleep with any girl there, and all the girls I wouldn't sleep with where my friends. I realized I needed to change the way I looked at women.

I know I blamed PUA for my objectification of women, but I was objectifying women a long time before that.

PUA just enabled me to have some steps in my life. I am not happy with even having an account on this website. I wish I had the courage to remove it, but I need to talk about this shit.

After I lost the french girl (jill) I anazled my life and realilzed that I was ashamed of being a PUA. I still am though. I don't understand what to do. I can't stay here and I have no where else to go.

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Walk Hard

I still recommend you look into some inner game material. It's pretty much self-help psychology focused primarily upon the areas of your life that relate to women. There are no tactics or techniques in inner game, just self-improvement.

like what?

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Walk Hard

RSD's The Blueprint, DYD's Deep inner game series, Tony Robbin's material like Personal Power II.

lol magnum45, you're one funny character.

Yea, so... what is your point then?

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There is nothing wrong with learning the science behind social dynamics. Whether you want to use it to do what some believe is unethical or not is up to the beholder.

Although I am new to "The Community" (I hate that term by the way, just because you learn and study social dynamics and the reasoning behind people's behaviors doesn't mean you are a part of some secret network), I have related it a lot to sales.

I wouldn't describe myself as shy, I have quite a deep personality but I find it hard to express that. I am definately not bubbly and energetic, so when I got my first job as a door to door charity representative, it was hard to break out of my shell. Where as some of the more experienced salesmen would knock on a door and instantly engage whoever answered, often striking up completely unrelated conversation then the product, I normally would do the (equivilant of the AFC thing to do) exact same thing as every other annoying damn sales representative in the field: "Hi, my name is _______ and I'm here on behalf of world vision, do you have a minute to .... *SLAM*"

As I learned the ins and outs of sales from some of the "gurus" I worked with, I began to understand why that wasn't working. I was given some very simple canned openers to use at the door, and over time I was able to build my own pitch based on MY personality and was the top rep in canada multiple times... now just because I learned the reason why some things worked for me and others didn't, doesn't mean that I am in any way FAKE.

On sunday, I had attended a community event with a few friends and ran into 2 girls who I had made pretty good friends with last summer, but hadn't seen them for about a year (a lot has changed for me). They are the type of girls that I would date but always saw as "out of my league" as I am much younger and at the time, didn't have the kind of lifestyle that they would VALUE in a relationship. Thanks to information I have recently learned, I was able to escalate enough kino with both of them (seperately, they weren't freinds) to get out of that LJBF phase and ended up kissing them both by the time the night was over. Is that fake? No, I had just learned to put my best foot forward instead of holding back.

I know this is long, and frankly I only wrote it to settle my OWN doubts about taking part in a community like this. See it for what it is, and it can help you, that's the way I see it.

grow a pair.

I think you are really concentrating on 1 aspect of PUA, for me its about confidence, i had confidence talking to men but not women, why?
Since joining the PUA community i have had two promotions, im not saying that as a sad form of gloating, im saying it because i truly believe that its thanks to the confidence i have found through PUA.

Also I love going out now, i reached a stage before when i hated it and simply drank till i was as useful as a chocolate fireguard. now i save money because i dont need to drink to go out and half loads of fun with the new people i meet.

Its not about the ladies, its about you and how you choose to use the tools you are given, whichever way you want.

Good for you man. I am happy to here that. I still don't like how getting with a girl is the ultimate proof needed to build confidence. It seems needy.

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Walk Hard